I have something important to say about the Harry Potter world, and believe me, it’s not pretty.
For many years, I have tried to ignore Harry Potter and go about my daily life, but it was all but impossible to do so. People I knew begged, coerced, and even threatened me to read the Harry Potter books or something bad would happen to me.
Well, I’m here to tell you: I have never read the Harry Potter books and guess what? I’m still alive!
Because I never read Harry Potter, I’m glad I was never stressed out over the books. I never planned my life around the movies and I never participated in the online forums. Instead, I found other books to read that aren’t Harry Potter, and I’m happier for it.
So, can you survive without Harry Potter? You lived BEFORE Harry Potter, and you can live without him today.
As I wrote yesterday, Harry Potter books (and movies) can be pretty scary and intense for younger children. If your child is intrigued by magic and fantasy, but you’re not certain she or he is quite ready for Hogwarts, here are a few fantasy titles they may be more comfortable with.
A Very Potter Sequel (soundtrack) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
And now for a sneak peak at the sequel to “Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever“, appropriately titled “Harry Moffer & the Really Stupid Sequel”
“I hope you like what you see,” the girl smirked at Harry as she stalked around him. Harry’s heart pounded in his chest as he began to wonder why the beautiful girls in the world had to be so gosh-darned cruel.
“I, uh, well,” Harry stammered as he tried to figure out what to say to her. She smiled at him in a way that made him uncomfortable, as if he was a piece of chocolate and she hadn’t had chocolate in a long time.
The girl continued walking around him as she said, “It would be a shame if people were to find out that their so-called “hero” had no balls, now would it?”
“I do have balls,” said Harry, “but if I hand myself to every girl out there who wants me, then the guys would have my head for dinner.”
“Oh, those other guys are just a bunch of fruitcakes,” said the girl. “I don’t want a fruitcake; not when I can have a man.”
“But I am not a man,” said Harry as he was blushing. “I’m only 14 years old!” Why did things like this have to be so complicated?
Potter fans wait in lines outside a Borders in Newark, Delaware for the midnight release of the book (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
And now for the extras, which I will post here:
A word of caution:
This book pokes fun at everything. You already know this. But to give you an example of what it makes fun of, here’s a list of everything that the book has mocked so far:
Larry Dobber by J. P. Wordling: the worst-selling children’s book series that is threatening to turn itself into a major Hollywood movie unless it is stopped. Here are the books in order: Larry Dobber & the Soothsayer’s Bone / Larry Dobber & the Pholospher’s Chrone, Larry Dobber & the Cahbmer of Sercets, Larry Dobber & the Poisoner of Altazan, Larry Dobber & the Cup of Burnt Oil, Larry Dobber & the Legoin of the Penguinz, Larry Dobber & the Quarter-Vail Plince, Larry Dobber & the Deadly Hammers
The Blightnight Snaga by Bethenie Leyar: paranormal romance about a girl and a fampire which was embraced by scores of young girls everywhere.
Innovation Chain by Chirstofar Pailname: written by a teenager, long maligned for glorifying fire-breathing destructive monsters.
Kercy Mackson & the Asgardians by Nick Weirdon: a mixture of modern-day fantasy and mythology. Easy and fun to read.
Children of the Bread Ping series (also known as the Narlie Tone series) by Penny Limmo: Long maligned as a Larry Dobber lookalike, this series centers on a young boy with strange powers who gets with other kids with strange powers and fights against adults with strange powers.
The Starvation & Fight to the Death Games by Zucanne Follins: a controversial dystopian tale about a girl who wins fame and respect by shooting rocks at her rivals for the enjoyment of a bunch of kid-hating adults.
Atalan Swan by Ein Copper: the story of a kid posing as a mafia don who dared to mess with fairies.
Soul Taker Trilogy by Nessel Harrymann: A medieval-type story that was banned in the USA for having a gay hero but became a bestseller everywhere else.
Top hat as an icon for magic (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
And here, we have the long-awaited meeting between Harry Moffer and Halfus Snibblepore…
Snibblepore claims to have knowledge of everything the kids have done in school, but in reality, he didn’t even know about the restricted section in the library, nor does he know that Silch had been mistreating the students. He refuses to fire Silch.
Harry forces the truth about his parents’ deaths out of Snibblepore, and he claims that there was a second baby who was with the Moffer family the night that Hames and Linny Moffer were killed, but no one knows if Harry had a brother or not. Harry swears to get his revenge.
That evening, the Grim Trio faces Jill, who is trying to break into the Third Building. She defeats them easily and claims that Harry is responsible for the death of her grandfather, Paumer.
Just then, Professor Wom Dibble is seen with a fake version of the Magician’s Crystal. Snibblepore had hidden the real crystal in a safe place. Dibble accuses Harry of ruining his life; he was once known as a stage magician named Gourd Maldycart until the accident that killed Harry’s parents destroyed his life and career.
Jill attacks the Grim Trio and humiliates them as Dibble continues to complain about his lost career. Jill puts her foot down when Dibble wishes to kill Harry and destroys the Third Building.
We find our heroes having to make amends with Jill and facing the school after their stint in the Sand Dunes. (but who am I kidding; there will be NO reconciliation here!) Also, someone else is attempting to go after the Magician’s Crystal, but I won’t say who. That’ll give away the story.
To start, Jill lays into the trio for not calling for help while they were trapped in the sand dunes, but that’s the least of their problems. There is still the matter of the Magician’s Crystal and Snibblepore’s warning regarding the Third Building: “And a word from the mayor of this town regarding his last tour of Warthogpox High a few months ago: he says that the third building is strictly out of bounds for anyone who doesn’t want to suffer an unfortunate death.”
That rule is about to be broken, no thanks to Harry, Pun, and Hildegarde.
Anyway, the Grim Trio, still not attending classes, cause even more trouble when they inadvertently break into a closet and find all kinds of magical objects that Silch had confiscated from many students. Pun believes that this was a conspiracy to hide the city’s magical origins and Harry believes that the magical material might provide answers to questions regarding the deaths of his parents.
Thus, we have a confrontation between Harry Moffer and Halfus Snibblepore.