Never Thought We Would See This Happen…

Well, it’s happening today.

If you remember the bad fanfiction that was the Harry Potter epilogue, it has been 19 years since the Voldemort Wars ended.

Meaning, it’s officially 19 years later; on that day, a young boy was sent to Hogwarts by his parents, and reading that part in Harry Potter & the Deathly Hollows was AWKWARD for everyone!

But that’s not what this blog post is about.

In fact, I must say that today is the day when we finally see the dreaded Harry Potter epilogue come to life. As in, Harry’s poorly-named second son is on his way to Hogwarts.

I don’t believe it.

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Ring the Bells, Bang the Drums! It’s that time again!

Harry Botter

Harry Botter (Photo credit: Jenn and Tony Bot)

Now that I have your attention, I’m happy to report that this is the four-year anniversary of this blog. And since we’re on that topic, I’m happy to say that the story “This Story Makes No Sense” will be starting back up again, but instead of a Harry Potter parody, I’m taking this story in the opposite direction.

After a summer filled with alternative fan fiction and blog posts that contained people complaining about how the Harry Potter books ruined their lives, we’re getting back into the swing of things by having the bloggers talk about how their lives were influenced by Harry Potter and what they could have done differently if someone handed them the Harry Potter books. I know that there are scores of people out there who have never heard of Harry Potter and we need to keep it that way. The Harry Potter phenomenon has outstayed its welcome and it’s time for the franchise to die so that other franchises can take its place.

With that, we go into another new era, where Harry Potter (and his fans) will be dragged through the mud and bashed while poking fun at them. Here we go!

Harry Potter Ruined My Life

Whoa, that’s pretty harsh what you went through. I’m just glad that that never happened to me.

Also, I wasn’t a Potterhead in high school, and neither of my friends read the books. (To be honest, nobody in my high school was too big on Harry Potter to begin with.)

Anyway, good essay.

Orange Juice and Toothpaste

When I was eight, I was really good friends with the school librarian. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I was that kid. I had just started wearing glasses; I had also recently quit soccer and, as a result, I was growing a nice little pot belly; and, though this was the age everyone was supposed to like everyone, I was annoying as fuck. Sure, I had my friends, but I was a bossy bitch. (Haha“was.”) So the librarian and I? Best friends.

It had its benefits, though. Sometimes I would ask to go to the bathroom and just visit her instead, and I wouldn’t get into trouble. Because, I mean, hey, who’s gonna punish a kid for wanting to sneak away to the library? I also got first pick of all the new arrivals. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets had just been published, and…

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Jeff Starr’s Harry Potter and the Veil of Death

via Jeff Starr’s Harry Potter and the Veil of Death.

I have read this story years BEFORE the boringly unrealistic “Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallowswas even thought of. In this more realistic fan fiction retelling, Harry and his friends fight Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters while Harry deals with his past and other issues.

Also, the story treats the so-called “Deathly Hallows” with more respect than the original book does.

On another note, there are several characters who die, and their deaths are treated with respect, not relegated to a few lines and Harry isn’t mourning for them.

Plus, the epilogue, while painfully predictable, is much better than the pile of sludge that J.K. Rowling gave to us.

So, in the words of advertisements everywhere, don’t read “Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows“; read this story instead. You’ll have a better time if you do.

I’ll be giving out a review of this story soon.

How to end the Harry Potter series

English: Created by modifying this image Itali...

English: Created by modifying this image Italiano: Creata modificando quest’immagine (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Starting today, I am going to begin a 100 blog post segment on this blog, where I find out alternative endings to the Harry Potter books and list them. Nothing will be held back. I will be profiling the fanfics that have the alternative endings and the writers who came up with the ideas.

Plus, I’ll be writing my own endings to the story as well.

Now you know.

So, what’s next?

harry moffer 1

harry moffer 1 (Photo credit: claireviolet82)

Well, I know you’re all thinking what we’re going to be doing now that 2012 has come and gone. Since we’ve absolutely gotten over Harry Potter, here’s some of the things we’re working on for this year:

  • Finishing “This Story Makes No Sense”
  • Starting the Harry Moffer parody series
  • Writing at least one Harry Potter ripoff
  • Beginning the story “The Anti-Potter Fantasy Club”
  • Writing the ending to Away In England
  • Writing the ending to Bad Harry Potter Fan Fiction Stories
  • Fake parodies of Harry Potter
  • Rewriting the ending to Harry Potter

This list is only temporary, as there might be more ideas that we can be doing on this blog. We’ll be back with more.

The Story That Made No Sense to be Renamed as “This Story Makes No Sense”

I’m deciding to give “The Story That Made No Sense” a second chance to actually…make NO sense!

How will I do that?

Well, I’m renaming the whole thing as “This Story Makes No Sense“, and taking the entire 7-part series and turning it into one big story, an epilogue, of course! It’s going to satirize the entire Harry Potter series and the fan fiction that was spawned from that. Plus, I’m going to do a Harry Potter rip-off separately from this story, and I’d like to get everything sorted out so that this fic and the rip-off are separate.

So, let’s prepare for the satire to begin!

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction that makes fun of characters from the Harry Potter world, which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. I do not claim any ownership over the characters or the world of Harry Potter, as everything Harry Potter related belongs to J. K. Rowling and why would I want to claim something like that?

Author’s note, or how this got started: When I was busy reading Harry Potter fan fiction, I sometimes wondered to myself what if there never was a Harry Potter? Sure, it’s already been done before, but don’t you think what if there never was a Harry Potter? If someone else were the Boy-Who-Lived, then who would it be? When Harry makes a wish to never be Harry Potter, he unknowingly messes up the world. There is now Tyler Trobber, and he must do what Harry did So sit back and relax, and read the story that made no sense!

Harry Potter & the Methods of Rationality

Harry Potter & the Methods of Rationality movi...

Harry Potter & the Methods of Rationality movie poster (Photo credit: claireviolet82)

This blog post talks about the most talked-about fan fiction that’s circulating the internet: Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality!

So, what is Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality? Well, it’s a fan fiction written by Eliezer Yudkowsky / Less Wrong on FanFiction.Net.

What is this story about, you ask? Here’s the answer:

Suppose that Petunia Evans does NOT marry Vernon Dursley; instead she marries a biochemist named Michael Verres. James and Lily die (just like in every alternative reality) and Harry ends up being adopted by Petunia and Verres. He grows up learning about science and reading science fiction. By the time his Hogwarts letter arrives, Harry is a genius and he sets off attempting to apply the methods of rationality to a world that has never heard of science.

Well, that’s that.

The story plays out like a serial fiction, with Harry attempting to apply science to a magical world. If you want to read it, be forewarned, for this story nitpicks at the original Harry Potter story and it also destroys everything that you thought you knew about Harry Potter.

Or as the writer says: This fic is widely considered to have really hit its stride starting at around Chapter 5. If you still don’t like it after Chapter 10, give up.

So, what’s different about Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality? Harry sees Draco Malfoy as a person and not an enemy. he also sees Ron as dull and uninteresting and so, they don’t become friends. Harry calls Snape out on his bull during potions class. (And that’s just the beginning of the story!)

This is one of the most popular fan fiction stories about Harry Potter out there and I highly suggest that you read this story immediately.

Plus, rational Harry is so much better that Rowling Harry.

Links:
The Story: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5782108/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Methods-of-Rationality
The Website: http://hpmor.com/

The Alternative Harry Potter Story the 1990’s Generation Should Have Read

Cover of "The Wizard"

Cover of The Wizard

If you wanted to know what story the world could have been reading IF Harry Potter had never been published or it was rejected by the general public, then look no further than here.

Here is a short list of what the story looks like:

Emerald Magic; also known as the Harry Potter story of the 1990s

Written in 1987
Published in 1989
Titled “Emerald Magic”

Five books published in total
Published 1990-1995
part of a series titled “Legend of the Wizard

Written by Cameron Quigley

Book titles: Emerald Magic, Crystal Gold, Mystic Infinity, Stony Seas, and Eternal Realm

Centers on a 12-year-old boy named Caleb Ketterbridge
Has Asperger’s, family keeps him isolated, he has no friends
During a stormy night, his parents are slain and Caleb is kidnapped
Caleb ends up at Castlehead Academy of Magic outside of Bavaria

Caleb finds out that his parents aren’t his real parents; his true parents are fairies
He makes new friends and begins his education

A mystery surrounding his birth surfaces
Caleb sets off to solve the mystery and find his parents
An evil wizard plots to kidnap Caleb and use him for his own gains
Caleb is rumored to be a powerful fairy who could save the fairy kingdom from doom
Caleb must decide to use his new-found powers for good or evil

“The Emerald Magic” becomes a bestseller and it produced four sequels
It also became a hit movie in 1998, which is now a cult classic

Well, as soon as I have the story put together, I’ll post it here.

A New Era

Harry Potter 2011 Blu Ray Years 1-8 Box Set Cover

Harry Potter 2011 Blu Ray Years 1-8 Box Set Cover (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is the beginning of a new era, and this new era will be glorious, because we will never again have to hear the words “OMG THE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE IS COMING OUT IN SEVEN MONTHS!!!

We here at The Blog That Made No Sense are happy to announce that this is the year 2012, and this year, there is no more Harry Potter for us to deal with at all. In fact, we now have Tyler Potter to deal with as we focus on building his unusual world from beginning to end.

This year, we are turning off the Harry Potter and turning on the other fan fiction that we think is better than Harry Potter and all that it implies. Hopefully, there will be less Harry and more original fantasy.