How Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows should have ended…

Dobby in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ...

Dobby in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Harry: I’m about to take down Dumbledore. Who’s willing to fight with me?

Jacquel: Well, before I answer that question, there’s something you need to know: Dumbledore was actually in league with Grindelwald.

Seamus: And both of them knocked me up. Twice.

Jacquel: Back to my original question: how dumb are you?

Ron: That’s not very nice!

Bellatrix: I knew Dumbledore was a stupid old bastard…(Neville chops her head off)

Neville: Yeah! That’s for my family, you bitch! (Nagini hisses at him) Don’t think I won’t go for you! (he kills Nagini)

Ron: Whoa, Neville! You’ve gone all badass!

Hermione: Exactly like that wolf-guy said.

Jacquel: And I’m supposed to marry the blonde haired guy.

Harry: Lucius Malfoy?

Jacquel: No way! I’m not marrying him, not with his long hair, elegant clothes, swinging that pimp cane around…no!

Voldemort: I have my wand out, Potter. I’m going to kill you now.

Sean: Not if I kill you first! (he pounces on Voldemort and kills him. then someone shows up)

Sirius: Hey, what’d I miss?

Seamus: Not much, just Sean killed Voldemort, Remus knocked up your cousin and bolted, and Jacquelyn got married.

Sirius: To who?

James (from Twilight): Unfortunately, she has married Caius from the Volturi.

All: WHAT?

Fred: You mean to tell me that after all this time, Magnus and I were about to fight for Jacquel and SHE runs off and marries someone else?

Magnus: Jacquel, what were you thinking?

Jacquel: Yeah, I should have said I was engaged to Caius since I was 9 years old.

Magnus: He’s a vampire! You can’t marry him! Think of your fans!

Jacquel: I have no fans; only idiots who think my grandpa was a monster and my grandmother smelled of poisoned goop!

Harry: Well, this sucks! Jacquel marries a vampire, Fred dies, George loses an ear, Hermione marries Ron, Draco marries some other girl, and Dumbledore is a douche. (noticing fans leaving) Hey, where do you think you’re going?

Fan #1: We’re leaving you, Harry. Your story sucks!

Fan #2: You shouldn’t have married that Ginny Weasley in the first place!

Fan #3: I still remembered what you did to that Cedric Diggory!

Harry: But why are you ditching me?

Magnus: Plain and simple, Harry. Nobody likes you anymore.

Harry: Why me?

The End!


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