How Harry Potter & the Sorcerer’s Stone Should Have Ended…

English: Alternate coat of arms of Hogwarts sc...

English: Alternate coat of arms of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry from Harry Potter book series, by J.K Rowling, with added shading effects. For a reference i used a drawing found on the internet, probably an illustration from one of the books. The motto translates to “never tickle a sleeping dragon” vector drawing,.SVG format. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

(Everyone is in the 3rd Room Corridor)

Harry: We gotta get the sorcerer’s stone before Lord Voldemort does!

Jacquel: No you don’t.

Harry: Yes we do! We have to, or else Snape will steal it and give it to Lord Voldemort!

Jacquel: And I say, no you don’t! Can’t you see? They’re just using you to get the stone so that you die and Dumbledore gets the stone!

Neville: It’s true. I saw it in a movie once.

Hermione: Oh, you have got to be kidding me!

Ron: That’s not true! Why would Dumbledore do that?

Jacquel: Because he’s a mean and evil bastard who manipulated Harry into doing whatever he wants and stuff like that.

Harry: You mean, he made me live with people who hate me and stuff like that?

Jacquel: That’s exactly what I mean, Harry. So I suggest that we all go to bed right now or else we’ll get in big trouble. (All mumble, but they agreed with Jacquel and went to bed)


Snape: Aha! I caught you Quirrell! What do you have to say for yourself?

Quirrell: Well, you’ll still be a boring teacher and I’m going to date a Movie Character. How do you like THEM apples?

Snape: You have the stone?

Quirrell: Yup. (He holds it up)

Snape: (waving his wand) AVADA KEDAVRA! (Quirrell falls down dead) Who’s the boring teacher now? (He takes the stone) Now to dispose of this thing…(he tosses it into the fire and it melts)

(The next day)

Dumbledore: Unfortunately, Slytherin has won the house cup…(Slytherins mock as everyone else boos) And also, we will have to have a resorting ceremony, seeing as SOME people are unfit to be in Gryffindor…(Harry, Jacquel, Neville, Stacey, and Jaden are brought forward) I have tested them and they all belong in Slytherin.

Malfoy: Hah! About time Potty knew his place!

Jacquel: Shut the hell up, Evil Faith!


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