Never Thought We Would See This Happen…

Well, it’s happening today.

If you remember the bad fanfiction that was the Harry Potter epilogue, it has been 19 years since the Voldemort Wars ended.

Meaning, it’s officially 19 years later; on that day, a young boy was sent to Hogwarts by his parents, and reading that part in Harry Potter & the Deathly Hollows was AWKWARD for everyone!

But that’s not what this blog post is about.

In fact, I must say that today is the day when we finally see the dreaded Harry Potter epilogue come to life. As in, Harry’s poorly-named second son is on his way to Hogwarts.

I don’t believe it.

Advertisements

A Controversial Opinion

I have something important to say about the Harry Potter world, and believe me, it’s not pretty.

For many years, I have tried to ignore Harry Potter and go about my daily life, but it was all but impossible to do so. People I knew begged, coerced, and even threatened me to read the Harry Potter books or something bad would happen to me.

Well, I’m here to tell you: I have never read the Harry Potter books and guess what? I’m still alive!

Because I never read Harry Potter, I’m glad I was never stressed out over the books. I never planned my life around the movies and I never participated in the online forums. Instead, I found other books to read that aren’t Harry Potter, and I’m happier for it.

So, can you survive without Harry Potter? You lived BEFORE Harry Potter, and you can live without him today.

That is all.

Rebooting the Story That Made No Sense

The Hall at Christ Church in Oxford, England.

The Hall at Christ Church in Oxford, England. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This year, I intend to give this story a much-needed makeover. But instead of just another Harry Potter rewrite, I’m going to have an original idea regarding Tyler Potter and the show that he was ripped from.

Plus, this story might make you rethink the way you see orphaned characters in general.

Here we go.

Does anyone else NOT like Harry Potter? | The Straight Dope

via Does anyone else NOT like Harry Potter? | The Straight Dope 

Just read the forum posts since I’m too lazy to review them. Basically, nobody likes Harry Potter and do we really need to give out a reason?

27 Things People Who Didn’t Like “Harry Potter” Are Tired Of Hearing

via 27 Things People Who Didn’t Like “Harry Potter” Are Tired Of Hearing

Hate Harry Potter? Tired of being mocked for hating him? Read this list and make your critics weep:

  1. When you say you don’t like Harry Potter, people automatically assume you have no imagination. (Guess what: I hate Harry Potter. DEAL WITH IT, YOU TWAT!!)
  2. Or, better yet, they think you’re illiterate. “Have you even read the book???” (No, I haven’t read the book , and I don’t plan to. Get off my back about it!)
  3. There is always talk of a new book or new movie or new Harry Potter SOMETHING, so if you aren’t excited about it, you’re a social pariah. (I have better things to do than to obsess over a fictional character.)
  4. No, you don’t get it. Actually, you feel no connection to this world because unlike them, you can’t solve all your inconveniences with magic. (FYI, you can’t solve the world problems with magic! Duh!)
  5. And spell names? Yeah, what the f**k is “Expelliarmus”? (can I punch someone in the face, please?)
  6. Patronuses… WTF??? This is the stuff of nightmares. (I’ve already had enough nightmares from real life; I don’t want them in my books!)
  7. “Muggles” and “Mudbloods” and blah blah BLAH.(Are you fricking racist???)
  8. “This is such an epic story of good vs. evil.” Yeah, except the villains are flat: Voldemort is self-loathing, Petunia Dursley is mega jealz of her sister, and Draco is going through puberty, like all the time. (YAWN. I could crap out a better story than this.)
  9. Don’t fool yourself, Harry and Ginny do NOT make the cutest couple ever. (Oedipal complex??)
  10. Also, the School of Witchcraft and Wizardry does not seem fun, it sounds like a total bummer; everyone is always in danger of DYING. (can’t I at least get through one year without BEING IN FRICKING DANGER ALL THE TIME???)
  11. Being assigned to Slytherin for any HP-themed game is a passive-aggressive way of people telling you you f**king suck. (Well, **** you! I won’t do what you tell me!)
  12. To everyone who wishes Gryffindor existed: Isn’t categorizing everyone into four different groups just a terrible idea? (sorting is just as bad as labeling)
  13. He Who Must Not Be Named” would never happen. There’d always be some kids in an alleyway saying his name all the time just because they could. (Are you fricking kidding me???)
  14. Then there was that day your friends dragged you to watch the first part of the seventh movie because you “had to see it!” (Dude, if you drag me to this piece of **** movie, I will unfriend you!)
  15. To your surprise, or lack there of, it actually isn’t “the best movie of all time”; all the movies start to blend together and feel exactly the SAME. (Harry repeats itself ALL THE FRICKING TIME!!! Why would you want to subject yourself to that?)
  16. The “epic” final wand battle of the seventh movie feels depressingly anticlimactic. (wake me up when Harry dies)
  17. You couldn’t care less that there’s an International Quidditch Association. (Screw quidditch. Football is better.)
  18. All the news stories of the legal injunctions and blackmail attempts caused from fear of the latest book leaking is a bit too much. (and people think that fan fiction should be legal)
  19. You’ve heard your friends geek out about it one too many times. (guess what? you need to dump your friends)
  20. The tattoos, just, NO. (I’d rather do Game of Thrones)
  21. The fan fiction terrifies you. (better yet, avoid fan fiction like it’s the plague)
  22. Everyone went through a period where they tried to sound British, and it still drives you NUTS. (You’ve just offended everyone who is actually British. Go stand in a corner and rethink your life.)
  23. Also, everyone and their mother takes this photo next to the 9 ¾ cart when they’re in London. (You have officially lost me as a child. Have fun playing with your imaginary kid.)
  24. Sardine flavored jelly beans are enough to turn your apathy toward HP into complete detestation. (#1, gross, and #2, how dare you steal from Jelly Belly! I’m shocked that a lawsuit hasn’t been filed yet to stop this travesty)
  25. The abundance of HP products everywhere makes you feel like there is no escape. (Can’t we make this just go away? Like forever?)
  26. Not to mention this THEME PARK, which is really just a hub for obsessive fans. (DO. NOT. GO TO THAT. PLACE. OR. ELSE. YOU’LL. NEVER. BE ALLOWED. TO. LEAVE.)
  27. Honestly, J.K. Rowling’s success story is the most interesting part of this whole thing to you. (her dreams came true at the cost of everyone else’s sanity.)

Now you know. As for me, I’m MUGGLE AND PROUD OF IT!!

25 Things within the World of Harry Potter that just DON’T MAKE SENSE!

English: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, ...

English: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, at Islands Of Adventures, Orlando, FL (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

via 25 Things within the World of Harry Potter that just DON’T MAKE SENSE!

First things first: why do we even have Harry Potter? It’s freaking everywhere and it’s so freaking annoying! (no wonder why I left the fandom in the first place!)

Anyway, here’s what I have to say about the list of things that don’t make any sense:

  1. Brooms are pretty dumb. Why would anyone want to ride them? (I try to avoid that in my stories, as brooms can hurt your butt)
  2. A sword, gun, or an arrow can do more damage than “avada kedavra“. Just saying.
  3. Is it so wrong to be popular at school? No wonder why Harry, Ron, and Hermione never grew out of their roles.
  4. I’m sure there were plenty of other people who took a bullet for someone they loved.
  5. Quidditch sucks.
  6. Magic? More like who cares if Harry’s eyes are messed up? Make him wear glasses.
  7. That one that Christians seem to have a problem with, and for all the RIGHT reasons too.
  8. Do parents even care if their kids are in danger while at Hogwarts?
  9. Spring kicks your butt.
  10. Dumbledore is just a flat-out useless jerk.
  11. Voldemort is the worst villain of all time.
  12. No one saw this coming WHY???
  13. Evidently, Rowling failed to do her research on prison escapes.
  14. Nobody really likes Harry at all.
  15. Do wizards NOT believe in eating meat?
  16. No census for the population of the wizarding world?
  17. David Tennant appeared to be the only talented Death Eater out there.
  18. Why were the Weasleys invented?
  19. Where’s Child Protective Services when you need them?
  20. So, everyone is washed up before reaching 18 years old? What a travesty!
  21. House of Cards took their cues from Harry Potter.
  22. Owls are wild animals, not a delivery service.
  23. Hidden racism???
  24. What did they do on Friday nights?
  25. Sword fights are better.

So now you know. And if you find this list even remotely offensive, then do this: stand up, back away from the computer, turn around and literally GET A FRICKING LIFE!!!

Not Another Harry Potter Story!!!

Ok, so once again, we have to deal with J. K. Rowling being unable to let go of her cash cow, I mean, Harry Potter. Good golly god, Rowling! Haven’t you had enough of Harry Potter? Because we sure have.

Besides, do we really care to hear about Harry Potter? No! We want to know more about Dumbledore, Snape, and the wizarding world in general. Plus, as the song states, we’re getting tired of Pooter.

(and yes, I meant to write Pooter instead of Potter. Thank you for pointing that out.)

Just mosey on along.

The Origins of Tyler Potter

Ten Little Wizards

Image via Wikipedia

So, where did Tyler Potter come from?

According to this blog, Tyler was first featured in a show called “Space Wizards“, in which Tyler is a 15-year-old boy living in a steampunk world called Aganaea and he is sent to a special boarding school to learn to become a space wizard. But when he gets to the school, he discovers that there has been a cover up and a student reappears after disappearing years before.

He came from an early 1990’s cartoon. Not made up for the sake of being in a story that didn’t make any sense.

Later on, we will be exploring Tyler’s world and how and why Tyler was picked to play in a role that would have even the most seasoned reader screaming in agony.

25 Ways to Piss Off a Harry Potter Fan

Harry Potter

Harry Potter (Photo credit: ACPL)

If you have a friend who likes Harry Potter so much that it annoys you to no end, here’s a way to get those fans off your back for good: 

  1. Make a bonfire, throw their books in, and say “It’s Magic!” 
  2. Tell them the Weasley’s are gingers.
  3. Say that Harry belongs with Hermoine, rather than her screwing Ron.
  4. Constantly tell them that Edward Cullen is hotter than Harry. 
  5. Argue that Stephanie Meyer could beat J.K. Rowling in a drag race. 
  6. Tell them that James from Twilight could eat Voldemort. Literally. 
  7. Repetitively ask if Harry likes playing with magic sticks, if you know what I mean.
  8. Remind them Daniel Radcliffe was in a play where he was naked and fantasized about horses. 
  9. Run around riding a tree branch, shouting “I’M HARRY POTTER!” 
  10. Talk with a horrible British accent and claim you go to Hogwarts. 
  11. Remind them Dumbledore is gay. 
  12. Exclaim “Well, Harry doesn’t sparkle in the sunlight!”
  13. Tell them Bella is much prettier than Ginny.
  14. Insist that Snape uses Loreal to condition his hair.
  15. When seeing a poster or picture with Harry on it, scream “THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!”
  16. Pronounce the actor’s names wrong.
  17. Ask who Harry Potter is.
  18. Tell them Dumbledore hides a rabbit under his hat.
  19. Pronounce the character’s names wrong.
  20. Suggest that Harry should look into a pair of D&G glasses rather than his silly round ones.
  21. Ask if Voldemort got plastic surgery on his nose.
  22. Say Harry should try out Mederma
  23. Ask “If Harry’s scar hurts so bad, then why doesn’t he just take Tylenol?!”
  24. Tell them “Why so Sirius — Black?”
  25. Ask them if they do know what Harry means and claim J.K. Rowling is perverted.

WARNING: I’m not responsible for anyone getting beaten up by pissed off Harry Potter fans because they did this list.

Link: http://cinemaroll.com/fantasy/25-ways-to-piss-off-a-harry-potter-fan/#ixzz1BhRTENLM

I’ll have more real soon!Related articles

Enhanced by Zemanta

Did Harry Potter rip off Tim Hunter?

The debate over Harry Potter & Tim Hunter carries on…

Links:

Enhanced by Zemanta