The Hayley Chame Essay

The following essay concerns the part of The Story That Made No Sense, where Hayley Chame is concerned.

I want to protest. Seriously, I want to protest. Hayley Chame is nothing more than the secret love child of Lily Evans and Severus Snape, and that character is played by one Harry Potter, which makes me very angry. I don’t like Harry, and I especially hate him now that he’s chosen to play the part of a boy who is pushed into the background of a (much better) hero and deemed only to be the short-lived gay love interest of said hero.

Nobody needs those.

Also, Hayley’s family has all the worst aspects that a family can find, yet why nobody called social services on them is upsetting. I also don’t understand for the life of me why Matthew Larson would want to live in a family that’s so bad, it makes his evil biological relatives look good. Even he should know to get away from the chames, as they’re a terrible influence.

Come on, people! Even Sadie Schroeder is better than these stupid idiotic losers, and she’s a whiny Mary-sue brat as it is!”

Anyway, thank you for reading this plodding junk known as an essay and remember, kids, that when you create a character, make sure you follow the rules or else you’ll have character that’s so useless that you’ll want to kill them off before they meet the main hero.

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A Controversial Opinion

I have something important to say about the Harry Potter world, and believe me, it’s not pretty.

For many years, I have tried to ignore Harry Potter and go about my daily life, but it was all but impossible to do so. People I knew begged, coerced, and even threatened me to read the Harry Potter books or something bad would happen to me.

Well, I’m here to tell you: I have never read the Harry Potter books and guess what? I’m still alive!

Because I never read Harry Potter, I’m glad I was never stressed out over the books. I never planned my life around the movies and I never participated in the online forums. Instead, I found other books to read that aren’t Harry Potter, and I’m happier for it.

So, can you survive without Harry Potter? You lived BEFORE Harry Potter, and you can live without him today.

That is all.

The Crime of Not Liking Harry Potter – a Satirical Essay

If you’re not a Harry Potter fan, then you’ve probably committed an unforgivable crime. You will ultimately lose friends and family members will not talk to you. There will be a curse on your name.

But none of that happened to me. (OK, I have fewer friends than I did back then and my Harry Potter loving cousins still refuse to acknowledge my existence.) Instead of getting in trouble for not being a fan of Harry Potter, I found friends who did things other than sit on the couch and read books all day and interacted with other people instead of being with imaginary friends. Within weeks of being with these new friends, I found that I’m so much happier when I’m with others instead of being by myself. I know there’s a life that doesn’t have to include Harry Potter. And that has made my parents happier, if that’s any indication to you.

If only the others would see what I see, then things will be better for everyone in the end.

How different would the Harry Potter series be, if it was written by George R.R. Martin instead of J.K. Rowling?

Jacquel Chrissy’s Answers – Quora

Well, here’s how I would see it:

1. Ginny Weasley and her twin brother Gerald would be banging each other, creating three bastard children while she was married to Harry Potter. James (who is the oldest) will be sitting on the Iron Throne after Harry dies in a Quidditch accident.

2. Harry would marry Ginny even though he still pines for a dead Hermione Granger. He also hires his best friend Neville Longbottom to be his hand and has illicit relationships with other girls and create numoerous bastard children.

3. Ron who is the most despised member of the Weasley family, is written as a Tyrion lookalike. Plus, he’d be a badass.

4. Neville is executed by James after he discovers the truth about Ginny and Gerald’s relationship. This rather unholy act angers Neville’s son Richard, who goes to war against the magical kingdom of Hogwartos. After several victories against the Weasley family, Arthur has Richard and his mother Hannah killed at the Lion Wedding.

5. Hermione, who was supposed to marry Harry, runs off with Draco Malfoy instead. Their son, Scorpius, is seen as the future hero even though he is raised as Neville’s bastard son. (in other words, D+H=S)

6. When Hermione ran off with Draco, Harry starts a war that gets the entire Malfoy family killed except for one.  Luna escapes across the sea to a foreign land called Azkabanos, where she becomes Khaleesi.

7. James is poisoned at the Snake wedding and Ron is blamed. He wants a trial by combat. His champion Cedric Diggory (who came to Hogs Landing to get revenge for his sister Cho’s death during Harry’s rebellion) fights against Viktor Krum and has his head crushed. (Ron also kills Arthur on the toilet and runs off to Azkabanos, where he meets Luna.)

8. Alice Longbottom would have to marry Ron, but escapes thanks to Severus Snape (who would be like Littlefinger). Lorcan would be crippled by Gerald and be trained in scrying by Hagrid. No word on Lysander.

9. Albus-Severus would be a weak king and Ginny would be arrested by the Order of Merlin for adultery, incest, and murder. Lily-Luna would be in Camelot, engaged to marry Chi Chang. (She also loses an ear)

10. All in all, there will be more violence, more sex, and more bad language than in Game of Thrones.

A Victim’s Guide to HPWS :: HPWS information, interaction, rehabilitation

via A Victim’s Guide to HPWS :: HPWS information, interaction, rehabilitation.

What is HPWS?

It’s short for “Harry Potter Withdrawal Syndrome“. This psychological problem is the result of what happens when a person withdraws from the world of Harry Potter. According to the website, HPWS is caused by an addiction to the immensely-popular Harry Potter series, and the books (which was written by J.K. Rowling) are read and beloved by billions of fans around the world.

So, what causes HPWS?

A prolonged exposure to anything relating to Harry Potter.

What are the symptoms of HPWS?

  • Interest in Harry Potter (by rereading the books, watching the movies, writing fanfictions, drawing fan art)
  • Thinking that Harry Potter is above all other books and hating (or shutting out) any other book that poses a “threat” to Harry Potter (such as Eragon, Lord of the Rings, Twilight, the Hunger Games, or the Percy Jackson series)
  • Spending countless hours on Harry Potter-related forums
  • Attempting to “convert” people to read the Potter series.
  • Getting angry with and/or bullying people who dislike Harry Potter
  • Spending countless hours “trapped” in the world of Harry Potter (includes daydreaming)
  • Even worse, trying to inject yourself into the world of Harry Potter (yeah, that was me!)

Treatment options

According to the website, here are the following treatments:

  • Ten-day treatment plan, which includes withdrawing from Harry Potter over a period of 10 days
  • Thirty-day treatment plan, which includes withdrawing from Harry Potter over a period of 30 days
  • Purging: after following the 10 or 30 day treatment plan, a purging includes withdrawing from ALL Harry Potter-related websites, putting the books and DVDS away (or giving them away), getting rid of anything such as posters or other things.

However, there are those who are deemed “Incurably Corrupt”, which means that they can never be “cured” of their Harry Potter obsession. (At this point, you might as well say a prayer for them and hope for the best.)

Despite the treatments, HPWS can come back, so be on your guard at ALL times!

Well, HPWS isn’t a real disease, but it sure is spreading like one!

Ideas To Explore in a Next-Gen/Future Harry Potter Story or Roleplay – Springhole.net

via Ideas To Explore in a Next-Gen/Future Harry Potter Story or Roleplay – Springhole.net.

I found this on Springhole.Net and decided that this could be useful for when you want to do a Harry Potter story set in the future(or maybe not)

Harry Potter’s story takes place during the 1990s. But we want to write a future story. But according to the article, this could be a problem for the following reasons:

  1. You can’t bring your Smartphone into Hogwarts. OR you can use magic to make your Smartphone work. No matter what, there are no Muggle-made devices allowed at Hogwarts. (Or wizards could ban Muggle things altogether.)
  2. Secrecy is harder, as Muggles could film someone doing magic with their Smartphones and upload the video onto YouTube.
  3. Muggle-born wizards and witches’ lives are ruined by Hogwarts (plus, going to Hogwarts compromises said Muggle-born’s future in the Muggle world)
  4. Even better, Muggles seem to have it easier than wizards; since Muggles are technologically advanced and wizards are a century and a half behind.

Maybe that’ll discourage you from writing Harry Potter next generation fanfiction, or at least make you rethink the world of Harry Potter altogether. (I was already rethinking Harry Potter long before this list came out.)

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Harry Potter References in “Janette Lennox”

The Hall at Christ Church in Oxford, England.

The Hall at Christ Church in Oxford, England. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In my 2013 NaNoWriMo story Janette Lennox, we have to wonder how many Harry Potter references are in this story. I know that there’s quite a few references, such as:

  • Janette being left at the church=Harry being left at the Dursleys
  • Janette being bullied by Tyson=Harry being bullied by Dudley
  • Janette being friends with Malinda and Silas=Harry being friends with Ron and Hermione
  • Janette leaving Bethsaida Chapel to attend Gamaris Academy of Alchemy & Magic=Harry leaving the Dursleys’ home to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry

There are several profound differences between Harry Potter and Janette Lennox; the main difference is that Janette is going through a mild form of PTSD after Tyson beats her for not attending his birthday party. Plus, Janette feels inadequate at times and she avoids the other students, especially those who have parents. As far as we know, Harry doesn’t even suffer the ill effects of being locked away in a closet for ten years, nor does he suffer from depression because he was living with people who did not like him or treat him well.

I could go on describing the differences between Harry and Janette, but that’s not this blog post. I have written Janette to be a darker version of Harry Potter with a few Twilight-like elements thrown in for good measure. There is the “Golden Trio” of Malinda, Silas, and a new boy named Garrett, but none of them are actually good; in fact, they plot to kidnap Janette and rid her of her magic. All of this tension will actually make a better story than Harry Potter ever was.

Now you know.

Link to this story on Smashwords:  (Janette Lennox)

Harry Potter Redux quote/essay

What if I can’t be their hero? What if I’m destined to be the villain?”

Harry Potter is not the hero in the fan fiction “Harry Potter Redux“; in fact he has turned away from the path of being a hero and taking the path of wisdom. That move had shocked scores of wizards, including Albus Dumbledore, who had originally wanted Harry to go into his preferred house of Gryffindor. Instead, Harry goes into Ravenclaw and walks a fine line between wisdom and heroism. he chooses not to be the hero, but rather the wise mage that his parents and the headmaster never were.

Also, Harry thinks that voldemort isn’t worth fighting and Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger aren’t worthy of being his friends. he chooses two kids named Phil Dennison and Nina Barlow to be his friends, plus inviting two kids Duncan Snyder and the eccentric Candice Thorpe. the group, dubbed the “Blue Crew”, defeats the 15-member Dumbledore’s Army in a battle of wits. Harry defeats Dumbledore and then threatens to expose his true agenda to the wizarding world if he doesn’t stop interfering with his life.

Whether or not Harry will actually become the hero is up for grabs.

How I Think Harry Potter Should Have Ended

Harry Moffer 4

Harry Moffer 4 (Photo credit: claireviolet82)

“After realizing that it was all a fantasy and that his life still sucked, he was not a legendary hero, there was no magical academy where he would have friends and fans, and his parents’ death was really just an ordinary car accident, Harry reached up one last time to find he also didn’t really have a scar.”

What just happened? Harry Potter woke up back in his room. It wasn’t really much of a room; just a bed and a chest of drawers in a group home setting. In fact, there were several more beds in the place, which were surrounded by grey walls and no windows. How did I get to this place, he wondered to himself.

Little did he realize that his uncle and aunt had secretly sent him to the home when he began talking about magic and wizards and refusing to act like a normal boy. Harry also didn’t know what a group home was; he just pretended that the home was a magical school where he had friends, he was a legendary hero, and had millions of fans. He had gone on with this fantasy…at least until someone slapped him across his face.

“What gives?” Harry cried out.

“You,” said a girl (who was not Hermione Granger) who was standing over him. “You act so crazy, they’re about five seconds from sending you to the crazy house. That’s why your relatives got rid of you; they can’t handle your crazy. Can’t you be like everyone else?”

“You mean, there is no Hogwarts?” Harry cried out.

“No,” said a boy (who was not Ron Weasley) who stood next to the girl. “There’s no such thing as Hogwarts. In fact, there’s no such thing as magic at all. Now stop being crazy and grow up.”

The children walked away and slammed the door to Harry’s room shut, leaving Harry to wallow in the filth of his shame. He couldn’t believe that the greatest adventures of his life was nothing more than a fantasy that he made up in his head. He wasn’t famous, he had no friends, he had no fans, he wasn’t a wizard, and he certainly couldn’t do magic, as there was no such thing as magic. He stared into a mirror (or what appeared to be a mirror) and discovered that he did not have a scar.

My whole life is a lie, Harry thought to himself as his dream quickly evaporated, leaving him cold and alone. No one wanted to speak to him because of his fantasies and those who did smacked him around. Harry needed to grow up immediately. Perhaps he really needed to see a doctor about his delusions.

Percy Jackson & Harry Potter: Why They’re Alike,Why They Aren’t, And Why It Really Doesn’t Matter. | Percy Jackson Movies | Percy Jackson Movies

Percy Jackson Props

Percy Jackson Props (Photo credit: camknows)

via Percy Jackson & Harry Potter: Why They’re Alike,Why They Aren’t, And Why It Really Doesn’t Matter. | Percy Jackson Movies | Percy Jackson Movies.

Does it really matter that Harry Potter and Percy Jackson are alike?

According to us, it does.

Here’s why:

  • Percy goes to Camp Half-Blood while Harry Potter goes to Hogwarts
  • Harry is a wizard while Percy is a demigod.
  • Plus, their life journeys are different; Percy is among those who could save the world or destroy it, and Harry has to defeat some evil wizard or the wizarding world is doomed.

I could stop there (and I should), but it doesn’t seem to matter because according to the other bloggers, Harry Potter just can’t hold a candle to Percy Jackson’s lantern.

Plus, in the words of Percy Jackson himself: I’m so much better, so Potter, you can’t sue!