Well, here’s how I would see it:
1. Ginny Weasley and her twin brother Gerald would be banging each other, creating three bastard children while she was married to Harry Potter. James (who is the oldest) will be sitting on the Iron Throne after Harry dies in a Quidditch accident.
2. Harry would marry Ginny even though he still pines for a dead Hermione Granger. He also hires his best friend Neville Longbottom to be his hand and has illicit relationships with other girls and create numoerous bastard children.
3. Ron who is the most despised member of the Weasley family, is written as a Tyrion lookalike. Plus, he’d be a badass.
4. Neville is executed by James after he discovers the truth about Ginny and Gerald’s relationship. This rather unholy act angers Neville’s son Richard, who goes to war against the magical kingdom of Hogwartos. After several victories against the Weasley family, Arthur has Richard and his mother Hannah killed at the Lion Wedding.
5. Hermione, who was supposed to marry Harry, runs off with Draco Malfoy instead. Their son, Scorpius, is seen as the future hero even though he is raised as Neville’s bastard son. (in other words, D+H=S)
6. When Hermione ran off with Draco, Harry starts a war that gets the entire Malfoy family killed except for one. Luna escapes across the sea to a foreign land called Azkabanos, where she becomes Khaleesi.
7. James is poisoned at the Snake wedding and Ron is blamed. He wants a trial by combat. His champion Cedric Diggory (who came to Hogs Landing to get revenge for his sister Cho’s death during Harry’s rebellion) fights against Viktor Krum and has his head crushed. (Ron also kills Arthur on the toilet and runs off to Azkabanos, where he meets Luna.)
8. Alice Longbottom would have to marry Ron, but escapes thanks to Severus Snape (who would be like Littlefinger). Lorcan would be crippled by Gerald and be trained in scrying by Hagrid. No word on Lysander.
9. Albus-Severus would be a weak king and Ginny would be arrested by the Order of Merlin for adultery, incest, and murder. Lily-Luna would be in Camelot, engaged to marry Chi Chang. (She also loses an ear)
10. All in all, there will be more violence, more sex, and more bad language than in Game of Thrones.
- The Harry Potter Reread: The Order of the Phoenix, Chapters 23 and 24 (tor.com)
- 22 Times Harry Potter Wasn’t The Brightest Wand In The Bunch (buzzfeed.com)
- Hermione Granger and the Goddamn Patriarchy (review) (everything2.com)
- A Summary of the Power Struggles Between Competing Families in the First Five Seasons of ‘Game of Thrones’ (laughingsquid.com)
- A ‘Game of Thrones’ Character May Not Be Dead After All [Spoilers] (dailytwocents.com)