How different would the Harry Potter series be, if it was written by George R.R. Martin instead of J.K. Rowling?

Jacquel Chrissy’s Answers – Quora

Well, here’s how I would see it:

1. Ginny Weasley and her twin brother Gerald would be banging each other, creating three bastard children while she was married to Harry Potter. James (who is the oldest) will be sitting on the Iron Throne after Harry dies in a Quidditch accident.

2. Harry would marry Ginny even though he still pines for a dead Hermione Granger. He also hires his best friend Neville Longbottom to be his hand and has illicit relationships with other girls and create numoerous bastard children.

3. Ron who is the most despised member of the Weasley family, is written as a Tyrion lookalike. Plus, he’d be a badass.

4. Neville is executed by James after he discovers the truth about Ginny and Gerald’s relationship. This rather unholy act angers Neville’s son Richard, who goes to war against the magical kingdom of Hogwartos. After several victories against the Weasley family, Arthur has Richard and his mother Hannah killed at the Lion Wedding.

5. Hermione, who was supposed to marry Harry, runs off with Draco Malfoy instead. Their son, Scorpius, is seen as the future hero even though he is raised as Neville’s bastard son. (in other words, D+H=S)

6. When Hermione ran off with Draco, Harry starts a war that gets the entire Malfoy family killed except for one.  Luna escapes across the sea to a foreign land called Azkabanos, where she becomes Khaleesi.

7. James is poisoned at the Snake wedding and Ron is blamed. He wants a trial by combat. His champion Cedric Diggory (who came to Hogs Landing to get revenge for his sister Cho’s death during Harry’s rebellion) fights against Viktor Krum and has his head crushed. (Ron also kills Arthur on the toilet and runs off to Azkabanos, where he meets Luna.)

8. Alice Longbottom would have to marry Ron, but escapes thanks to Severus Snape (who would be like Littlefinger). Lorcan would be crippled by Gerald and be trained in scrying by Hagrid. No word on Lysander.

9. Albus-Severus would be a weak king and Ginny would be arrested by the Order of Merlin for adultery, incest, and murder. Lily-Luna would be in Camelot, engaged to marry Chi Chang. (She also loses an ear)

10. All in all, there will be more violence, more sex, and more bad language than in Game of Thrones.

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27 Things People Who Didn’t Like “Harry Potter” Are Tired Of Hearing

via 27 Things People Who Didn’t Like “Harry Potter” Are Tired Of Hearing

Hate Harry Potter? Tired of being mocked for hating him? Read this list and make your critics weep:

  1. When you say you don’t like Harry Potter, people automatically assume you have no imagination. (Guess what: I hate Harry Potter. DEAL WITH IT, YOU TWAT!!)
  2. Or, better yet, they think you’re illiterate. “Have you even read the book???” (No, I haven’t read the book , and I don’t plan to. Get off my back about it!)
  3. There is always talk of a new book or new movie or new Harry Potter SOMETHING, so if you aren’t excited about it, you’re a social pariah. (I have better things to do than to obsess over a fictional character.)
  4. No, you don’t get it. Actually, you feel no connection to this world because unlike them, you can’t solve all your inconveniences with magic. (FYI, you can’t solve the world problems with magic! Duh!)
  5. And spell names? Yeah, what the f**k is “Expelliarmus”? (can I punch someone in the face, please?)
  6. Patronuses… WTF??? This is the stuff of nightmares. (I’ve already had enough nightmares from real life; I don’t want them in my books!)
  7. “Muggles” and “Mudbloods” and blah blah BLAH.(Are you fricking racist???)
  8. “This is such an epic story of good vs. evil.” Yeah, except the villains are flat: Voldemort is self-loathing, Petunia Dursley is mega jealz of her sister, and Draco is going through puberty, like all the time. (YAWN. I could crap out a better story than this.)
  9. Don’t fool yourself, Harry and Ginny do NOT make the cutest couple ever. (Oedipal complex??)
  10. Also, the School of Witchcraft and Wizardry does not seem fun, it sounds like a total bummer; everyone is always in danger of DYING. (can’t I at least get through one year without BEING IN FRICKING DANGER ALL THE TIME???)
  11. Being assigned to Slytherin for any HP-themed game is a passive-aggressive way of people telling you you f**king suck. (Well, **** you! I won’t do what you tell me!)
  12. To everyone who wishes Gryffindor existed: Isn’t categorizing everyone into four different groups just a terrible idea? (sorting is just as bad as labeling)
  13. He Who Must Not Be Named” would never happen. There’d always be some kids in an alleyway saying his name all the time just because they could. (Are you fricking kidding me???)
  14. Then there was that day your friends dragged you to watch the first part of the seventh movie because you “had to see it!” (Dude, if you drag me to this piece of **** movie, I will unfriend you!)
  15. To your surprise, or lack there of, it actually isn’t “the best movie of all time”; all the movies start to blend together and feel exactly the SAME. (Harry repeats itself ALL THE FRICKING TIME!!! Why would you want to subject yourself to that?)
  16. The “epic” final wand battle of the seventh movie feels depressingly anticlimactic. (wake me up when Harry dies)
  17. You couldn’t care less that there’s an International Quidditch Association. (Screw quidditch. Football is better.)
  18. All the news stories of the legal injunctions and blackmail attempts caused from fear of the latest book leaking is a bit too much. (and people think that fan fiction should be legal)
  19. You’ve heard your friends geek out about it one too many times. (guess what? you need to dump your friends)
  20. The tattoos, just, NO. (I’d rather do Game of Thrones)
  21. The fan fiction terrifies you. (better yet, avoid fan fiction like it’s the plague)
  22. Everyone went through a period where they tried to sound British, and it still drives you NUTS. (You’ve just offended everyone who is actually British. Go stand in a corner and rethink your life.)
  23. Also, everyone and their mother takes this photo next to the 9 ¾ cart when they’re in London. (You have officially lost me as a child. Have fun playing with your imaginary kid.)
  24. Sardine flavored jelly beans are enough to turn your apathy toward HP into complete detestation. (#1, gross, and #2, how dare you steal from Jelly Belly! I’m shocked that a lawsuit hasn’t been filed yet to stop this travesty)
  25. The abundance of HP products everywhere makes you feel like there is no escape. (Can’t we make this just go away? Like forever?)
  26. Not to mention this THEME PARK, which is really just a hub for obsessive fans. (DO. NOT. GO TO THAT. PLACE. OR. ELSE. YOU’LL. NEVER. BE ALLOWED. TO. LEAVE.)
  27. Honestly, J.K. Rowling’s success story is the most interesting part of this whole thing to you. (her dreams came true at the cost of everyone else’s sanity.)

Now you know. As for me, I’m MUGGLE AND PROUD OF IT!!

Read J.K. Rowling’s new post for the latest Harry Potter ‘gossip’ (from Today.com)

via Read J.K. Rowling’s new post for the latest Harry Potter ‘gossip’

Well, once again, we have another Harry Potter story from J. K. Rowling. And as interesting as this may appear to be, it just feels like fan fiction. I mean, there’s way too much Harry Potter fan fiction out there, so why do we need some from the author. If she’s *THAT* desperate to continue the Harry Potter series, she should just publish some short stories on Amazon.com.

It’s as simple as that.

Not Another Harry Potter Story!!!

Ok, so once again, we have to deal with J. K. Rowling being unable to let go of her cash cow, I mean, Harry Potter. Good golly god, Rowling! Haven’t you had enough of Harry Potter? Because we sure have.

Besides, do we really care to hear about Harry Potter? No! We want to know more about Dumbledore, Snape, and the wizarding world in general. Plus, as the song states, we’re getting tired of Pooter.

(and yes, I meant to write Pooter instead of Potter. Thank you for pointing that out.)

Just mosey on along.

A Victim’s Guide to HPWS :: HPWS information, interaction, rehabilitation

via A Victim’s Guide to HPWS :: HPWS information, interaction, rehabilitation.

What is HPWS?

It’s short for “Harry Potter Withdrawal Syndrome“. This psychological problem is the result of what happens when a person withdraws from the world of Harry Potter. According to the website, HPWS is caused by an addiction to the immensely-popular Harry Potter series, and the books (which was written by J.K. Rowling) are read and beloved by billions of fans around the world.

So, what causes HPWS?

A prolonged exposure to anything relating to Harry Potter.

What are the symptoms of HPWS?

  • Interest in Harry Potter (by rereading the books, watching the movies, writing fanfictions, drawing fan art)
  • Thinking that Harry Potter is above all other books and hating (or shutting out) any other book that poses a “threat” to Harry Potter (such as Eragon, Lord of the Rings, Twilight, the Hunger Games, or the Percy Jackson series)
  • Spending countless hours on Harry Potter-related forums
  • Attempting to “convert” people to read the Potter series.
  • Getting angry with and/or bullying people who dislike Harry Potter
  • Spending countless hours “trapped” in the world of Harry Potter (includes daydreaming)
  • Even worse, trying to inject yourself into the world of Harry Potter (yeah, that was me!)

Treatment options

According to the website, here are the following treatments:

  • Ten-day treatment plan, which includes withdrawing from Harry Potter over a period of 10 days
  • Thirty-day treatment plan, which includes withdrawing from Harry Potter over a period of 30 days
  • Purging: after following the 10 or 30 day treatment plan, a purging includes withdrawing from ALL Harry Potter-related websites, putting the books and DVDS away (or giving them away), getting rid of anything such as posters or other things.

However, there are those who are deemed “Incurably Corrupt”, which means that they can never be “cured” of their Harry Potter obsession. (At this point, you might as well say a prayer for them and hope for the best.)

Despite the treatments, HPWS can come back, so be on your guard at ALL times!

Well, HPWS isn’t a real disease, but it sure is spreading like one!

The Story is Decided…

anti-Harry Potter stamp

anti-Harry Potter stamp (Photo credit: claireviolet82)

OK, I’ve kept you all in suspense long enough.

And the 2013 NaNoWriMo novel is going to be…Janette Lennox!

I know you’re all staring at me, as if I had suddenly grew extra nails where I should have fingers, but hear me out. The summary is as follows: in an homage to “Harry Potter” and other magical stories set in Britain, a girl is sent to the Garmaris School of Alchemy and Magic and goes on a magical adventure.

I can hear you saying, “Enough with the Harry Potter ripoffs!” But let me say this: The story is the story that J.K. Rowling should have written, and Harry Potter should have been a girl. I’m also getting rid of the silliness that plagued the Harry Potter books, preferring to inject some degree of realism into the story. There will be no fairytale abusive relatives or hotheaded incompetent dark lords or even the study of witchcraft (FYI, you CAN write a magical story without witchcraft or sorcery) in this story.

I’ll be knocking that story into place soon in preparation for writing the story on November 1, 2013.

How I Think Harry Potter Should Have Ended

Harry Moffer 4

Harry Moffer 4 (Photo credit: claireviolet82)

“After realizing that it was all a fantasy and that his life still sucked, he was not a legendary hero, there was no magical academy where he would have friends and fans, and his parents’ death was really just an ordinary car accident, Harry reached up one last time to find he also didn’t really have a scar.”

What just happened? Harry Potter woke up back in his room. It wasn’t really much of a room; just a bed and a chest of drawers in a group home setting. In fact, there were several more beds in the place, which were surrounded by grey walls and no windows. How did I get to this place, he wondered to himself.

Little did he realize that his uncle and aunt had secretly sent him to the home when he began talking about magic and wizards and refusing to act like a normal boy. Harry also didn’t know what a group home was; he just pretended that the home was a magical school where he had friends, he was a legendary hero, and had millions of fans. He had gone on with this fantasy…at least until someone slapped him across his face.

“What gives?” Harry cried out.

“You,” said a girl (who was not Hermione Granger) who was standing over him. “You act so crazy, they’re about five seconds from sending you to the crazy house. That’s why your relatives got rid of you; they can’t handle your crazy. Can’t you be like everyone else?”

“You mean, there is no Hogwarts?” Harry cried out.

“No,” said a boy (who was not Ron Weasley) who stood next to the girl. “There’s no such thing as Hogwarts. In fact, there’s no such thing as magic at all. Now stop being crazy and grow up.”

The children walked away and slammed the door to Harry’s room shut, leaving Harry to wallow in the filth of his shame. He couldn’t believe that the greatest adventures of his life was nothing more than a fantasy that he made up in his head. He wasn’t famous, he had no friends, he had no fans, he wasn’t a wizard, and he certainly couldn’t do magic, as there was no such thing as magic. He stared into a mirror (or what appeared to be a mirror) and discovered that he did not have a scar.

My whole life is a lie, Harry thought to himself as his dream quickly evaporated, leaving him cold and alone. No one wanted to speak to him because of his fantasies and those who did smacked him around. Harry needed to grow up immediately. Perhaps he really needed to see a doctor about his delusions.

Harley Christianson & the Redemption (a Christian Story about Harry Potter)

The following story is based off the short story Henry Shepherd and the Rock of Ages by Richard E. Salisbury.

Also known as the story that offended many Harry Potter fans with its Christian values

This short story was written by Jeana Sollman in the story “Harry Potter Destroyed My Town” and there was a huge uproar over the fact that a Harry Potter-like character converts to Christianity, quits doing magic, dropped out of his Hogwarts-like school, and spends the rest of his life as a Muggle.

In this story, 16-year-old Harley Porter is a student at a magical boarding school. His best friends are Jonathan Nealy and Diana MacArthur. Harley is mostly content with his life, but he is beginning to doubt his place in the world.

He makes a new friend named Jamie Raines, a girl who introduces him to a man named Joshua Christianson. Joshua was once a wizard before his conversion to Christianity when he was 18 years old. He has spent 15 years converting wizards to Christianity and persuading many other people to stop doing magic and instead devote their lives to worshipping God. He was invited to the school to teach the students about magical history, but Jamie and a few other students are secretly learning about God because the teachers and headmaster don’t want the students to learn about God and stop doing magic.

Harley doesn’t have much of a religious belief, seeing as he was an orphan living with relatives who know nothing about his magical life. He also doesn’t know why God should be worshiped when there are so many decent people in the world. Jamie convinces him to join Joshua and his disciples, which he reluctantly does. Harley also clashes with Jonathan and Diana about learning about God and having to forgive Michael Davis (the school bully), who had also joined Joshua and is repenting his own sins.

Jonathan and Diana, alarmed that Joshua and his disciples might be “corrupting” Harley, unwisely inform the school’s high inquisitor, who has a grudge against Joshua. A mob riot ensues and Joshua is arrested for “crimes against the magical world“. After a mock trial, Joshua is found guilty and beheaded. Harley is crushed by the events and vows to quit doing magic. He also breaks his friendships with Jonathan and Diana.

After three days have passed, Jamie tells him that she saw Joshua rise from the dead. Harley doesn’t believe her until he sees Joshua show up in the Great Hall. Joshua explains that he was meant to die and that because of his death, wizards everywhere are learning about God and need help in order to give up magic and live Christian lives.

After a few weeks of teaching, Joshua decides to leave the school and take his message somewhere else. He blesses his disciples and prepares to leave. Joshua tells Harley to reconcile with his relatives and to forgive Jonathan and Diana. Harley agrees to transfer to a Christian school and continue his education. The story ends with Joshua blessing Harley and Jamie and goes on his way. Harley is later seen at his new school and Jamie convinces her guardian to reaffirm his faith in God.

This story, for what it’s worth, illustrates what would happen if Harry Potter were to discover Christianity and turn his back on magic. I’ll have the story uploaded on this blog next month.

Hooray! We have survived a whole year without Harry Potter!

Harry Potter & the Methods of Rationality movi...

Harry Potter & the Methods of Rationality movie poster (Photo credit: claireviolet82)

Well, we have done the impossible. We have lived through an entire year without listening to the words “Harry Potter“.

Doesn’t that feel great? I know I’m feeling fantastic, seeing as I’m recuperating from having to hear about Harry Potter, and I was getting tired of it. But if we can go through 2012 without Harry Potter, than we can endure the the rest of our lives without Harry Potter.

Anyway, let’s get back to the real reason why we have this blog in the first place.

Seven Reasons Why Hermione Should Have Been the Main Character in the Harry Potter Books

hermione granger

hermione granger (Photo credit: karly ilustraciones)

Today, we will be looking at the character Hermione Granger and why she was never the main character in the Harry Potter books. For many years, she was seen simply as the friend of Harry Potter who was a girl. To me, I think that it’s rather pathetic that Hermione was seen this way and I fully resolve to make sure that the real Hermione Granger steps forward.

7. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she wouldn’t be friends with Harry Potter or Ron Weasley. Case in point: Hermione glanced all around her and saw two boys sitting in a booth. One had red hair and the other had dark hair and wore glasses. She frowned as she stared at the two boy and thought to herself there’s no way I’m hanging out with those two! They look like complete losers! She shook her head and went to the next booth. Perhaps the people in the other car would help her track down Neville’s lost toad.

6. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she wouldn’t be in Gryffindor. In fact, she’d be in Ravenclaw. Case in point: Hermione took her seat as the Sorting Hat was placed on her head. Within a few seconds, it shouted out the word “RAVENCLAW“. The Ravenclaws applauded as she took her place among them. (Also, why would JKR place a smart girl like Hermione in the lamest house in Hogwarts?)

5. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she wouldn’t be on the Quidditch team. THAT would cut into her homework time.

4. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she wouldn’t be so involved with her friends that she cuts off her parents, or even modify her parents’ memories to make them forget that they even had a daughter in the first place. She would at least write to her parents once a month to inform them of her progress at Hogwarts.

3. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she wouldn’t be so concerned about her looks or if the other students would want her around. She has better things to do than to worry about superficial things. Also, she wouldn’t be hanging out with such book dumb people as Harry and Ron. Her friends would be just as smart as she is.

2. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she would be the smartest student in the school. But her adventures in Hogwarts will most likely be the subversion of the trope “Intelligence Equals Isolation”. I mean, she’s got to have *SOME* friends, just not Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.

1. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she would have already figured out that Quirrell was going to steal the sorcerer’s stone, found out that Ginny Weasley had opened the Chamber of Secrets, told the truth about Sirius Black, realized that the Twiwizard Tournament was rigged, THOUGHT before chasing after Sirius, stood up to Umbridge, and realized that Dumbledore was a manipulating, lying traitor who wanted to take over the world.

So there you have it. Unless JKR is willing to rewrite the series in Hermione’s POV and make her the main character, I’m never touching the Harry Potter books again.