The Night Harry Potter Went Crazy (to the tune of Weird Al’s “The Night Santa Went Crazy”) (includes “Violent Ending” Version)

the boy who lived

the boy who lived (Photo credit: Joits)

Down in old Hogwarts, all the wizards were mocking, / All the good Christian girls and the good Christian boys. / When the Boy-Who-Lived busted in, nearly scared ‘em half to death, Had a .22 in his hands and firewhiskey on his breath. / From his glasses to his shoes he was covered with ammo, / Looking like the wizard’s version of the great Rambo. / And he smiled at everyone as he began to laugh, / “Happy Christmas to all—now you’re all gonna DIE!”

The night Harry Potter went crazy, / The night the boy wizard went insane! / Realized he’d been getting a raw deal, / Something finally must have snapped in his brain!

Well, Hogwarts is gone now, he decided to bomb it / Everywhere you’ll find pieces of what once had been Hagrid. / And he tied up the Gryffindors and he held the Slytherins hostage, / And he ground up poor Remus Lupin into werewolf sausage. / He got Ron and Hermione with a World War 2 rifle, / And he slashed up Old Dumbledore just like Jigsaw. / And he picked up a blowtorch and he barbecued Hedwig. / And he took a big bite and said, “WOW! It tastes just like chicken!

The night Harry Potter when crazy, / The night the Boy-Who-Lived went nuts. / Now there’s no way you can walk around England / Without steppin’ in wizard guts!

There’s the Royal Army and the CIA / There are reporters from CNN and scores of eyewitnesses everywhere / And as the spells are flying, many wizards are dying / and the world wants to know why Harry why / my my my my my my / Harry Potter used to be a good guy…(cue scenes from disaster)

Yes, Albus-Severus, now your daddy’s doing time / he’s in Azkaban for his infamous crime. / Hey little buddy, now don’t you cry no more tears / he’ll be out with good behavior in 100 more years! / So now the the Malfoys are seeing Dr. Phil and poor Snape is freaking out, / And the house elves got new jobs working for the Queen. / And as for J. K. Rowling, she’s on the phone every night, / she and her lawyer are discussing the movie rights!

(Violent Ending Edition: Yes, Albus-Severus, now your daddy’s dead / some guy called Edward Cullen came and shot him in his head. / He’s in a corner lying dead on the floor / looks like there won’t be a new Harry Potter book anymore! / So now the fans are crying because the series got canceled, / And the surviving characters are stuck in literary limbo. / And as for J. K. Rowling, she’s on the phone every night, / she and her lawyer are discussing the movie rights!)

It’ll be about…the night Harry Potter when crazy. / The night the boy wizard flipped. / all he wanted was a normal life, / Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin’ tricked. / Wo, the night Harry Potter went crazy. / The night the Boy-Who-Lived went insane, / he simply went downhill since “Deathly Hallows” / Something finally must have snapped in his brain. / Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain! / Tell ya, something must have snapped…in his brain!

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