Now that I have your attention, I’m happy to report that this is the four-year anniversary of this blog. And since we’re on that topic, I’m happy to say that the story “This Story Makes No Sense” will be starting back up again, but instead of a Harry Potter parody, I’m taking this story in the opposite direction.
After a summer filled with alternative fan fiction and blog posts that contained people complaining about how the Harry Potter books ruined their lives, we’re getting back into the swing of things by having the bloggers talk about how their lives were influenced by Harry Potter and what they could have done differently if someone handed them the Harry Potter books. I know that there are scores of people out there who have never heard of Harry Potter and we need to keep it that way. The Harry Potter phenomenon has outstayed its welcome and it’s time for the franchise to die so that other franchises can take its place.
With that, we go into another new era, where Harry Potter (and his fans) will be dragged through the mud and bashed while poking fun at them. Here we go!
When I was eight, I was really good friends with the school librarian. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I was that kid. I had just started wearing glasses; I had also recently quit soccer and, as a result, I was growing a nice little pot belly; and, though this was the age everyone was supposed to like everyone, I was annoying as fuck. Sure, I had my friends, but I was a bossy bitch. (Haha—“was.”) So the librarian and I? Best friends.
It had its benefits, though. Sometimes I would ask to go to the bathroom and just visit her instead, and I wouldn’t get into trouble. Because, I mean, hey, who’s gonna punish a kid for wanting to sneak away to the library? I also got first pick of all the new arrivals. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets had just been published, and…
English: Created by modifying this image Italiano: Creata modificando quest’immagine (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Starting today, I am going to begin a 100 blog post segment on this blog, where I find out alternative endings to the Harry Potter books and list them. Nothing will be held back. I will be profiling the fanfics that have the alternative endings and the writers who came up with the ideas.
Plus, I’ll be writing my own endings to the story as well.
Well, I know you’re all thinking what we’re going to be doing now that 2012 has come and gone. Since we’ve absolutely gotten over Harry Potter, here’s some of the things we’re working on for this year:
I’m deciding to give “The Story That Made No Sense” a second chance to actually…make NO sense!
How will I do that?
Well, I’m renaming the whole thing as “This Story Makes No Sense“, and taking the entire 7-part series and turning it into one big story, an epilogue, of course! It’s going to satirize the entire Harry Potter series and the fan fiction that was spawned from that. Plus, I’m going to do a Harry Potter rip-off separately from this story, and I’d like to get everything sorted out so that this fic and the rip-off are separate.
So, let’s prepare for the satire to begin!
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction that makes fun of characters from the Harry Potter world, which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. I do not claim any ownership over the characters or the world of Harry Potter, as everything Harry Potter related belongs to J. K. Rowling and why would I want to claim something like that?
Author’s note, or how this got started: When I was busy reading Harry Potter fan fiction, I sometimes wondered to myself what if there never was a Harry Potter? Sure, it’s already been done before, but don’t you think what if there never was a Harry Potter? If someone else were the Boy-Who-Lived, then who would it be? When Harry makes a wish to never be Harry Potter, he unknowingly messes up the world. There is now Tyler Trobber, and he must do what Harry did So sit back and relax, and read the story that made no sense!
Harry Potter & the Methods of Rationality movie poster (Photo credit: claireviolet82)
This blog post talks about the most talked-about fan fiction that’s circulating the internet: Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality!
So, what is Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality? Well, it’s a fan fiction written by Eliezer Yudkowsky / Less Wrong on FanFiction.Net.
What is this story about, you ask? Here’s the answer:
Suppose that Petunia Evans does NOT marry Vernon Dursley; instead she marries a biochemist named Michael Verres. James and Lily die (just like in every alternative reality) and Harry ends up being adopted by Petunia and Verres. He grows up learning about science and reading science fiction. By the time his Hogwarts letter arrives, Harry is a genius and he sets off attempting to apply the methods of rationality to a world that has never heard of science.
Well, that’s that.
The story plays out like a serial fiction, with Harry attempting to apply science to a magical world. If you want to read it, be forewarned, for this story nitpicks at the original Harry Potter story and it also destroys everything that you thought you knew about Harry Potter.
Or as the writer says: This fic is widely considered to have really hit its stride starting at around Chapter 5. If you still don’t like it after Chapter 10, give up.
So, what’s different about Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality? Harry sees Draco Malfoy as a person and not an enemy. he also sees Ron as dull and uninteresting and so, they don’t become friends. Harry calls Snape out on his bull during potions class. (And that’s just the beginning of the story!)
This is one of the most popular fan fiction stories about Harry Potter out there and I highly suggest that you read this story immediately.
Plus, rational Harry is so much better that Rowling Harry.
If you wanted to know what story the world could have been reading IF Harry Potter had never been published or it was rejected by the general public, then look no further than here.
Here is a short list of what the story looks like:
Emerald Magic; also known as the Harry Potter story of the 1990s
Written in 1987
Published in 1989
Titled “Emerald Magic”
Five books published in total
part of a series titled “Legend of the Wizard“
Written by Cameron Quigley
Book titles: Emerald Magic, Crystal Gold, Mystic Infinity, Stony Seas, and Eternal Realm
Centers on a 12-year-old boy named Caleb Ketterbridge Has Asperger’s, family keeps him isolated, he has no friends During a stormy night, his parents are slain and Caleb is kidnapped Caleb ends up at Castlehead Academy of Magic outside of Bavaria
Caleb finds out that his parents aren’t his real parents; his true parents are fairies He makes new friends and begins his education
A mystery surrounding his birth surfaces Caleb sets off to solve the mystery and find his parents An evil wizard plots to kidnap Caleb and use him for his own gains Caleb is rumored to be a powerful fairy who could save the fairy kingdom from doom Caleb must decide to use his new-found powers for good or evil
“The Emerald Magic” becomes a bestseller and it produced four sequels It also became a hit movie in 1998, which is now a cult classic
Well, as soon as I have the story put together, I’ll post it here.
Harry Potter 2011 Blu Ray Years 1-8 Box Set Cover (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
This is the beginning of a new era, and this new era will be glorious, because we will never again have to hear the words “OMG THE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE IS COMING OUT IN SEVEN MONTHS!!!”
We here at The Blog That Made No Sense are happy to announce that this is the year 2012, and this year, there is no more Harry Potter for us to deal with at all. In fact, we now have Tyler Potter to deal with as we focus on building his unusual world from beginning to end.
This year, we are turning off the Harry Potter and turning on the other fan fiction that we think is better than Harry Potter and all that it implies. Hopefully, there will be less Harry and more original fantasy.
I nicked this off my Harry Potter Blog, which no longer exists:
Well, I’m thinking about it, and the way my life with Harry Potter fanfiction is going, I think I’m coming up with a good idea to write a story about the Wingmakers and how they lived their lives BEFORE the idea of Harry Potter attending Merlin‘s came about.
The characters in this story will be of course as follows:
Harrison (Ryenne) & Caleb Tuff: Harry and Dudley’s names in “Merlin’s”
Gladys Tuff: the boys’ adoptive mother
Wilhelmina Tuff: the boy’s adoptive sister, formerly known as Willamaerha Thristal
Michael Rasputin: headmaster of Merlin’s
Eleanor Diggenstyke: matron of Merlin’s
Issac Kempson: descendant of Issac Blake Parson, a wizard who built the Wingmakers village and founded Merlin’s
Mother Mira Jepsten: caretaker of the church in the Wingmaker’s village.
the Wingmakers: The Wingmakers were the original settlers of the land where the village and the school are, and their talents include telekinesis, elemental control, pyrotechnics, and Wiccan arts.
Merlin’s: the school where advanced magical arts and Wingmaker skills are taught Located near Cornwall, Wales. It’s really a huge castle, which is described as a modest castle, built of red bricks and set in a valley. It contains a lavish garden, several courtyards, a bronze statue of Issac Blake Parson dressed as an Arthurian knight, a bell tower, and a huge gateway, where the gates are made from steel. It’s interconnected to many smaller buildings and scores of small cabins scattered around a huge field.
The village: called Glasnost, which the villagers affectionately called “Camelot” after the King Arthur legends. located next to the school.
Michael Rasputin: Don’t let the name Rasputin fool you; Michael is nowhere near related to the infamous Gregory Rasputin (1872-1916) the Russian mystic who practically destroyed czarist Russia.
Gladys’s age upon coming to Merlin’s: She was 23 in 1981.
Gladys’s children: Everett Jesse, Agnes, & Stanley Tuff, and Aurelien, Justin, Yvaine, & Jérémie Larson. Rasputin is reported to be their father.
Squibs: Squibs were historically mistreated by wizards and other magical beings in most countries around the world. Most of them were sent to Merlin’s for safety reasons.
Well, that seems to be about it. I’ll let you all know when I’m starting the story back up again!
Yeah. This sounds like a great idea for a story. I know I will be writing it…eventually! But under a different title.
And after I finish up the original story.
Well, it’s taking me a while to finish it up, but not to worry, I haven’t abandoned it completely. I just need to get the rest of the fanfic knocked into place.
And when that’s done, I can begin with the series, which could be big.