Never Thought We Would See This Happen…

Well, it’s happening today.

If you remember the bad fanfiction that was the Harry Potter epilogue, it has been 19 years since the Voldemort Wars ended.

Meaning, it’s officially 19 years later; on that day, a young boy was sent to Hogwarts by his parents, and reading that part in Harry Potter & the Deathly Hollows was AWKWARD for everyone!

But that’s not what this blog post is about.

In fact, I must say that today is the day when we finally see the dreaded Harry Potter epilogue come to life. As in, Harry’s poorly-named second son is on his way to Hogwarts.

I don’t believe it.

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Harry Potter, I Sentence You to Die! – a Satire

Harry Potter, I sentence you to DIE!

Not only do your books and movies suck, but also there’s a fan fiction out there that exposed you for what you truly are. A fake. A phony. You’re the worst thing since creamed corn, and I would rather eat creamed corn than deal with you!

I can’t stand you. You’re freaking everywhere! I want you to go away and cease to exist! Let someone else take over the story because you’re not worth having one!

Please, just go away!

You’re saying you think I’m crazy? You say I would be happier if I would just sit down, shut up, and read your books? That is bullshit! I will NOT sit down, shut up, and read your books, not when there are better books out there for me to read!

So, for the last time, Harry Potter, go away!

The Crime of Not Liking Harry Potter – a Satirical Essay

If you’re not a Harry Potter fan, then you’ve probably committed an unforgivable crime. You will ultimately lose friends and family members will not talk to you. There will be a curse on your name.

But none of that happened to me. (OK, I have fewer friends than I did back then and my Harry Potter loving cousins still refuse to acknowledge my existence.) Instead of getting in trouble for not being a fan of Harry Potter, I found friends who did things other than sit on the couch and read books all day and interacted with other people instead of being with imaginary friends. Within weeks of being with these new friends, I found that I’m so much happier when I’m with others instead of being by myself. I know there’s a life that doesn’t have to include Harry Potter. And that has made my parents happier, if that’s any indication to you.

If only the others would see what I see, then things will be better for everyone in the end.

This “Harry Potter” theory is the most lonely and sad one yet

https://www.yahoo.com/news/harry-potter-theory-most-lonely-213641436.html

I have always believed that Harry must have made the whole story up in his head. I mean, what other explanation is there? Harry Potter was a story of a boy who liked to pretend that he was a famous wizard living with cruel and abusive relatives who shoved him into a closet under the stairs.

That seems to make more sense than some of the other Harry Potter theories out there.

I wonder who else believes this theory. If you do, please comment below. Thank you for reading this blog post.

When did pop culture forget how to let things end? | The Verge

http://www.theverge.com/2016/8/8/12388562/harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-star-wars-sequels?yptr=yahoo

Well, here’s a news article about how and why we just can’t let go of the things we love. I am beginning to wonder if I should just fire up the Delorean and go back to 1997 and prevent the Harry Potter books from being published. (Maybe then  people will be better off without that boy wizard turned spoiled brat.)

Anyway, my opinion of this article is that no one wants to let go of Harry Potter. I  mean, we should have been finished with the story about fifteen years ago. I honestly think that the books never should have been made into movies in the first place.

But that’s just me.

If you want to talk to me about this, please note that all comments are moderated, so all negative comments or spam will be deleted.

How different would the Harry Potter series be, if it was written by George R.R. Martin instead of J.K. Rowling?

Jacquel Chrissy’s Answers – Quora

Well, here’s how I would see it:

1. Ginny Weasley and her twin brother Gerald would be banging each other, creating three bastard children while she was married to Harry Potter. James (who is the oldest) will be sitting on the Iron Throne after Harry dies in a Quidditch accident.

2. Harry would marry Ginny even though he still pines for a dead Hermione Granger. He also hires his best friend Neville Longbottom to be his hand and has illicit relationships with other girls and create numoerous bastard children.

3. Ron who is the most despised member of the Weasley family, is written as a Tyrion lookalike. Plus, he’d be a badass.

4. Neville is executed by James after he discovers the truth about Ginny and Gerald’s relationship. This rather unholy act angers Neville’s son Richard, who goes to war against the magical kingdom of Hogwartos. After several victories against the Weasley family, Arthur has Richard and his mother Hannah killed at the Lion Wedding.

5. Hermione, who was supposed to marry Harry, runs off with Draco Malfoy instead. Their son, Scorpius, is seen as the future hero even though he is raised as Neville’s bastard son. (in other words, D+H=S)

6. When Hermione ran off with Draco, Harry starts a war that gets the entire Malfoy family killed except for one.  Luna escapes across the sea to a foreign land called Azkabanos, where she becomes Khaleesi.

7. James is poisoned at the Snake wedding and Ron is blamed. He wants a trial by combat. His champion Cedric Diggory (who came to Hogs Landing to get revenge for his sister Cho’s death during Harry’s rebellion) fights against Viktor Krum and has his head crushed. (Ron also kills Arthur on the toilet and runs off to Azkabanos, where he meets Luna.)

8. Alice Longbottom would have to marry Ron, but escapes thanks to Severus Snape (who would be like Littlefinger). Lorcan would be crippled by Gerald and be trained in scrying by Hagrid. No word on Lysander.

9. Albus-Severus would be a weak king and Ginny would be arrested by the Order of Merlin for adultery, incest, and murder. Lily-Luna would be in Camelot, engaged to marry Chi Chang. (She also loses an ear)

10. All in all, there will be more violence, more sex, and more bad language than in Game of Thrones.

Top 10 Reasons Why Harry Potter is the real villain in the Harry Potter books

Hello, and welcome to another week of top 10 in fandom. I hoped that you enjoyed the last list, because some people in Game of Thrones need to be skewered.

Anyway, today’s topic is the reasons why Harry Potter is the real villain in the Harry Potter books. Think about that for a second. We already know that Harry is no hero (in fact, who needs a hero who can’t do ANYTHING right?), but the thought of him being a villain isn’t something that is widely explored, even in fan fiction. I mean, why can’t we have him as a villain?

Anyway, the top 10 reasons why Harry Potter is the real villain in the Harry Potter books are as follows:

10. Harry has been shown to be very cruel to people.

9. He never seemed to grow out of his role as the Boy-Who-Lived.

8. The older Harry grew, the worse he became.

7. He doesn’t seem to care if anyone is sad or hurt.

6. He doesn’t use his fame power to exact some serious (and much-needed) change.

5. Harry just sits around doing nothing while evil reins supreme.

4. Harry doesn’t reflect on anything that he does, good or bad.

3. Harry doesn’t have an ounce of empathy in his heart.

2. Harry relies solely on luck (not that that’s villainous, but still)

1. Harry Potter, for all intentions, never really learned how to love.

Well, that’s all for this list, so I suggest that you set aside Harry Potter for good, if you haven’t already. If you find yourself disagreeing with any of the above items for any reason, then let me know in the comments. See you next week for more Top 10 in Fandom!

12 Things That Still Bother Me About Harry Potter – CollegeHumor Post

via 12 Things That Still Bother Me About Harry Potter – CollegeHumor Post.

If you consider yourself a Harry Potter fan, this is was should bother you about it:

1. How come they didn’t use any muggle inventions to inform their magic inventions?: This. PLEASE!!!!

2. Why wouldn’t everyone get a magic portrait of themselves and essentially live forever? You’re kidding, OK? Why would we want to live forever?

3. Why would J.K. Rowling even include the time-turner? The time-turner was one of the most stupid plot devices that was ever invented.

4. So, was Hagrid’s dad just a pervert or what? Uhhh…I’m not even going to think about that one.

5. If Fred and George had the Marauder’s Map during the events of the Chamber of Secrets, why didn’t they use it to help figure out who was opening the chamber? That would have solved the problem (or break up the Weasley family).

6. Why would Hogwarts have students ride to the castle on animals they could only see if they’d seen death?: This bothers me because haven’t we all seen death before? (plus, it segregates against orphans and we don’t need that.)

7. Why does Malfoy try to befriend Harry when they first meet?: Because Harry needed a better friend than Ron and Hermione. Plus, Harry could have turned the Malfoy family good or something like that.

8. Why aren’t they more careful what they teach Slytherin kids? Because people thought that the Slytherins were the “Evil” house. (which is hurtful and unnecessary. No wonder why kids in Slytherin turn out to be evil)

9. Why would Harry think he could get away with opening a letter in front of the Dursleys?: Because he’s stupid, that’s why!

10. Why was Moaning Myrtle played by a 37 year-old? Did they NOT want to hire someone in their late teens/early 20s to play her? To me, that just comes off as disgusting and disturbing.

11. The Ron/Hermione kiss was the lamest kiss ever.: Bella/Edward was so much better. (I will NOT apologize for that!)

12. And, finally, the most bothersome thing in the entire movie series: the actress they get to play the young version of Harry’s mom doesn’t have eyes that look anything like his.: Nice going, Hollywood! Now we’re all fricking confused!

If you’re just as confused about this as I am, then please leave your comments in the comments section. We must save this story!

Harry Potter: 10 Majorly Dumb Plot Holes You Never Noticed

via Harry Potter: 10 Majorly Dumb Plot Holes You Never Noticed.

Honorable mention: Time Travel: ehhhh…

10. Who Tortured Neville’s Parents Depends On Who The Current Antagonist Is: It’s Bellatrix Lestrange, people! Understand?

9. Lavender Brown Changes Race So She Can Be A Love Interest: Yes, America. Hollywood is f***ing racist and so are we.

8. Harry Couldn’t See The Thestrals Even Though He’d Seen Someone Die: plothole, anyone?

7. Time Develops Without Any Bearing On The Real World: Harry Potter took place during the 1990s (another reason why I HATE the 1990s), yet the movies were filmed during the 2000s. Isn’t this sad or what?

6. You Can Go Home For Christmas, Unless The Plot Demands You Can’t: Christmas is more important than the plot. Why? Jesus.

5. James Comes Out Of Voldemort’s Wand Before Lily, Despite Being Killed First: OK, who greenlighted THAT idea?

4. The Whole School Is Like The Room Of Requirement: Maybe we should have called it “Harry Potter & the School of Requirement”.

3. Harry Doesn’t Have His Mothers Eyes: why not digitally color Daniel Radcliffe‘s eyes?

2. Expelliarmus Is The Deux Ex Machina Spell: Why did Rowling even invent that?

1. Disarming Your Opponent Gives You Their Wand, But Only In The Last Book: WTF?? Seriously? You just HAD to make this stupid decision, Rowling! Shame on you!

Now you know. Maybe the books need to be rewritten and the movies need to be remade so that everything makes sense. OK?

27 Things People Who Didn’t Like “Harry Potter” Are Tired Of Hearing

via 27 Things People Who Didn’t Like “Harry Potter” Are Tired Of Hearing

Hate Harry Potter? Tired of being mocked for hating him? Read this list and make your critics weep:

  1. When you say you don’t like Harry Potter, people automatically assume you have no imagination. (Guess what: I hate Harry Potter. DEAL WITH IT, YOU TWAT!!)
  2. Or, better yet, they think you’re illiterate. “Have you even read the book???” (No, I haven’t read the book , and I don’t plan to. Get off my back about it!)
  3. There is always talk of a new book or new movie or new Harry Potter SOMETHING, so if you aren’t excited about it, you’re a social pariah. (I have better things to do than to obsess over a fictional character.)
  4. No, you don’t get it. Actually, you feel no connection to this world because unlike them, you can’t solve all your inconveniences with magic. (FYI, you can’t solve the world problems with magic! Duh!)
  5. And spell names? Yeah, what the f**k is “Expelliarmus”? (can I punch someone in the face, please?)
  6. Patronuses… WTF??? This is the stuff of nightmares. (I’ve already had enough nightmares from real life; I don’t want them in my books!)
  7. “Muggles” and “Mudbloods” and blah blah BLAH.(Are you fricking racist???)
  8. “This is such an epic story of good vs. evil.” Yeah, except the villains are flat: Voldemort is self-loathing, Petunia Dursley is mega jealz of her sister, and Draco is going through puberty, like all the time. (YAWN. I could crap out a better story than this.)
  9. Don’t fool yourself, Harry and Ginny do NOT make the cutest couple ever. (Oedipal complex??)
  10. Also, the School of Witchcraft and Wizardry does not seem fun, it sounds like a total bummer; everyone is always in danger of DYING. (can’t I at least get through one year without BEING IN FRICKING DANGER ALL THE TIME???)
  11. Being assigned to Slytherin for any HP-themed game is a passive-aggressive way of people telling you you f**king suck. (Well, **** you! I won’t do what you tell me!)
  12. To everyone who wishes Gryffindor existed: Isn’t categorizing everyone into four different groups just a terrible idea? (sorting is just as bad as labeling)
  13. He Who Must Not Be Named” would never happen. There’d always be some kids in an alleyway saying his name all the time just because they could. (Are you fricking kidding me???)
  14. Then there was that day your friends dragged you to watch the first part of the seventh movie because you “had to see it!” (Dude, if you drag me to this piece of **** movie, I will unfriend you!)
  15. To your surprise, or lack there of, it actually isn’t “the best movie of all time”; all the movies start to blend together and feel exactly the SAME. (Harry repeats itself ALL THE FRICKING TIME!!! Why would you want to subject yourself to that?)
  16. The “epic” final wand battle of the seventh movie feels depressingly anticlimactic. (wake me up when Harry dies)
  17. You couldn’t care less that there’s an International Quidditch Association. (Screw quidditch. Football is better.)
  18. All the news stories of the legal injunctions and blackmail attempts caused from fear of the latest book leaking is a bit too much. (and people think that fan fiction should be legal)
  19. You’ve heard your friends geek out about it one too many times. (guess what? you need to dump your friends)
  20. The tattoos, just, NO. (I’d rather do Game of Thrones)
  21. The fan fiction terrifies you. (better yet, avoid fan fiction like it’s the plague)
  22. Everyone went through a period where they tried to sound British, and it still drives you NUTS. (You’ve just offended everyone who is actually British. Go stand in a corner and rethink your life.)
  23. Also, everyone and their mother takes this photo next to the 9 ¾ cart when they’re in London. (You have officially lost me as a child. Have fun playing with your imaginary kid.)
  24. Sardine flavored jelly beans are enough to turn your apathy toward HP into complete detestation. (#1, gross, and #2, how dare you steal from Jelly Belly! I’m shocked that a lawsuit hasn’t been filed yet to stop this travesty)
  25. The abundance of HP products everywhere makes you feel like there is no escape. (Can’t we make this just go away? Like forever?)
  26. Not to mention this THEME PARK, which is really just a hub for obsessive fans. (DO. NOT. GO TO THAT. PLACE. OR. ELSE. YOU’LL. NEVER. BE ALLOWED. TO. LEAVE.)
  27. Honestly, J.K. Rowling’s success story is the most interesting part of this whole thing to you. (her dreams came true at the cost of everyone else’s sanity.)

Now you know. As for me, I’m MUGGLE AND PROUD OF IT!!