Happy New Year!

After an exciting new year of NOTHING HARRY POTTER RELATED, we now will kick off the new year by doing more things having to do with Tyler Potter, the Harry Moffer parody series, and even finding a way to do the short all-in-one story called “This Story Just Makes No Sense“.

So yes, it’ll be a new year, but will anything on this blog make any sense? I don’t think so!

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Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever book trailer

Here is the trailer for my book, Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever, which is currently available on Amazon.com:

Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever book trailer

Here’s the trailer for my Harry Potter parody “Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever“.

The summary: The story is nothing more than a full-on parody of the Harry Potter books, but this time, all references to magic are removed and replaced with nothing more than blatant realism. 14-year-old Harry Hames Moffer is an orphan living with his paranoid relatives when he is invited to attend Warthogpox High School. Harry meets Pun Teasley and Hildegarde Lamer, and they investigate the unpopular Larry Dobber books, which Honnyword could turn into a movie if they don’t act fast.

Link to book on Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/416066

How I Think Harry Potter Should Have Ended

Harry Moffer 4

Harry Moffer 4 (Photo credit: claireviolet82)

“After realizing that it was all a fantasy and that his life still sucked, he was not a legendary hero, there was no magical academy where he would have friends and fans, and his parents’ death was really just an ordinary car accident, Harry reached up one last time to find he also didn’t really have a scar.”

What just happened? Harry Potter woke up back in his room. It wasn’t really much of a room; just a bed and a chest of drawers in a group home setting. In fact, there were several more beds in the place, which were surrounded by grey walls and no windows. How did I get to this place, he wondered to himself.

Little did he realize that his uncle and aunt had secretly sent him to the home when he began talking about magic and wizards and refusing to act like a normal boy. Harry also didn’t know what a group home was; he just pretended that the home was a magical school where he had friends, he was a legendary hero, and had millions of fans. He had gone on with this fantasy…at least until someone slapped him across his face.

“What gives?” Harry cried out.

“You,” said a girl (who was not Hermione Granger) who was standing over him. “You act so crazy, they’re about five seconds from sending you to the crazy house. That’s why your relatives got rid of you; they can’t handle your crazy. Can’t you be like everyone else?”

“You mean, there is no Hogwarts?” Harry cried out.

“No,” said a boy (who was not Ron Weasley) who stood next to the girl. “There’s no such thing as Hogwarts. In fact, there’s no such thing as magic at all. Now stop being crazy and grow up.”

The children walked away and slammed the door to Harry’s room shut, leaving Harry to wallow in the filth of his shame. He couldn’t believe that the greatest adventures of his life was nothing more than a fantasy that he made up in his head. He wasn’t famous, he had no friends, he had no fans, he wasn’t a wizard, and he certainly couldn’t do magic, as there was no such thing as magic. He stared into a mirror (or what appeared to be a mirror) and discovered that he did not have a scar.

My whole life is a lie, Harry thought to himself as his dream quickly evaporated, leaving him cold and alone. No one wanted to speak to him because of his fantasies and those who did smacked him around. Harry needed to grow up immediately. Perhaps he really needed to see a doctor about his delusions.

Henry Shepherd and the Rock of Ages

via HSRA.

Henry Shepherd and the Rock of Ages is a Christian parody that mixes Harry Potter and the Da Vinci Code. Henry Shepherd is a misfit who longs to break free from his life and in doing so, he applies to Hemlock School of Sorcery in a magical world. Within a few months, Henry has an encounter with a man named Joshua, who is a Christ-like figure.

After several confrontations, Joshua sacrifices himself and saves Henry. Henry then escapes from prison and flees to an old man’s house. The old man is really Joshua, who commissions Henry to spread the story about his resurrection.

I will have my review of this story soon.

The End of the First Harry Potter Parody

English: Cast of Pacific Repertory Theatre's S...

English: Cast of Pacific Repertory Theatre’s School of Dramatic Arts production of Disney’s High School Musical Author & source: Stephen Moorer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well, after an entire month of writing what became a novella, I’ve completed the challenge with 25,278 words. It’s over now, and I’m glad. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t stop writing, because I have the sequel ready to go.

Before I go too far, here’s what the sequel is about: After a two-week suspension for causing trouble, Harry Moffer, Pun Teasley, and Hildegarde Lamer have returned to Warthogpox High School to stir up even more trouble. But this time, their fellow students have been bitten by the “High School Musical” bug and now, they can’t stop singing. Plus, there’s the Cubicle of Restricted Fruitcakes and Harry has to fight against a former Warthogpox High student. The story will aptly be titled “Harry Moffer & the Really Stupid Sequel”.

Until the next writing competition!

Harry Potter Parody, Day 22

The Barry Trotter and the Shameless Parody dus...

The Barry Trotter and the Shameless Parody dustjacket. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s the back cover of the book. Duh!

Over 500 copies sold in paperback.

Ever since the unpopular “Larry Dobber” series was published by the acknowledged copywriter J. P. Wordling in 1997, legions of enthusiasts everywhere have been clamoring for a motion picture based on the books.

But in one town in Pennsylvania, the citizens got the worst thing possible.

14-year-old Harry Moffer is by far, the lamest person to ever be born. He is no hero, as he did not survive an attack on him by any dark wizards. He doesn’t even have a cool scar on his head, either. He is nothing more than a loser who can only dream of being some sort of famous wizard, which he is not.

But when he gets an invitation to attend the famed Warthogpox High School, Harry is mistaken for the famous wizard “Larry Dobber“. He and his new-found friends Pun Teasley and Hildegarde Lamer must put an end to the country’s obsession with “Larry Dobber” before various movie studios in Honnyword get their hands on the Larry Dobber books and turn them into a world-class major film that could engulf the entire world!

That, and get their hands on the powerful Magician’s Crystal before some crazy person does.

Can our heroes succeed, or will the world be forever lost to “Dobber-mania“?

Now you know. Go read the book.

Harry Potter Spoof, Day 21

A Very Potter Sequel (soundtrack)

A Very Potter Sequel (soundtrack) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And now for a sneak peak at the sequel to “Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever“, appropriately titled “Harry Moffer & the Really Stupid Sequel

“I hope you like what you see,” the girl smirked at Harry as she stalked around him. Harry’s heart pounded in his chest as he began to wonder why the beautiful girls in the world had to be so gosh-darned cruel.

“I, uh, well,” Harry stammered as he tried to figure out what to say to her. She smiled at him in a way that made him uncomfortable, as if he was a piece of chocolate and she hadn’t had chocolate in a long time.

The girl continued walking around him as she said, “It would be a shame if people were to find out that their so-called “hero” had no balls, now would it?”

“I do have balls,” said Harry, “but if I hand myself to every girl out there who wants me, then the guys would have my head for dinner.”

“Oh, those other guys are just a bunch of fruitcakes,” said the girl. “I don’t want a fruitcake; not when I can have a man.”

“But I am not a man,” said Harry as he was blushing. “I’m only 14 years old!” Why did things like this have to be so complicated?

Just so you know, this won’t be in the sequel.

Harry Potter Spoof, Day 20

Chatterwell Stories 3

Chatterwell Stories 3 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Praise for Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever

Bursting with originality. A loser boy fighting a war against a popular children’s book has simply never been done before.”- The Richmond Messenger

About as moving as a pig eating a snake, but Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever does deliver an important message about not giving into the pop culture hype.”- Hindy Cays, author of Starfield Sunrise

A fake magic crystal would be my first choice too. This must be based on a true story, you couldn’t make this stuff up!”- The Wrong Stuff

I could do better than that pile of crap.”- Priscilla Peck

Jarey has succeeded in creating a wonderful parody from a mediocre children’s book. Go away, Potter! Moffer is the new boy wizard.”- The Daily Crap

Stupid, lame, and completely disgusting. I can’t believe I actually read this pile of crap. Please, for the love of God, don’t buy this book or rent it.”- Jacquel Rassenworth

Harry Potter Spoof, Day 17

Not done yet, but it's much better than it sta...

Not done yet, but it’s much better than it started out a day ago. (Photo credit: qnr)

Now we have reached the end of the story, which is aptly titled “Well, This Story Sucks, But At Least It’s Better Than The Alternative“.

And here, we have Pun (who has now lost his mind due to the events of the story), Harry (who still needs answers to the question of why his parents died), and Hildegarde (who still won’t stand for any nonsense). They had been suspended for causing trouble in the school, even if the school deserved it.

Professor Dibble is last seen packing his things and leaving the school; he vows to get revenge on Harry for exposing his secret life.

And so, I end the story with this very important line: “Warthogpox High School was the worst school in the city of Wyvernwing, and Harry Hames Moffer was its most infamous student.”