27 Things People Who Didn’t Like “Harry Potter” Are Tired Of Hearing

via 27 Things People Who Didn’t Like “Harry Potter” Are Tired Of Hearing

Hate Harry Potter? Tired of being mocked for hating him? Read this list and make your critics weep:

  1. When you say you don’t like Harry Potter, people automatically assume you have no imagination. (Guess what: I hate Harry Potter. DEAL WITH IT, YOU TWAT!!)
  2. Or, better yet, they think you’re illiterate. “Have you even read the book???” (No, I haven’t read the book , and I don’t plan to. Get off my back about it!)
  3. There is always talk of a new book or new movie or new Harry Potter SOMETHING, so if you aren’t excited about it, you’re a social pariah. (I have better things to do than to obsess over a fictional character.)
  4. No, you don’t get it. Actually, you feel no connection to this world because unlike them, you can’t solve all your inconveniences with magic. (FYI, you can’t solve the world problems with magic! Duh!)
  5. And spell names? Yeah, what the f**k is “Expelliarmus”? (can I punch someone in the face, please?)
  6. Patronuses… WTF??? This is the stuff of nightmares. (I’ve already had enough nightmares from real life; I don’t want them in my books!)
  7. “Muggles” and “Mudbloods” and blah blah BLAH.(Are you fricking racist???)
  8. “This is such an epic story of good vs. evil.” Yeah, except the villains are flat: Voldemort is self-loathing, Petunia Dursley is mega jealz of her sister, and Draco is going through puberty, like all the time. (YAWN. I could crap out a better story than this.)
  9. Don’t fool yourself, Harry and Ginny do NOT make the cutest couple ever. (Oedipal complex??)
  10. Also, the School of Witchcraft and Wizardry does not seem fun, it sounds like a total bummer; everyone is always in danger of DYING. (can’t I at least get through one year without BEING IN FRICKING DANGER ALL THE TIME???)
  11. Being assigned to Slytherin for any HP-themed game is a passive-aggressive way of people telling you you f**king suck. (Well, **** you! I won’t do what you tell me!)
  12. To everyone who wishes Gryffindor existed: Isn’t categorizing everyone into four different groups just a terrible idea? (sorting is just as bad as labeling)
  13. He Who Must Not Be Named” would never happen. There’d always be some kids in an alleyway saying his name all the time just because they could. (Are you fricking kidding me???)
  14. Then there was that day your friends dragged you to watch the first part of the seventh movie because you “had to see it!” (Dude, if you drag me to this piece of **** movie, I will unfriend you!)
  15. To your surprise, or lack there of, it actually isn’t “the best movie of all time”; all the movies start to blend together and feel exactly the SAME. (Harry repeats itself ALL THE FRICKING TIME!!! Why would you want to subject yourself to that?)
  16. The “epic” final wand battle of the seventh movie feels depressingly anticlimactic. (wake me up when Harry dies)
  17. You couldn’t care less that there’s an International Quidditch Association. (Screw quidditch. Football is better.)
  18. All the news stories of the legal injunctions and blackmail attempts caused from fear of the latest book leaking is a bit too much. (and people think that fan fiction should be legal)
  19. You’ve heard your friends geek out about it one too many times. (guess what? you need to dump your friends)
  20. The tattoos, just, NO. (I’d rather do Game of Thrones)
  21. The fan fiction terrifies you. (better yet, avoid fan fiction like it’s the plague)
  22. Everyone went through a period where they tried to sound British, and it still drives you NUTS. (You’ve just offended everyone who is actually British. Go stand in a corner and rethink your life.)
  23. Also, everyone and their mother takes this photo next to the 9 ¾ cart when they’re in London. (You have officially lost me as a child. Have fun playing with your imaginary kid.)
  24. Sardine flavored jelly beans are enough to turn your apathy toward HP into complete detestation. (#1, gross, and #2, how dare you steal from Jelly Belly! I’m shocked that a lawsuit hasn’t been filed yet to stop this travesty)
  25. The abundance of HP products everywhere makes you feel like there is no escape. (Can’t we make this just go away? Like forever?)
  26. Not to mention this THEME PARK, which is really just a hub for obsessive fans. (DO. NOT. GO TO THAT. PLACE. OR. ELSE. YOU’LL. NEVER. BE ALLOWED. TO. LEAVE.)
  27. Honestly, J.K. Rowling’s success story is the most interesting part of this whole thing to you. (her dreams came true at the cost of everyone else’s sanity.)

Now you know. As for me, I’m MUGGLE AND PROUD OF IT!!

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Top 10 Villians who are better than Lord Voldemort

Hello, and welcome to another week of top 10 in fandom. I hoped that you enjoyed the last list, because nothing is better than a good old-fashioned plot twist.

Anyway, this week’s topic is the top 10 villains who are better than Lord Voldemort. I mean, let’s face it: Voldemort is just a noseless freak who makes today’s story book villains look really stupid. I mean, why would you want to be afraid of a wizard who kills himself due to some weak boy wizard’s ineptitude and inability to actually stop him?

OK, enough with the ranting. The villains who are better than Lord Voldemort are as follows:

10. The Joker (from the Batman movies): because nothing is scarier than a man who doesn’t have a plan. Also, why so serious?

9. Loki (from Thor) I mean, Loki would very much take down Voldemort in a fight. plus, remember the Avengers movie?

8. The Volturi (from The Twilight Saga): it’s pretty much safe to say that these guys are the main villains. I mean, they do show up and confront the Cullens on a number of occasions.

7. King Galbatorix (from the Inheritance Cycle): is there anyone worse than a king who wants to take over EVERYTHING, including controlling the dragon riders?

6. Megatron (from Transformers): he’s altogether terrifying and cruel and wants to take over the world.

5. Agent Smith (from the Matrix movies): Nuff said.

4. Valentine Morgenstern (from the Mortal Instruments): his schemes are 10x more terrifying than Lord Voldemort’s nonsense.

3. Kronos (from the Percy Jackson series): a Titan as a villain is terrifying indeed.

2. Darth Vader (from Star Wars): Believe it, he just HAD to be on this list.

1. Sauron (from The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings): this villain rules them all. Plus, he made that stupid ring.

Well, that’s all for this list. If you find yourself disagreeing with any of the above items for any reason, then let me know in the comments. See you next week for more Top 10 in Fandom!

Top 10 Reasons Why Percy Jackson is Better than Harry Potter

Hello, and welcome to another week of top 10 in fandom. I hoped that you enjoyed the last list, because there are some people in this world who are a lot scarier that Lord Voldemort.

Anyway, this week’s topic is the top 10 reasons why Percy Jackson is better than Harry Potter. As we all know, harry potter is a wizard and Percy Jackson is a demigod. Now pit these two against each other and we’re talking a fantasy showdown that won’t soon be forgotten.

Anyway, the top 10 reasons why Percy Jackson is better than Harry Potter are as follows:

10. Percy has a pen that becomes a sword (and he never loses it), but all Harry has is a wooden wand.

9. While Hogwarts may be great, who wouldn’t want to go to Camp Half-Blood?

8. Voldemort is just a messed-up wizard, but Kronos is a huge threat to the entire world.

7. Percy Jackson & the Olympians was hugely inspired by Greek mythology. Not so much with Harry Potter.

6. If there was an underwater fight, Percy would win for sure.

5. In fact, Percy can pretty much hold his own during a fight. I mean, he’s beaten Medusa, a Hydra, and he even squeezed past Luke and retrieved the lightning bolt. What did Harry do, besides maybe yelling “Expeliarmus” a whole bunch of times?

4. You seriously thought that Percy Jackson ripped off Harry Potter?

3. Grover and Annabeth are more loyal to Percy than Ron and Hermione are to Harry.

2. Percy’s story is a bit more exciting than Harry’s boring story.

1. At the end of the day, demigods rule and wizards drool.

Well, that’s all for this list, so I suggest that you set aside Harry Potter and start reading Percy Jackson. If you find yourself disagreeing with any of the above items for any reason, then let me know in the comments. See you next week for more Top 10 in Fandom!

15 Ways to Annoy Your Friends Who Love Harry Potter

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Published by michael biegner on Scribd

-1- Call Professor Dumbledor “Professor Dum Dum”

-2- Suggest that in a duel. Samantha Stevens from “Bewitched” would kick Harry’s ass.

-3- Confuse the Lord of the Rings Trilogy details with those of the Harry Potter series of books repeatedly by saying things like: “Remember when Gandalf and Voldemort were fighting and the Orcs took over the Hogwartz School of Wizardry in the Town of Rivendale?”

-4- Wonder out loud to your friends if Harry Potter was not in fact the secret love child of Colonel Sherman Potter and Hot Lips Houlihan from the TV series M. A. S. H.

-5- Suggest to your friends that Harry should consider a line of Prada eyewear instead of those horrid horrid round glasses.

-6- Tell your friends that if Weezie Jefferson married Ron Weasly her name would have been “Weezie Weasly“.

-7- Inform your friends that “muggles” are what Fraggles drink beer from.

-8- Whenever speaking about Harry, refer to him as “Mr. Pot-Tare” the way Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington did in the TV Series “Welcome Back Kotter

-9- Suggest that Andi McDowell would have made a better Voldemort than Ray Fiennes.

-10- Refer to the author, J K Rowling as “J J Walker” and tell people you think she is “Dyno-Mite!

-11- Repeat every 15 minutes to your friends that “Hermione rhymes with ‘hiney‘.”

-12- Insist to your friends that you saw the actor who plays Professor Dumbldore on a TV infomercial for Viagra, talking about his “limp wand” problem.

-13- Tell your friends that Quiddich is not a real sport, like golf, NASCAR, horse racing, bowling and poker.

-14- Wonder out loud to your friends where Harry takes his invisibility cloak to be dry cleaned.

-15- Order the last Harry Potter book UPS ground and then when it finally DOES arrive, read only a few pages per day.

56 Books to Read if You Love Harry Potter

56 Books to Read if You Love Harry Potter.

Basically, this post is for all of you who love Harry Potter and need something else to read. Here’s my opinion of the lists of books:

  1. Percy Jackson Series by Rick Riordan: Completed books 1 and 2. Currently reading book 3.
  2. Artemis Fowl Series by Eoin Colfer: Completed books 1-7. Have yet to read book 8.
  3. Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer: Completed all four books, including the novella The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner.
  4. Septimus Heap Series by Angie Sage: Haven’t read the books yet.
  5. Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins: Haven’t read the books yet.
  6. His Dark Materials Trilogy by Philip Pullman: Completed all three books.
  7. The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis: Completed all seven books
  8. The Spiderwick Chronicles by Tony Diterlizzi and Holly Black: Haven’t read the books yet.
  9. The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini: Completed all four books.

Well, maybe I should review one of these book series this summer then.

Top 5: Pre- Harry Potter Reads

This list is for those of you who think that the Harry Potter books are too intense for your children, or if you don’t want your children to read the books.

Rarest Kind of Best

As I wrote yesterday, Harry Potter books (and movies) can be pretty scary and intense for younger children. If your child is intrigued by magic and fantasy, but you’re not certain she or he is quite ready for Hogwarts, here are a few fantasy titles they may be more comfortable with.

(Click on the titles to see full reviews.)


Top 5: Beginner Fantasy Chapter Books

 

1. The Cuckoo Clock by Mrs. Molesworth – age 5+

A very sedate and old-fashioned (1877) story about a girl who visits some magical places and learns to behave herself a little better.

2. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum – age 5+

Quite different from the movie – a rambling, weird tale with a few scares and dustups along the way. (NB. some violence: see full review.)

3. Half Magic by Edward Eager – age 5+

One of…

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PROUD OF HARRY POTTER? COULD YOU IMAGINE WHAT IF…

link: PROUD OF HARRY POTTER? COULD YOU IMAGINE WHAT IF…

Well, here’s my response to the questions:
  1. Harry would still be living under the stairs at the Dursley house.
  2. Harry still would have been screwed over.
  3. Voldemort wouldn’t have attacked the Potters.
  4. He would have been a happier man.
  5. Voldemort never would have attacked the Potters.
  6. Voldemort would have had a family.
  7. Voldemort never would have been evil.
  8. He would have been tortured and killed.
  9. Harry never would have married Ginny; he would probably date someone else.
  10. Ron would have been happy; plus, he wouldn’t feel so inadequate and have some much-needed self-confidence.
  11. She would have written something else and still have gotten the same results.
  12. It would have been better if I had never heard of Harry Potter, to be honest.

Well, that’s all I have for now. More will come.

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What if Harry never got his Hogwarts letter?

What if Lily chose Snape over James?

What if the prophecy was never overheard?

What if Snape didn’t love Lily?

What if Wormtail never told Voldemort Lily and James Potter’s secret?

What if Tom Riddle Sr fell in love with Merope Gaunt?

What if Voldemort had known love?

What if Pettigrew had been captured?

What if Ginny had died in the Chamber of Secrets?

What if Scabbers turned yellow?

What if JK Rowling never wrote Harry Potter?

Would your life be the same?

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10 Ways How Harry Potter’s Life Is Really Difficult | Army Of Awesome People

via 10 Ways How Harry Potter’s Life Is Really Difficult | Army Of Awesome People.

I have already covered the downside of being Spider-Man and Superman, but they are not the only superheroes whose lives aren’t as glamorous as they might seem. Though Harry Potter isn’t exactly a superhero, he still possesses magical powers few of us have, and he has two main requirements for being a superhero: a cape and parents who died in a freak accident. But even with his magical abilities his life is really difficult. Here are just a few examples: to continue, please click here.

This list is hilarious, but it is also true. Nuff said.

Seven Reasons Why Hermione Should Have Been the Main Character in the Harry Potter Books

hermione granger

hermione granger (Photo credit: karly ilustraciones)

Today, we will be looking at the character Hermione Granger and why she was never the main character in the Harry Potter books. For many years, she was seen simply as the friend of Harry Potter who was a girl. To me, I think that it’s rather pathetic that Hermione was seen this way and I fully resolve to make sure that the real Hermione Granger steps forward.

7. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she wouldn’t be friends with Harry Potter or Ron Weasley. Case in point: Hermione glanced all around her and saw two boys sitting in a booth. One had red hair and the other had dark hair and wore glasses. She frowned as she stared at the two boy and thought to herself there’s no way I’m hanging out with those two! They look like complete losers! She shook her head and went to the next booth. Perhaps the people in the other car would help her track down Neville’s lost toad.

6. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she wouldn’t be in Gryffindor. In fact, she’d be in Ravenclaw. Case in point: Hermione took her seat as the Sorting Hat was placed on her head. Within a few seconds, it shouted out the word “RAVENCLAW“. The Ravenclaws applauded as she took her place among them. (Also, why would JKR place a smart girl like Hermione in the lamest house in Hogwarts?)

5. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she wouldn’t be on the Quidditch team. THAT would cut into her homework time.

4. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she wouldn’t be so involved with her friends that she cuts off her parents, or even modify her parents’ memories to make them forget that they even had a daughter in the first place. She would at least write to her parents once a month to inform them of her progress at Hogwarts.

3. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she wouldn’t be so concerned about her looks or if the other students would want her around. She has better things to do than to worry about superficial things. Also, she wouldn’t be hanging out with such book dumb people as Harry and Ron. Her friends would be just as smart as she is.

2. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she would be the smartest student in the school. But her adventures in Hogwarts will most likely be the subversion of the trope “Intelligence Equals Isolation”. I mean, she’s got to have *SOME* friends, just not Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.

1. If Hermione was the main character in the story, she would have already figured out that Quirrell was going to steal the sorcerer’s stone, found out that Ginny Weasley had opened the Chamber of Secrets, told the truth about Sirius Black, realized that the Twiwizard Tournament was rigged, THOUGHT before chasing after Sirius, stood up to Umbridge, and realized that Dumbledore was a manipulating, lying traitor who wanted to take over the world.

So there you have it. Unless JKR is willing to rewrite the series in Hermione’s POV and make her the main character, I’m never touching the Harry Potter books again.

25 Ways to Piss Off a Harry Potter Fan

Harry Potter

Harry Potter (Photo credit: ACPL)

If you have a friend who likes Harry Potter so much that it annoys you to no end, here’s a way to get those fans off your back for good: 

  1. Make a bonfire, throw their books in, and say “It’s Magic!” 
  2. Tell them the Weasley’s are gingers.
  3. Say that Harry belongs with Hermoine, rather than her screwing Ron.
  4. Constantly tell them that Edward Cullen is hotter than Harry. 
  5. Argue that Stephanie Meyer could beat J.K. Rowling in a drag race. 
  6. Tell them that James from Twilight could eat Voldemort. Literally. 
  7. Repetitively ask if Harry likes playing with magic sticks, if you know what I mean.
  8. Remind them Daniel Radcliffe was in a play where he was naked and fantasized about horses. 
  9. Run around riding a tree branch, shouting “I’M HARRY POTTER!” 
  10. Talk with a horrible British accent and claim you go to Hogwarts. 
  11. Remind them Dumbledore is gay. 
  12. Exclaim “Well, Harry doesn’t sparkle in the sunlight!”
  13. Tell them Bella is much prettier than Ginny.
  14. Insist that Snape uses Loreal to condition his hair.
  15. When seeing a poster or picture with Harry on it, scream “THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!”
  16. Pronounce the actor’s names wrong.
  17. Ask who Harry Potter is.
  18. Tell them Dumbledore hides a rabbit under his hat.
  19. Pronounce the character’s names wrong.
  20. Suggest that Harry should look into a pair of D&G glasses rather than his silly round ones.
  21. Ask if Voldemort got plastic surgery on his nose.
  22. Say Harry should try out Mederma
  23. Ask “If Harry’s scar hurts so bad, then why doesn’t he just take Tylenol?!”
  24. Tell them “Why so Sirius — Black?”
  25. Ask them if they do know what Harry means and claim J.K. Rowling is perverted.

WARNING: I’m not responsible for anyone getting beaten up by pissed off Harry Potter fans because they did this list.

Link: http://cinemaroll.com/fantasy/25-ways-to-piss-off-a-harry-potter-fan/#ixzz1BhRTENLM

I’ll have more real soon!Related articles

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