Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever on Stories in 5 Minutes

Potter Musical on my television!

Potter Musical on my television! (Photo credit: sermoa)

And here’s the story as it was written on the blog Stories in 5 Minutes:

Once again, we revisit the magical world of… hey, wait a minute! This isn’t the new Harry Potter story!

Far from it.

Instead, we have the rather boring story about a loser kid who goes to some pathetic school with his two lame friends and has a series of pointless adventures.

I guess this just goes to show you that Harry Potter really does suck.

To be continued…

And there you have it. Book two will be out next year.


56 Books to Read if You Love Harry Potter

56 Books to Read if You Love Harry Potter.

Basically, this post is for all of you who love Harry Potter and need something else to read. Here’s my opinion of the lists of books:

  1. Percy Jackson Series by Rick Riordan: Completed books 1 and 2. Currently reading book 3.
  2. Artemis Fowl Series by Eoin Colfer: Completed books 1-7. Have yet to read book 8.
  3. Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer: Completed all four books, including the novella The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner.
  4. Septimus Heap Series by Angie Sage: Haven’t read the books yet.
  5. Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins: Haven’t read the books yet.
  6. His Dark Materials Trilogy by Philip Pullman: Completed all three books.
  7. The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis: Completed all seven books
  8. The Spiderwick Chronicles by Tony Diterlizzi and Holly Black: Haven’t read the books yet.
  9. The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini: Completed all four books.

Well, maybe I should review one of these book series this summer then.

10 Reasons Hogwarts Is The Worst Damn School Ever

In this blog post, the writer is making a point that Hogwarts isn’t the type of school for kids to be attending. Far from it. I’m going to just say that this is very well-written and yet funny at the same time.


Hey everybody, look at that title! If you can’t guess what something called “10 Reasons Hogwarts Is The Worst Damn School Ever” is about, than I officially have to confiscate your eyeballs.


10: “You Know What Would Be Funny? Making People Run In To Walls.”

This is just a minor nitpick, but seriously, what the fuck was up with Platform 9 3/4?!

Think about it: Hogwarts sends letters to these kids, tell them they’re magic, then say “oh, by the way, run in to this brick wall”. What, is the entire admission system run by the Three Stooges?!

Wait a second, that’s a lie. They don’t even say “run in to this wall”, they just say “go to this station that doesn’t actually exist”. The only reason Harry doesn’t assume that the Durleys were playing a practical joke is because he runs in to the Weasleys which is incidentally…

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Harry Potter Spoof, Day 20

Chatterwell Stories 3

Chatterwell Stories 3 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Praise for Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever

Bursting with originality. A loser boy fighting a war against a popular children’s book has simply never been done before.”- The Richmond Messenger

About as moving as a pig eating a snake, but Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever does deliver an important message about not giving into the pop culture hype.”- Hindy Cays, author of Starfield Sunrise

A fake magic crystal would be my first choice too. This must be based on a true story, you couldn’t make this stuff up!”- The Wrong Stuff

I could do better than that pile of crap.”- Priscilla Peck

Jarey has succeeded in creating a wonderful parody from a mediocre children’s book. Go away, Potter! Moffer is the new boy wizard.”- The Daily Crap

Stupid, lame, and completely disgusting. I can’t believe I actually read this pile of crap. Please, for the love of God, don’t buy this book or rent it.”- Jacquel Rassenworth

Harry Potter Spoof, Day 5

Japanese writing

Japanese writing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well, today, I have planned out the story and chapter 5 is called Sparks, Snarks, & Spells.

Before we can get to that point, I have chapter 4, which is called The Term Begins. In that chapter, Harry meets Pun Teasley, Hildegarde Lamer, Neramill Flatbutton, and Domro Wilfy, all who are freshmen at Warthogpox High School.

For starters, Pun is a poorly-named boy from Japan who comes from an unnecessarily large family, who dislikes him. (Pun’s annoying younger sister, Fanny, is a huge Larry Dobber fan and she beats up anyone who hates Larry Dobber.) He speaks in puns and riddles, which doesn’t happen until the end of the story.

Hildegarde is the tough-as-nails quintessential “sassy black friend” who won’t stand for any crap. She makes the mistake of thinking of Harry as Larry Dobber, until she is corrected by said boy.

Neramill is just an ordinary kid who cares nothing for what’s popular.

Domro is the quintessential jerk who thinks he’s better than everyone else. But he’s no bully. (We’ll meet the bullies in the next chapter)

But those guys aren’t anything like what we’ll see in the next chapter of this story.

The Harry Potter spoof begins!

harry moffer 1

harry moffer 1 (Photo credit: claireviolet82)

Today, I now begin the spoof known as Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever!

In this parody, Harry Potter is a known as Harry Moffer, a normal boy who has nothing in common with his “useless” relatives. That is, until he is invited to attend an elite public school called Warthogpox High School. There, he meets Pun Teasley and Hildegarde Lamer and navigates the normal world of high school.

And no, there is no magic in the story. Now you know.

This blog post has been brought to you by: My version of a Harry Potter rip-off (accoriding to HowTo:Write a Harry Potter Ripoff)

P.S.: I’ve been aware that this is the 300th post on this blog.

The "Better than Harry Potter" blog

Since I’m on Tumblr, I decided to create a blog that explores every other fantasy series that is NOT Harry Potter. You can find the link to it in the Links section, or you can click here: http://betterthanharrypotter.tumblr.com/.

This Tumblog is for those who hate Harry Potter, NOT for Harry Potter fans, as it has nothign good to say about Harry Potter at all.

HowTo:Write a Harry Potter Ripoff – Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Uncyclopedia logo

Uncyclopedia logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

HowTo:Write a Harry Potter Ripoff – Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Proof that ANYONE can write a crappy story like Harry Potter.

Let’s all do the world a favor and write a story that has an original plot and stop millions of innocent children from reading this pile of crap, ok?

Even I can do better than that. I should know; I read fantasy every day!