The Hayley Chame Essay

The following essay concerns the part of The Story That Made No Sense, where Hayley Chame is concerned.

I want to protest. Seriously, I want to protest. Hayley Chame is nothing more than the secret love child of Lily Evans and Severus Snape, and that character is played by one Harry Potter, which makes me very angry. I don’t like Harry, and I especially hate him now that he’s chosen to play the part of a boy who is pushed into the background of a (much better) hero and deemed only to be the short-lived gay love interest of said hero.

Nobody needs those.

Also, Hayley’s family has all the worst aspects that a family can find, yet why nobody called social services on them is upsetting. I also don’t understand for the life of me why Matthew Larson would want to live in a family that’s so bad, it makes his evil biological relatives look good. Even he should know to get away from the chames, as they’re a terrible influence.

Come on, people! Even Sadie Schroeder is better than these stupid idiotic losers, and she’s a whiny Mary-sue brat as it is!”

Anyway, thank you for reading this plodding junk known as an essay and remember, kids, that when you create a character, make sure you follow the rules or else you’ll have character that’s so useless that you’ll want to kill them off before they meet the main hero.

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So, what’s next?

harry moffer 1

harry moffer 1 (Photo credit: claireviolet82)

Well, I know you’re all thinking what we’re going to be doing now that 2012 has come and gone. Since we’ve absolutely gotten over Harry Potter, here’s some of the things we’re working on for this year:

  • Finishing “This Story Makes No Sense”
  • Starting the Harry Moffer parody series
  • Writing at least one Harry Potter ripoff
  • Beginning the story “The Anti-Potter Fantasy Club”
  • Writing the ending to Away In England
  • Writing the ending to Bad Harry Potter Fan Fiction Stories
  • Fake parodies of Harry Potter
  • Rewriting the ending to Harry Potter

This list is only temporary, as there might be more ideas that we can be doing on this blog. We’ll be back with more.

Hooray! We have survived a whole year without Harry Potter!

Harry Potter & the Methods of Rationality movi...

Harry Potter & the Methods of Rationality movie poster (Photo credit: claireviolet82)

Well, we have done the impossible. We have lived through an entire year without listening to the words “Harry Potter“.

Doesn’t that feel great? I know I’m feeling fantastic, seeing as I’m recuperating from having to hear about Harry Potter, and I was getting tired of it. But if we can go through 2012 without Harry Potter, than we can endure the the rest of our lives without Harry Potter.

Anyway, let’s get back to the real reason why we have this blog in the first place.

The Story That Made No Sense to be Renamed as “This Story Makes No Sense”

I’m deciding to give “The Story That Made No Sense” a second chance to actually…make NO sense!

How will I do that?

Well, I’m renaming the whole thing as “This Story Makes No Sense“, and taking the entire 7-part series and turning it into one big story, an epilogue, of course! It’s going to satirize the entire Harry Potter series and the fan fiction that was spawned from that. Plus, I’m going to do a Harry Potter rip-off separately from this story, and I’d like to get everything sorted out so that this fic and the rip-off are separate.

So, let’s prepare for the satire to begin!

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction that makes fun of characters from the Harry Potter world, which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. I do not claim any ownership over the characters or the world of Harry Potter, as everything Harry Potter related belongs to J. K. Rowling and why would I want to claim something like that?

Author’s note, or how this got started: When I was busy reading Harry Potter fan fiction, I sometimes wondered to myself what if there never was a Harry Potter? Sure, it’s already been done before, but don’t you think what if there never was a Harry Potter? If someone else were the Boy-Who-Lived, then who would it be? When Harry makes a wish to never be Harry Potter, he unknowingly messes up the world. There is now Tyler Trobber, and he must do what Harry did So sit back and relax, and read the story that made no sense!

New Year, and this Blog STILL Makes No Sense!

Well, this blog has moved from blogger to WordPress and as such, it’s like starting over with a clean slate.

This year, I aim to restart the Story That Made No Sense and hopefully make it a true Harry Potter parody instead of the mess that I currently have.

Plus, the Better Than Potter anthology will begin later this month, so watch for it!

The Story That Made No Sense to become an ebook

It’s very true, guys; I am going to be turning the Story That Made No Sense into an ebook.

As was stated in the last blog post, I am trying to turn this series into an ebook and in order to do that, lots of things need to be changed around. But the original story is going to stay put.

But the names and other things have been changed and the story will be presented with a brand-new plot, one that would hopefully look better than the epic fail that was Harry Potter. It’s unclear as to what I will actually be doing with the story at this present moment.

Changes to the Story That Made No Sense

Here’s a list of how the story about Tyler Potter has been changed:

  1. The moment where Harry Potter makes his stupid wish and the world is changed forever.
  2. Tyler’s life with the Herron family.
  3. NO SLASH!!! (Sorry, Harry, but I cannot let any slash be in my story)*
  4. Getting Tyler away from the Herron.
  5. Alternative meeting with Matthew and Coco
  6. Changing the names of Harry Potter characters and places.
  7. Eliminating all references to Harry Potter’s past life.
  8. Tyler is now Tyler Foster.
  9. No Lord Voldemort.
  10. The story is to be as realistic as possible.

Well, that’s some of the ideas that I’m implementing for the story, which will now be titled “This Story Makes No Sense“. Look for that story to be released soon!

refers to the story on fanfiction.net where Harry is constantly begging me to make the story a slash story and to put Tyler and Hayley together.

This Story Isn’t Done Yet…

Tyler, Marty, & Coco

Tyler, Marty, & Coco (Photo credit: claireviolet82)

…because I’m not finished writing it!

As you can tell from my earlier posts, I’m about to do a huge overhaul of the original Story That Made No Sense by rewriting the entire plot chapter by chapter.

Wanna know why?

Because I plan on turning this into a short little parody (which will be a trilogy rather than a seven-part series) and I’d like to get it online and done as soon as I can.

Just so you know, I’m not ending Tyler Potter’s story anytime soon!

That is all.

So, What Happened in “The Epilogue That Made No Sense”?

Well, basically, here’s the deal:

  1. Tyler Potter married Sadie Schroeder (the Mary-Sue character) and they have three children named Miles, Alexander-David, and Annette Aslan.
  2. Marty McGuire married Coco Riddle and they have two children named Marcie and Cyrus.
  3. Hayley Snape married Sophia Meuller and they had four children, yet only two have been named Felicity and Finley.
  4. Malcolm Dratzins has a son named Devlin, but his wife was unnamed.
  5. Trixis Wolfin (possibly a play on the name Teddy Lupin) is dating Pepper Snape (Hayley’s niece). Pepper’s father is one of Hayley’s older brothers, but which one of his brothers is Pepper’s father, the story does not say.
  6. Alistair Johnson married Tyler’s cousin Galadriel Black and they are the parents of an unnamed set of twins. Alistair is also a techer at Pinecastle Academy.
  7. At this point, Marty hasn’t reconciled with the McGuire or Luvannokitch families, nor does he want to.
  8. Alexander-David fears for his place at Pinecastle Academy, but Tyler convinces him not to worry, as it doesn’t matter where he is placed, just as long as he makes something of it.
  9. Alexander-David stares at Felicity. (Hayley/Tyler part II?)
  10. Malcolm is confronted by Hayley.
  11. After all was said and done, the kids board the train and the train takes off. Sadie comforts Tyler and reassures him that Alexander-David will be fine.
  12. It ends with those three dreaded words: “All was well“.

Well, that was my take of the parody of the Harry Potter Epilogue. I hope you’ve enjoyed it and I might even build a story around these poorly-created new characters at some point in time.

The Epilogue That Made No Sense

And now for the epilogue that certainly makes no sense:

(WARNING: This story will parody the Harry Potter Epilogue!)

19 years have passed since the evil Magician was defeated.

Yes. 19 years is too long for this story, but since we’re poking fun at Harry Potter, we might as well get this out of the way now or else we’ll never see the ending.

So, here we go.

Tyler and Sadie Potter were standing at the Scich Mire train station with their children Miles, Alexander-David, and Annette Aslan. The boys were a bit excited over going to Pinecastle Academy of Magic. But Annette Aslan wasn’t very happy about it; she was 9 years old and she wanted to go to Pinecastle Academy.

“Why can’t I go to Pinecastle with Miles and Alexander-David?” she snapped at her mother.

“You’re not ready yet,” said Sadie, who still looked as radiant as the day that she first laid eyes on Tyler Potter and wanted to possess him. “You have two more years until your magic manifests inside you and the you can go.”

Annette Aslan said, “But that’s not fair, mom. I want to go now!”

At that point, Marty and Coco McGuire came with their children Marcie and Cyrus. Marcie was the same age as Alexander-David. Marty said, “I take it that things are going well with you, Ty?”

“They should be,” said Tyler.

“I don’t know,” said Coco. “Last week, Marty threw out some random news reporter who was clamoring about some online newspaper wanting to interview him or something like that.”

“I already told everyone, I’m not interested in spilling out my life story,” Marty snapped. “I have a life now. I’ve got children to raise and a marriage to maintain. People need to learn to butt out of my life! The damage has already been done, so I want nothing to do with the McGuires or the Luvannokitch families.”

“Indeed,” said Coco.

“Some things never change,” said Sadie.

Hayley and Sophia Snape also showed up with their children, saying, “Well, we’ve got one more year before we send Finley off.”

“And you’re here why?” said Sadie.

“Just to see them off, of course,” said Hayley. “You didn’t think I’d not show up, or did you?”

“No way,” said Tyler. “I mean, what’s a sendoff without the whole family seeing you off?”

While the grownups were talking, the children were staring at the train. Marcie said, “Just wait, Alex. Another hour and we’ll be off to school. Isn’t this going to be great?”

“i think so,” said Alexander-David.

“Why are you so upset, Alex?” said Marcie.

“It’s just that I’m not sure of myself,” said Alexander-David. “What if I end up in Unicornfeather instead of Phoenixhorn?”

“It’s not the end of the world if you end up in Unicornfeather,” Tyler said to Alexander-David. “I could have gone into Unicornfeather if I wanted to. I could have gone into Pixiepuffle or Dragonsting as well. But I chose to go into Phoenixhorn and while it might not have been my best choice, it was the choice that mattered. Besides, if I never went into Phoenixhorn…”

“…he would have never met me,” Sadie beamed at him.

Tyler nodded and turned to see Malcolm Dratzins, his wife, and their son Devlin coming into the train station. He then looked at Alexander-David and said, “Don’t worry too much about the Sorting Hat; sometimes, it makes choices that seem ridiculous at first, but you’ll soon grow into your new role…”

“Hey, isn’t that Trixis Wolfin kissing Pepper Snape?” cried Cyrus as he pointed to a young couple standing on the side of the ticket booth.

“Well, isn’t this nice?” said Coco. “Looks like Trixis is on his way to joining the Snape family.”

“Oh, you gotta be kidding me!” Hayley cried out. “Not my niece!”

Just then, the train whistle blew, signaling that the train would depart from the station in 30 minutes. Immediately, the families began to steer their children towards the train, dragging trunks full of magical school supplies with them. As Felicity Snape boarded the train, she caught a glimpse of Alexander-David Potter. Hayley and Tyler saw the children staring at each other and shook their heads. But nothing prepared them for the fact that Malcolm and Devlin Dratzins approached them.

“So, you decided to show up right after we kicked you out,” Marty snapped at him.

“But I had to return,” said Malcolm. “The wizarding world had requested that I return and take up my father’s post. Plus, my son Devlin was accepted into Pinecastle and I can’t just not let him go, or can I?”

“I don’t know what strings you pulled to get back here,” Hayley snapped, “but I won’t let your son near my children…”

“OK, that’s quite enough,” said Sophia. “I don’t know why you boys insist on restarting this feud, but I won’t have it.” To the children, she said, “Tell Alistair that we all said hi.”

“Alistair? you mean Professor Johnson?” said Felicity.

“Isn’t he married to Galadriel Black?” said Marcie.

“This is great!” said Alexander-David. “We’ll get to see them and the twins at Pinecastle!”

After one last goodbye, the train took off quickly, with Finley, Cyrus, and Annette Aslan chasing after it until it pulled out of the station and became a blip on the horizon. Trixis went to retrieve the children as Tyler sighed. He hoped that Alexander-David would be happy during his first term at Pinecastle Academy.

Sadie said to him, “Don’t worry, Tyler. He’s going to be fine.”

“I hope so,” Tyler said more to himself than to her. Hopefully, Headmaster Isabella Dumbledore would do a better job leading his sons than her father manipulated him.

He reached out and felt the crescent moon-shaped scar that still covered his right cheek. It had not troubled him for 19 years. All was well.

(Well, that’s how the story ends! I told you that it didn’t make sense!)