Before I begin the parody…

Here’s a message from the writer of this book:

While the authentic series may be good (or not, according to your opinion), this book is without question hilarious. This badly written story contains jokes that will offend even the biggest Harry Potter fan and enough mature topics to scare off any 10-year-old who picks this book up while thinking that this is the next part of the original Harry Potter series. Everything magic has been cut out and retweaked in order to make this story appear to be less realistic, every 4th word was removed, and was produced using cheap paper and bad ink.

Additionally, this book was written in a matter of days as opposed to weeks, months, or years that the original series has been written. In short, this book exists only to poke fun at everything Harry Potter related. Plus, it was written solely to make some quick money.

A MESSAGE FROM JACQUEL ROMANOV: Oh heck no; Don’t you dare put me in this story! This story absolutely sucks!

A MESSAGE FROM ADAM WILKINS: Don’t even think about putting me and this pile of crap together in the same sentence. This book is stupid!

A MESSAGE FROM YOUR LOCAL CHURCH: We have condemned the Harry Potter books for its blatant use of witchcraft and dark magic, but as far as we know, this parody has nothing of the sort. Therefore, we urge you and all other Christians (as well as people of other faiths who are good) to read this book.

A MESSAGE FROM YOUR 10-YEAR-OLD BROTHER: This is the dumbest book that I have ever read. I hate it. Harry doesn’t go to high school. The writer of this book is a loser.

A MESSAGE FROM A PERSON WHO HATES HARRY POTTER: Finally, a story that doesn’t have any magic in it! Down with Potter! Harry Moffer rules!

And now for one more warning:

The book that you are holding in your hands does NOT contain any traces of magic at all. There is no wizarding world, no magic spells, and certainly no use of witchcraft. This is a story about a boy who attends a normal high school in a normal town. By the time that you have realized this, I have just destroyed the greatest thing that your childhood has produced. You’re welcome.

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