More Neville Longbottom Jokes

Dumbledore's Army graffiti

Dumbledore’s Army graffiti (Photo credit: Stimpdawg)

And now for more Neville Longbottom jokes:

  1. -Neville needs a Remembrall not because he has a poor memory, but merely because he accomplishes too much to remember.
  2. -Neville Longbottom doesn’t bow to hippogriffs. Hippogriffs bow to Neville Longbottom.
  3. -They thought of making a Neville puppet for “Potter Puppet Pals“…but nobody makes fun of Neville Longbottom and wakes up the following morning.
  4. -Bound by the full Body-Bind curse, surrounded by Dementors and giants with his wand snapped in half, Neville Longbottom laughed to himself and said “I have them right where I want them.”
  5. -Not to be outdone, after Mrs. Weasley took out Bellatrix, Neville brought her back to life and killed her again.
  6. Professor Quirrel didn’t have to fake his stammer in Neville’s presence.
  7. -Neville became Head Boy AND Girl. No one dared comment.
  8. -Neville Longbottom is what’s beyond the veil.
  9. -Neville turned Dumbledore gay.
  10. -Before Neville punched it, it was known as Horizontal Alley.
  11. -Neville uses Nagini‘s blood as soy sauce.
  12. -Muggles don’t know about Lord Voldemort, but they do know about Neville Longbottom.
  13. -Chuck Norris’ boggart is Neville Longbottom.
  14. -Neville’s patronus is Neville, because nothing else is badass enough to represent him.
  15. -Neville Longbottom is the reason that the Cauldron is Leaky.
  16. -If someone replaced the Mirror of Erised with a picture of Neville Longbottom, no one would notice.
  17. -Neville made Chuck Norris out of Mrs. Norris’ rib.
  18. -Cho Chang wasn’t crying because she missed Cedric. She was crying because she was with Harry, and not Neville.
  19. -They said Dumbledore was the only man Voldemort was afraid of. They lied.
  20. -They were going to release a Neville Longbottom edition of Clue but the answer always turned out to be “Neville Longbottom, in the courtyard with a sword.”
  21. -Neville Longbottom created the Department of Mysteries when he got bored with making every damn discovery.
  22. -Neville Longbottom cut off the Hog’s Head. He was just practicing for Nagini.
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