Worst 100 Harry Potter Spin-offs of All Time – Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

via Worst 100 Harry Potter Spin-offs of All Time – Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

From Wikipedia’s annoying little brother, Uncyclopedia, we have a list of really stupid Harry Potter-like spin-offs that you should(n’t) read. Yet, none of these offending books actually exist, so there you have it.

Anyway, enjoy the list.

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Top 10 Reasons Why Harry Potter is the real villain in the Harry Potter books

Hello, and welcome to another week of top 10 in fandom. I hoped that you enjoyed the last list, because some people in Game of Thrones need to be skewered.

Anyway, today’s topic is the reasons why Harry Potter is the real villain in the Harry Potter books. Think about that for a second. We already know that Harry is no hero (in fact, who needs a hero who can’t do ANYTHING right?), but the thought of him being a villain isn’t something that is widely explored, even in fan fiction. I mean, why can’t we have him as a villain?

Anyway, the top 10 reasons why Harry Potter is the real villain in the Harry Potter books are as follows:

10. Harry has been shown to be very cruel to people.

9. He never seemed to grow out of his role as the Boy-Who-Lived.

8. The older Harry grew, the worse he became.

7. He doesn’t seem to care if anyone is sad or hurt.

6. He doesn’t use his fame power to exact some serious (and much-needed) change.

5. Harry just sits around doing nothing while evil reins supreme.

4. Harry doesn’t reflect on anything that he does, good or bad.

3. Harry doesn’t have an ounce of empathy in his heart.

2. Harry relies solely on luck (not that that’s villainous, but still)

1. Harry Potter, for all intentions, never really learned how to love.

Well, that’s all for this list, so I suggest that you set aside Harry Potter for good, if you haven’t already. If you find yourself disagreeing with any of the above items for any reason, then let me know in the comments. See you next week for more Top 10 in Fandom!

12 Things That Still Bother Me About Harry Potter – CollegeHumor Post

via 12 Things That Still Bother Me About Harry Potter – CollegeHumor Post.

If you consider yourself a Harry Potter fan, this is was should bother you about it:

1. How come they didn’t use any muggle inventions to inform their magic inventions?: This. PLEASE!!!!

2. Why wouldn’t everyone get a magic portrait of themselves and essentially live forever? You’re kidding, OK? Why would we want to live forever?

3. Why would J.K. Rowling even include the time-turner? The time-turner was one of the most stupid plot devices that was ever invented.

4. So, was Hagrid’s dad just a pervert or what? Uhhh…I’m not even going to think about that one.

5. If Fred and George had the Marauder’s Map during the events of the Chamber of Secrets, why didn’t they use it to help figure out who was opening the chamber? That would have solved the problem (or break up the Weasley family).

6. Why would Hogwarts have students ride to the castle on animals they could only see if they’d seen death?: This bothers me because haven’t we all seen death before? (plus, it segregates against orphans and we don’t need that.)

7. Why does Malfoy try to befriend Harry when they first meet?: Because Harry needed a better friend than Ron and Hermione. Plus, Harry could have turned the Malfoy family good or something like that.

8. Why aren’t they more careful what they teach Slytherin kids? Because people thought that the Slytherins were the “Evil” house. (which is hurtful and unnecessary. No wonder why kids in Slytherin turn out to be evil)

9. Why would Harry think he could get away with opening a letter in front of the Dursleys?: Because he’s stupid, that’s why!

10. Why was Moaning Myrtle played by a 37 year-old? Did they NOT want to hire someone in their late teens/early 20s to play her? To me, that just comes off as disgusting and disturbing.

11. The Ron/Hermione kiss was the lamest kiss ever.: Bella/Edward was so much better. (I will NOT apologize for that!)

12. And, finally, the most bothersome thing in the entire movie series: the actress they get to play the young version of Harry’s mom doesn’t have eyes that look anything like his.: Nice going, Hollywood! Now we’re all fricking confused!

If you’re just as confused about this as I am, then please leave your comments in the comments section. We must save this story!

27 Things People Who Didn’t Like “Harry Potter” Are Tired Of Hearing

via 27 Things People Who Didn’t Like “Harry Potter” Are Tired Of Hearing

Hate Harry Potter? Tired of being mocked for hating him? Read this list and make your critics weep:

  1. When you say you don’t like Harry Potter, people automatically assume you have no imagination. (Guess what: I hate Harry Potter. DEAL WITH IT, YOU TWAT!!)
  2. Or, better yet, they think you’re illiterate. “Have you even read the book???” (No, I haven’t read the book , and I don’t plan to. Get off my back about it!)
  3. There is always talk of a new book or new movie or new Harry Potter SOMETHING, so if you aren’t excited about it, you’re a social pariah. (I have better things to do than to obsess over a fictional character.)
  4. No, you don’t get it. Actually, you feel no connection to this world because unlike them, you can’t solve all your inconveniences with magic. (FYI, you can’t solve the world problems with magic! Duh!)
  5. And spell names? Yeah, what the f**k is “Expelliarmus”? (can I punch someone in the face, please?)
  6. Patronuses… WTF??? This is the stuff of nightmares. (I’ve already had enough nightmares from real life; I don’t want them in my books!)
  7. “Muggles” and “Mudbloods” and blah blah BLAH.(Are you fricking racist???)
  8. “This is such an epic story of good vs. evil.” Yeah, except the villains are flat: Voldemort is self-loathing, Petunia Dursley is mega jealz of her sister, and Draco is going through puberty, like all the time. (YAWN. I could crap out a better story than this.)
  9. Don’t fool yourself, Harry and Ginny do NOT make the cutest couple ever. (Oedipal complex??)
  10. Also, the School of Witchcraft and Wizardry does not seem fun, it sounds like a total bummer; everyone is always in danger of DYING. (can’t I at least get through one year without BEING IN FRICKING DANGER ALL THE TIME???)
  11. Being assigned to Slytherin for any HP-themed game is a passive-aggressive way of people telling you you f**king suck. (Well, **** you! I won’t do what you tell me!)
  12. To everyone who wishes Gryffindor existed: Isn’t categorizing everyone into four different groups just a terrible idea? (sorting is just as bad as labeling)
  13. He Who Must Not Be Named” would never happen. There’d always be some kids in an alleyway saying his name all the time just because they could. (Are you fricking kidding me???)
  14. Then there was that day your friends dragged you to watch the first part of the seventh movie because you “had to see it!” (Dude, if you drag me to this piece of **** movie, I will unfriend you!)
  15. To your surprise, or lack there of, it actually isn’t “the best movie of all time”; all the movies start to blend together and feel exactly the SAME. (Harry repeats itself ALL THE FRICKING TIME!!! Why would you want to subject yourself to that?)
  16. The “epic” final wand battle of the seventh movie feels depressingly anticlimactic. (wake me up when Harry dies)
  17. You couldn’t care less that there’s an International Quidditch Association. (Screw quidditch. Football is better.)
  18. All the news stories of the legal injunctions and blackmail attempts caused from fear of the latest book leaking is a bit too much. (and people think that fan fiction should be legal)
  19. You’ve heard your friends geek out about it one too many times. (guess what? you need to dump your friends)
  20. The tattoos, just, NO. (I’d rather do Game of Thrones)
  21. The fan fiction terrifies you. (better yet, avoid fan fiction like it’s the plague)
  22. Everyone went through a period where they tried to sound British, and it still drives you NUTS. (You’ve just offended everyone who is actually British. Go stand in a corner and rethink your life.)
  23. Also, everyone and their mother takes this photo next to the 9 ¾ cart when they’re in London. (You have officially lost me as a child. Have fun playing with your imaginary kid.)
  24. Sardine flavored jelly beans are enough to turn your apathy toward HP into complete detestation. (#1, gross, and #2, how dare you steal from Jelly Belly! I’m shocked that a lawsuit hasn’t been filed yet to stop this travesty)
  25. The abundance of HP products everywhere makes you feel like there is no escape. (Can’t we make this just go away? Like forever?)
  26. Not to mention this THEME PARK, which is really just a hub for obsessive fans. (DO. NOT. GO TO THAT. PLACE. OR. ELSE. YOU’LL. NEVER. BE ALLOWED. TO. LEAVE.)
  27. Honestly, J.K. Rowling’s success story is the most interesting part of this whole thing to you. (her dreams came true at the cost of everyone else’s sanity.)

Now you know. As for me, I’m MUGGLE AND PROUD OF IT!!

Top 10 Villians who are better than Lord Voldemort

Hello, and welcome to another week of top 10 in fandom. I hoped that you enjoyed the last list, because nothing is better than a good old-fashioned plot twist.

Anyway, this week’s topic is the top 10 villains who are better than Lord Voldemort. I mean, let’s face it: Voldemort is just a noseless freak who makes today’s story book villains look really stupid. I mean, why would you want to be afraid of a wizard who kills himself due to some weak boy wizard’s ineptitude and inability to actually stop him?

OK, enough with the ranting. The villains who are better than Lord Voldemort are as follows:

10. The Joker (from the Batman movies): because nothing is scarier than a man who doesn’t have a plan. Also, why so serious?

9. Loki (from Thor) I mean, Loki would very much take down Voldemort in a fight. plus, remember the Avengers movie?

8. The Volturi (from The Twilight Saga): it’s pretty much safe to say that these guys are the main villains. I mean, they do show up and confront the Cullens on a number of occasions.

7. King Galbatorix (from the Inheritance Cycle): is there anyone worse than a king who wants to take over EVERYTHING, including controlling the dragon riders?

6. Megatron (from Transformers): he’s altogether terrifying and cruel and wants to take over the world.

5. Agent Smith (from the Matrix movies): Nuff said.

4. Valentine Morgenstern (from the Mortal Instruments): his schemes are 10x more terrifying than Lord Voldemort’s nonsense.

3. Kronos (from the Percy Jackson series): a Titan as a villain is terrifying indeed.

2. Darth Vader (from Star Wars): Believe it, he just HAD to be on this list.

1. Sauron (from The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings): this villain rules them all. Plus, he made that stupid ring.

Well, that’s all for this list. If you find yourself disagreeing with any of the above items for any reason, then let me know in the comments. See you next week for more Top 10 in Fandom!