Top 10 Alternate Endings to Deathly Hallows – Harry Potter Prognostications Podcast

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Top 10 Alternate Endings to Deathly Hallows – Harry Potter Prognostications Podcast: If you want to know how Harry Potter should have ended, then click the link and prepare to die laughing.

I’ll have my own alternative endings to Harry Potter real soon.

Update: Here’s the list and my reactions to it:

10. Scooby Doo ending – Voldemort is captured, and is revealed to be Filch wearing a mask. As he is hauled away, he shouts, “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”

My reaction: If Voldemort was Filch, then that meant that the whole “Boy-Who-Lived” thing was pointless.

*****

9. South Park ending: After defeating Voldemort, Harry and Ron address the audience, saying, “You know, I’ve learned something today.” Suddenly, Ginny is run over by the Knight Bus, prompting Ron to shout, “They killed Ginny!” Harry responds, “You bastards!” Neville laughs and says it’s because Ginny was poor.

My reaction: Yay! No more Ginny! (BTW, I hate Ginny)

*****

8. Star Wars ending; Voldemort reveals himself to in fact be Harry’s father.

My reaction: Stupid, useless, and lame. I can’t believe they would do that. (Plus, villain as relative cheapens the entire story)

*****

7. CSI: Miami ending: Harry, Ron and Hermione collect evidence linking Voldemort to the murder of Albus Dumbledore. When confronted, Voldemort challenges Harry to prove he did it; Harry puts on his sunglasses, holding up a single strand of Voldemort’s hair, responds, “I don’t have to, you already did.”

My reaction: Next week, the CSI Team investigates the death of one Severus Snape and stumble upon some anti-wizarding agency bent on destroying everything related to magic.

*****

6. 24 ending: It is revealed that Voldemort was really just working for the French, and Madame Maxime was really behind the entire plot to destroy the wizarding world. At the last second, Harry is able to diffuse the device Maxime had planted that would neutralize all wizard’s power in all of England. Just as they begin to celebrate, Harry is captured by the Chinese and when we last see him, he is on a boat to China.

My reaction: Season finale or series finale?

*****

5. Brokeback Mountain ending: After wishing he could “quit him,” Harry finally finds out that Draco was beaten to death with wands by a group of angry Deatheaters. The book closes with Harry gazing longingly into his trunk, in which he has Draco’s Slytherin robe wrapped around his own Invisibility Cloak. Harry mumbles, “I swear, Draco.” and sheds a single tear.

My reaction: This ending is so pointless I cried.

*****

4. Lord of the Rings ending: Harry and Ron finally destroy the final horucrux by throwing it into a bubbling lave pit deep beneath Hogwarts, killing Lord Voldemort in the process, but at the same time weakening the foundations of Hogwarts, trapping Harry and Ron miles beneath the surface. Where they gaze into each others eyes, too afraid to talk about the love that dare not speak its name. Just as they pass out, Fawkes rescues them and they both live out their lives married to their respective spouses.

My reaction: Keep that Harry Potter crap away from my Lord of the Rings!

*****

3. A Few Good Men ending: In the process of defeating Lord Voldemort, Ron and Hermione accidentally kill Draco. They are brought to trial before the Wizengamut, and Harry must act as their lawyer. Harry believes that Ron and Hermione were only following orders from Percy, and so he calls Percy to the stand. After a few hours of intense questioning, Harry finally tricks Percy into admitting he ordered the attack on Malfoy. As he is led off to Azkaban, Percy remarks, “All you did was weaken the wizarding world today, Potter. That’s all you did.”

My reaction: You want my reaction? You can’t handle my reaction!

*****

2. Back to the Future ending: Harry, Ron and Hermione defeat Voldemort by traveling back through time to 1955. While there, they befriend a young, and not yet evil, Tom Riddle. By showing him love and friendship, Tom grows up to be a swell guy, in fact, he’s Dumbledore’s personal assistant. Just as we think things are going to be OK, Mad Eye Moody shows up, grabs Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny and herds them to his nuclear powered broom time machine. When Harry asks what is wrong with them in future, Moody replies, “You turn out fineit’s your kids!”

My reaction: WTF???

*****

1. Harry Potter ending: It’s the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. ‘Nuff said.

My reaction: Whatever. That ending still sucks.

*****

Overall: Well, it shows that even a bad story can have some funny ways to end it. But as I have said before, I will throw out my own endings to Harry Potter, so watch for it!

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