Well, here’s a news article about how and why we just can’t let go of the things we love. I am beginning to wonder if I should just fire up the Delorean and go back to 1997 and prevent the Harry Potter books from being published. (Maybe then people will be better off without that boy wizard turned spoiled brat.)
Anyway, my opinion of this article is that no one wants to let go of Harry Potter. I mean, we should have been finished with the story about fifteen years ago. I honestly think that the books never should have been made into movies in the first place.
But that’s just me.
If you want to talk to me about this, please note that all comments are moderated, so all negative comments or spam will be deleted.
Did you ever wonder while watching the Harry Potter films or reading the books why the classes in Hogwarts were so small? I mean, they were, weren’t they? What was described by the author as a school that housed 1,000 students, there sure didn’t seem to be 1,000 students. Sure, you could make arguments for hiring extras being expensive or that Hogwarts was really just super progressive and part of the selling points for discerning wizard parents was the smaller, more intimate class size, but the internet has decided that the numbers simply don’t add up.
What are those numbers, exactly? BuzzFeed describes a fan theory that crunches all of the numbers and uses the series’ history to come to a rather sad conclusion. Those numbers are that there are 1,000 students and seven years at Hogwarts. If you divide 1,000 by seven you get 143. Then divide those students…
From Wikipedia’s annoying little brother, Uncyclopedia, we have a list of really stupid Harry Potter-like spin-offs that you should(n’t) read. Yet, none of these offending books actually exist, so there you have it.
1. Ginny Weasley and her twin brother Gerald would be banging each other, creating three bastard children while she was married to Harry Potter. James (who is the oldest) will be sitting on the Iron Throne after Harry dies in a Quidditch accident.
2. Harry would marry Ginny even though he still pines for a dead Hermione Granger. He also hires his best friend Neville Longbottom to be his hand and has illicit relationships with other girls and create numoerous bastard children.
3. Ron who is the most despised member of the Weasley family, is written as a Tyrion lookalike. Plus, he’d be a badass.
4. Neville is executed by James after he discovers the truth about Ginny and Gerald’s relationship. This rather unholy act angers Neville’s son Richard, who goes to war against the magical kingdom of Hogwartos. After several victories against the Weasley family, Arthur has Richard and his mother Hannah killed at the Lion Wedding.
5. Hermione, who was supposed to marry Harry, runs off with Draco Malfoy instead. Their son, Scorpius, is seen as the future hero even though he is raised as Neville’s bastard son. (in other words, D+H=S)
6. When Hermione ran off with Draco, Harry starts a war that gets the entire Malfoy family killed except for one. Luna escapes across the sea to a foreign land called Azkabanos, where she becomes Khaleesi.
7. James is poisoned at the Snake wedding and Ron is blamed. He wants a trial by combat. His champion Cedric Diggory (who came to Hogs Landing to get revenge for his sister Cho’s death during Harry’s rebellion) fights against Viktor Krum and has his head crushed. (Ron also kills Arthur on the toilet and runs off to Azkabanos, where he meets Luna.)
8. Alice Longbottom would have to marry Ron, but escapes thanks to Severus Snape (who would be like Littlefinger). Lorcan would be crippled by Gerald and be trained in scrying by Hagrid. No word on Lysander.
9. Albus-Severus would be a weak king and Ginny would be arrested by the Order of Merlin for adultery, incest, and murder. Lily-Luna would be in Camelot, engaged to marry Chi Chang. (She also loses an ear)
10. All in all, there will be more violence, more sex, and more bad language than in Game of Thrones.