Harry Potter, I Sentence You to Die! – a Satire

Harry Potter, I sentence you to DIE!

Not only do your books and movies suck, but also there’s a fan fiction out there that exposed you for what you truly are. A fake. A phony. You’re the worst thing since creamed corn, and I would rather eat creamed corn than deal with you!

I can’t stand you. You’re freaking everywhere! I want you to go away and cease to exist! Let someone else take over the story because you’re not worth having one!

Please, just go away!

You’re saying you think I’m crazy? You say I would be happier if I would just sit down, shut up, and read your books? That is bullshit! I will NOT sit down, shut up, and read your books, not when there are better books out there for me to read!

So, for the last time, Harry Potter, go away!


This “Harry Potter” theory is the most lonely and sad one yet


I have always believed that Harry must have made the whole story up in his head. I mean, what other explanation is there? Harry Potter was a story of a boy who liked to pretend that he was a famous wizard living with cruel and abusive relatives who shoved him into a closet under the stairs.

That seems to make more sense than some of the other Harry Potter theories out there.

I wonder who else believes this theory. If you do, please comment below. Thank you for reading this blog post.

Reviews of the Books of Magic

Tim Hunter is no ordinary boy; in fact, he is destined to be one powerful wizard, the most powerful wizard on earth, who could either save the world, or condemn it.He is trained, meets all sorts of characters, and learns of his destiny. He goes through much loneliness and isolation, which costs him his family and friends. But in the end, he wins a majorly quiet victory.

And besides, what kind of hero is Harry Potter anyway?

Link: http://www.the11thhour.com/archives/102000/comicreviews/magic.html

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Harry’s Wish

So, what exactly did Harry wish for?

In my now deleted series “The Series That Made No Sense”, Harry wished that he was never Harry Potter in the first place. Of course, that wish not only destroys his own life, but it destroys the lives of everyone around him. (To make things worse, Harry’s parents, James and Lily, never meet at Hogwarts, meaning that James marries a random girl and Lily ends up with Severus Snape.) Harry doesn’t realize that making that wish to never be Harry Potter was akin to him wishing that he was never born.

And to wish that you were never born is the worst wish to make.

So, what drove Harry to make that wish?

Well, it was a combination of his horrible childhood, never being genuinely loved and cared for, and being treated as a sacrificial lamb that drove him to doing what he did. (And of course, it was all Dumbledore’s fault Harry turned out the way he did, but I’ll tackle that in another blog post.)

Now that we know why Harry made his wish and what drove him to make that wish, you may wonder how the others reacted to him making that wish. Well, sorry to upset you, but I never had a chance to write their reactions before the story began. (And that’s something I will regret for the rest of my life.)

The History of “The Story That Made No Sense”

As I’ve said on the first post of this blog, I wrote the story when I was disappointed with the final book in the Harry Potter series. Of course, it turned into a poorly-written parody, with Harry Potter making a terrible (and completely selfish) decision to delete himself from the world. That decision destroyed the wizarding world and forced another young boy to take Harry’s place as the hero of the series.

Needless to say, the boy was worse than what Harry had been.

For example, the boy lived a worse life than Harry did, which was why he happily agreed to go off with Hagrid to Hogwarts (or whatever you call it, since there is no Harry Potter, there can’t be a Hogwarts!). Also, the boy’s two friends are even weirder than Ron and Hermione put together.

But that’s not the worst of it.

Harry himself is reduced to playing the part of the love interest who is useless when the main character is in trouble, which happens on several occasions. Plus, although Harry finally has the family he wants, his family is the worst family you can find on this earth. (Plus, it would be a waste of time describing them.)

So, what we have here is a story which doesn’t make any sense.

I also wrote the prequel that doesn’t make any sense, and it continued to destroy the Harry Potter world. Luckily, when I wrote The Sequel That Made No Sense, something inside me told me to STOP WRITING THE STORY AND DELETE IT FROM THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW!!! (Ironically, writing The Sequel That Made No Sense made me stop writing (and reading) Harry Potter fanfiction altogether. But I’ll talk about that later.)

Anyway, with that being done, I ended up deleting my fanfiction.net account and disassociating myself from the Harry Potter fandom for a long time. But the story about a boy who goes on an adventure only to realize that he was causing trouble in his school stayed with me for a while, as I knew what I had to do.

With that, that’s the story behind the story that made no sense. Of course, this story will be exclusive, pointing out things that Harry Potter got wrong (and what I’m doing to correct the mistakes), and presenting to the world the story that should have been written. Now let’s get this story started!