My version of a Harry Potter rip-off (accoriding to HowTo:Write a Harry Potter Ripoff)

Well, first off, I did say that I wanted to write a rip-off of Harry Potter and the best way to do that is to just remake the series and inject a ton of silliness into it.

Like doing this:

  1. What is the concept: Harry Potter (plain and simple)
  2. What is the twist: the entire story takes place in a normal boring high school in a normal boring American town (nuff said)
  3. Who are the heroes: (ignoring the usually dull “Golden Trio” routine, I shall create the following): Harry Potter, who is renamed Harry Moffer, has a distinctive mark on his head that vaguely resembles a unicorn’s horn that is twisted into the shape of a C. Ron Weasley is renamed Pun Teasely and he knows the answers to scores of puns and riddles, not that it does him any good when it comes to actual social situations. Hermione Granger is renamed Hildegarde Lamer, and unlike the real Hermione, Hildegarde is not too bright and very few people, if any, can take her seriously. Rounding out the cast is Munoto Kuga (who is Japanese and has ZERO interest in anime) and Angelique Washington (who is black but really hates it when people call her out for not “acting black” (well, I guess it’s time to kill the all-white cast and get rid of the token racial stereotypes that have ever plagued out stories.
  4. What school does Harry attend: a normal high school. Duh! (What? you were expecting some exciting magical school? well, I have news for you; we’ve seen way too many books about magical schools in them, so enough with that cliché! plus, wouldn’t it be nice if Harry Potter went to a real school?)
  5. What is the quest: (well, this one is going to sound rather silly) since this is the first story and since it’s based off of Harry Potter & the Sorcerer’s Stone, I’ll have Harry and his friends go chasing after the magician’s crystal, which is shaped like a flower and gives the user the power to…(hmmm…now that I came up with this crazy idea on a whim, whatever shall I do with the crystal? I’ll come back to this one later.)
  6. Who is the villain: Well, this time, Lord Voldemort will be given the really silly name of Gourd Maldyfart and he isn’t just some boring douchebag like his real-life counterpart; in fact, he’s the kids’ less than exciting math teacher who thinks that he’s the most powerful wizard in the world when he’s really a loser who lives in the basement of some respectable person’s house. (Of course, that’s just the foundation, but I’ll return later to knock this plot into place)
  7. As for everything else: Dumbledore is just the principal named Halfus Snibblepore, Snape is the science teacher named Celevus Pate, Malfoy is known as Domro Wilfy, and since the story takes place in a regular high school, there’s hardly any magic that will take place, unless it’s Jill Roseberry (a.k.a. moi) who is very much preoccupied with her role-playing games to be much of a bother to the story. (Plus, no matter how smart Jill is, Harry and his friends don’t beg her for her help until it’s almost too late. well, that’s just how it is)

Well, that’s only part ONE of the story. In order to continue with the rest, all I have to do is this:

Book 1: Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever! (In which Harry Moffer goes to Warthogpox High School and deals with a next-to-useless magical object called the Magician’s Crystal)

Book 2: Harry Moffer & the Really Stupid Sequel (This time, Warthogpox High gets bitten by the High School Musical bug and Harry Moffer is the only one who can save everyone from their forced singing. But to do that, he’ll have to go into the cubicle of restricted fruitcakes and do battle with a former Warthogpox High student. The name of the student I will decide later)

Book 3: Harry Moffer & the High School Sophomores Who Just Can’t Keep It Together (in Harry Motter’s sophomore year at Warthogpox High School, a man by the name of Spoofius Brown breaks free of his prison at Cronecast Castle and seeks the guy who ruined his life. Poor Harry is caught in the middle of the conflict. Plus, no one in his class is acting right at all.)

Book 4: Harry Moffer Really Needs to Just Give Up & Go Home (in the middle of Harry’s sophomore year, four exchange students arrive in the school, named Narlie Tone, Corviss Anvaleese, Quercy Namsan, and Rella Fawn, all who are better than poor Harry Moffer and his band of losers. Plus, a classmate named Deadric Vampory returns from the dead to harass our hero!)

Book 5: Harry Moffer & the Unhappy Fandom (in Harry Moffet’s junior year at Warthogpox High, a huge group of people band together to protect him from He-Who-Really-Needs-a-Better-Name. But Harry doesn’t care about that at all; in fact, he has to do this really stupid project for his English and history classes and he really can’t afford to waste any time doing other things. This includes pursuing the not-token Latino Dora Explorez. Plus, the fandom is starting to get tired of his antics and a flood of hate letters proves that.)

Book 6: Harry Moffer is a Complete Idiot (in this next part of the story, Harry is torn between Dora and Pun’s annoying Mary-Sue sister Fanny. Also, Pun and Hildegarde are fighting while Lord Whatever-His-Name-Is is doing nothing more than using magic to wreak havoc on the normal citizens of the American town where the story is taking place)

Book 7: Harry Moffer & Whatever is Left to Come (Well, Harry is now a high school senior and instead on focusing on graduating, he’s gotten himself roped into joining Jill and her role-playing friends, who are playing a deadly new game called Quest Thunder. However, the game is really a trick created by Lord Can’t-Come-Up-With-a-Good-Name in which he is trying to trap Harry)

STILL book 7: The Harry Moffer Series Has Been Permanently Canceled, So Goodbye Everyone! (After Harry has barely survived a kidnapping attempt by the Stupid Lord, he plunkers down to prepare to graduate from Warthogpox High School. But along the way, he has to deal with the problem of college applications, what to study in college, and deciding once and for all if he is going to be dating Dora Explorez or Fanny Teasely. Well, the Stupid Lord has decided that he’s going to put the breaks on Harry’s future plans…permanently! Can Harry survive long enough to actually make it to graduation?)

Well, I’m having a lot of fun with this story and since I want a parody/rip-off of Harry Potter that ACTUALLLY makes sense, so I’m going to use this idea for the parody and give the Tyler Potter spoof a much-needed makeover.

Now I’m off to work on this thing, but before I go, I shall leave you all with one final spoof…

Harry Moffer & the Crappy Epilogue: Many years after graduating from Warthogpox High School, Harry is sending his three properly named children with the still Mary-Sue-like Fanny Teasley off to school. But controversy arrives when a son of Dora Explorez and a daughter of Jill Roseberry (both of who look like Harry) show up to enroll in the same school, leaving everyone to wonder if Harry had really cheated on his so-called “true love” with his former high school sweetheart and the now successful actress.

Now that’s enough of that. Now go away, because I’ve got work to do and it needs to be done. Buzz off.

Link to website where I go the idea to write this blog post:


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