Top 10 Reasons Why Harry Potter is the real villain in the Harry Potter books

Hello, and welcome to another week of top 10 in fandom. I hoped that you enjoyed the last list, because some people in Game of Thrones need to be skewered.

Anyway, today’s topic is the reasons why Harry Potter is the real villain in the Harry Potter books. Think about that for a second. We already know that Harry is no hero (in fact, who needs a hero who can’t do ANYTHING right?), but the thought of him being a villain isn’t something that is widely explored, even in fan fiction. I mean, why can’t we have him as a villain?

Anyway, the top 10 reasons why Harry Potter is the real villain in the Harry Potter books are as follows:

10. Harry has been shown to be very cruel to people.

9. He never seemed to grow out of his role as the Boy-Who-Lived.

8. The older Harry grew, the worse he became.

7. He doesn’t seem to care if anyone is sad or hurt.

6. He doesn’t use his fame power to exact some serious (and much-needed) change.

5. Harry just sits around doing nothing while evil reins supreme.

4. Harry doesn’t reflect on anything that he does, good or bad.

3. Harry doesn’t have an ounce of empathy in his heart.

2. Harry relies solely on luck (not that that’s villainous, but still)

1. Harry Potter, for all intentions, never really learned how to love.

Well, that’s all for this list, so I suggest that you set aside Harry Potter for good, if you haven’t already. If you find yourself disagreeing with any of the above items for any reason, then let me know in the comments. See you next week for more Top 10 in Fandom!

Does anyone else NOT like Harry Potter? | The Straight Dope

via Does anyone else NOT like Harry Potter? | The Straight Dope 

Just read the forum posts since I’m too lazy to review them. Basically, nobody likes Harry Potter and do we really need to give out a reason?

27 Things People Who Didn’t Like “Harry Potter” Are Tired Of Hearing

via 27 Things People Who Didn’t Like “Harry Potter” Are Tired Of Hearing

Hate Harry Potter? Tired of being mocked for hating him? Read this list and make your critics weep:

  1. When you say you don’t like Harry Potter, people automatically assume you have no imagination. (Guess what: I hate Harry Potter. DEAL WITH IT, YOU TWAT!!)
  2. Or, better yet, they think you’re illiterate. “Have you even read the book???” (No, I haven’t read the book , and I don’t plan to. Get off my back about it!)
  3. There is always talk of a new book or new movie or new Harry Potter SOMETHING, so if you aren’t excited about it, you’re a social pariah. (I have better things to do than to obsess over a fictional character.)
  4. No, you don’t get it. Actually, you feel no connection to this world because unlike them, you can’t solve all your inconveniences with magic. (FYI, you can’t solve the world problems with magic! Duh!)
  5. And spell names? Yeah, what the f**k is “Expelliarmus”? (can I punch someone in the face, please?)
  6. Patronuses… WTF??? This is the stuff of nightmares. (I’ve already had enough nightmares from real life; I don’t want them in my books!)
  7. “Muggles” and “Mudbloods” and blah blah BLAH.(Are you fricking racist???)
  8. “This is such an epic story of good vs. evil.” Yeah, except the villains are flat: Voldemort is self-loathing, Petunia Dursley is mega jealz of her sister, and Draco is going through puberty, like all the time. (YAWN. I could crap out a better story than this.)
  9. Don’t fool yourself, Harry and Ginny do NOT make the cutest couple ever. (Oedipal complex??)
  10. Also, the School of Witchcraft and Wizardry does not seem fun, it sounds like a total bummer; everyone is always in danger of DYING. (can’t I at least get through one year without BEING IN FRICKING DANGER ALL THE TIME???)
  11. Being assigned to Slytherin for any HP-themed game is a passive-aggressive way of people telling you you f**king suck. (Well, **** you! I won’t do what you tell me!)
  12. To everyone who wishes Gryffindor existed: Isn’t categorizing everyone into four different groups just a terrible idea? (sorting is just as bad as labeling)
  13. He Who Must Not Be Named” would never happen. There’d always be some kids in an alleyway saying his name all the time just because they could. (Are you fricking kidding me???)
  14. Then there was that day your friends dragged you to watch the first part of the seventh movie because you “had to see it!” (Dude, if you drag me to this piece of **** movie, I will unfriend you!)
  15. To your surprise, or lack there of, it actually isn’t “the best movie of all time”; all the movies start to blend together and feel exactly the SAME. (Harry repeats itself ALL THE FRICKING TIME!!! Why would you want to subject yourself to that?)
  16. The “epic” final wand battle of the seventh movie feels depressingly anticlimactic. (wake me up when Harry dies)
  17. You couldn’t care less that there’s an International Quidditch Association. (Screw quidditch. Football is better.)
  18. All the news stories of the legal injunctions and blackmail attempts caused from fear of the latest book leaking is a bit too much. (and people think that fan fiction should be legal)
  19. You’ve heard your friends geek out about it one too many times. (guess what? you need to dump your friends)
  20. The tattoos, just, NO. (I’d rather do Game of Thrones)
  21. The fan fiction terrifies you. (better yet, avoid fan fiction like it’s the plague)
  22. Everyone went through a period where they tried to sound British, and it still drives you NUTS. (You’ve just offended everyone who is actually British. Go stand in a corner and rethink your life.)
  23. Also, everyone and their mother takes this photo next to the 9 ¾ cart when they’re in London. (You have officially lost me as a child. Have fun playing with your imaginary kid.)
  24. Sardine flavored jelly beans are enough to turn your apathy toward HP into complete detestation. (#1, gross, and #2, how dare you steal from Jelly Belly! I’m shocked that a lawsuit hasn’t been filed yet to stop this travesty)
  25. The abundance of HP products everywhere makes you feel like there is no escape. (Can’t we make this just go away? Like forever?)
  26. Not to mention this THEME PARK, which is really just a hub for obsessive fans. (DO. NOT. GO TO THAT. PLACE. OR. ELSE. YOU’LL. NEVER. BE ALLOWED. TO. LEAVE.)
  27. Honestly, J.K. Rowling’s success story is the most interesting part of this whole thing to you. (her dreams came true at the cost of everyone else’s sanity.)

Now you know. As for me, I’m MUGGLE AND PROUD OF IT!!

Top 10 Villians who are better than Lord Voldemort

Hello, and welcome to another week of top 10 in fandom. I hoped that you enjoyed the last list, because nothing is better than a good old-fashioned plot twist.

Anyway, this week’s topic is the top 10 villains who are better than Lord Voldemort. I mean, let’s face it: Voldemort is just a noseless freak who makes today’s story book villains look really stupid. I mean, why would you want to be afraid of a wizard who kills himself due to some weak boy wizard’s ineptitude and inability to actually stop him?

OK, enough with the ranting. The villains who are better than Lord Voldemort are as follows:

10. The Joker (from the Batman movies): because nothing is scarier than a man who doesn’t have a plan. Also, why so serious?

9. Loki (from Thor) I mean, Loki would very much take down Voldemort in a fight. plus, remember the Avengers movie?

8. The Volturi (from The Twilight Saga): it’s pretty much safe to say that these guys are the main villains. I mean, they do show up and confront the Cullens on a number of occasions.

7. King Galbatorix (from the Inheritance Cycle): is there anyone worse than a king who wants to take over EVERYTHING, including controlling the dragon riders?

6. Megatron (from Transformers): he’s altogether terrifying and cruel and wants to take over the world.

5. Agent Smith (from the Matrix movies): Nuff said.

4. Valentine Morgenstern (from the Mortal Instruments): his schemes are 10x more terrifying than Lord Voldemort’s nonsense.

3. Kronos (from the Percy Jackson series): a Titan as a villain is terrifying indeed.

2. Darth Vader (from Star Wars): Believe it, he just HAD to be on this list.

1. Sauron (from The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings): this villain rules them all. Plus, he made that stupid ring.

Well, that’s all for this list. If you find yourself disagreeing with any of the above items for any reason, then let me know in the comments. See you next week for more Top 10 in Fandom!

Top 10 Reasons Why Percy Jackson is Better than Harry Potter

Hello, and welcome to another week of top 10 in fandom. I hoped that you enjoyed the last list, because there are some people in this world who are a lot scarier that Lord Voldemort.

Anyway, this week’s topic is the top 10 reasons why Percy Jackson is better than Harry Potter. As we all know, harry potter is a wizard and Percy Jackson is a demigod. Now pit these two against each other and we’re talking a fantasy showdown that won’t soon be forgotten.

Anyway, the top 10 reasons why Percy Jackson is better than Harry Potter are as follows:

10. Percy has a pen that becomes a sword (and he never loses it), but all Harry has is a wooden wand.

9. While Hogwarts may be great, who wouldn’t want to go to Camp Half-Blood?

8. Voldemort is just a messed-up wizard, but Kronos is a huge threat to the entire world.

7. Percy Jackson & the Olympians was hugely inspired by Greek mythology. Not so much with Harry Potter.

6. If there was an underwater fight, Percy would win for sure.

5. In fact, Percy can pretty much hold his own during a fight. I mean, he’s beaten Medusa, a Hydra, and he even squeezed past Luke and retrieved the lightning bolt. What did Harry do, besides maybe yelling “Expeliarmus” a whole bunch of times?

4. You seriously thought that Percy Jackson ripped off Harry Potter?

3. Grover and Annabeth are more loyal to Percy than Ron and Hermione are to Harry.

2. Percy’s story is a bit more exciting than Harry’s boring story.

1. At the end of the day, demigods rule and wizards drool.

Well, that’s all for this list, so I suggest that you set aside Harry Potter and start reading Percy Jackson. If you find yourself disagreeing with any of the above items for any reason, then let me know in the comments. See you next week for more Top 10 in Fandom!

25 Things within the World of Harry Potter that just DON’T MAKE SENSE!

English: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, ...

English: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, at Islands Of Adventures, Orlando, FL (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

via 25 Things within the World of Harry Potter that just DON’T MAKE SENSE!

First things first: why do we even have Harry Potter? It’s freaking everywhere and it’s so freaking annoying! (no wonder why I left the fandom in the first place!)

Anyway, here’s what I have to say about the list of things that don’t make any sense:

  1. Brooms are pretty dumb. Why would anyone want to ride them? (I try to avoid that in my stories, as brooms can hurt your butt)
  2. A sword, gun, or an arrow can do more damage than “avada kedavra“. Just saying.
  3. Is it so wrong to be popular at school? No wonder why Harry, Ron, and Hermione never grew out of their roles.
  4. I’m sure there were plenty of other people who took a bullet for someone they loved.
  5. Quidditch sucks.
  6. Magic? More like who cares if Harry’s eyes are messed up? Make him wear glasses.
  7. That one that Christians seem to have a problem with, and for all the RIGHT reasons too.
  8. Do parents even care if their kids are in danger while at Hogwarts?
  9. Spring kicks your butt.
  10. Dumbledore is just a flat-out useless jerk.
  11. Voldemort is the worst villain of all time.
  12. No one saw this coming WHY???
  13. Evidently, Rowling failed to do her research on prison escapes.
  14. Nobody really likes Harry at all.
  15. Do wizards NOT believe in eating meat?
  16. No census for the population of the wizarding world?
  17. David Tennant appeared to be the only talented Death Eater out there.
  18. Why were the Weasleys invented?
  19. Where’s Child Protective Services when you need them?
  20. So, everyone is washed up before reaching 18 years old? What a travesty!
  21. House of Cards took their cues from Harry Potter.
  22. Owls are wild animals, not a delivery service.
  23. Hidden racism???
  24. What did they do on Friday nights?
  25. Sword fights are better.

So now you know. And if you find this list even remotely offensive, then do this: stand up, back away from the computer, turn around and literally GET A FRICKING LIFE!!!

Read J.K. Rowling’s new post for the latest Harry Potter ‘gossip’ (from Today.com)

via Read J.K. Rowling’s new post for the latest Harry Potter ‘gossip’

Well, once again, we have another Harry Potter story from J. K. Rowling. And as interesting as this may appear to be, it just feels like fan fiction. I mean, there’s way too much Harry Potter fan fiction out there, so why do we need some from the author. If she’s *THAT* desperate to continue the Harry Potter series, she should just publish some short stories on Amazon.com.

It’s as simple as that.

Not Another Harry Potter Story!!!

Ok, so once again, we have to deal with J. K. Rowling being unable to let go of her cash cow, I mean, Harry Potter. Good golly god, Rowling! Haven’t you had enough of Harry Potter? Because we sure have.

Besides, do we really care to hear about Harry Potter? No! We want to know more about Dumbledore, Snape, and the wizarding world in general. Plus, as the song states, we’re getting tired of Pooter.

(and yes, I meant to write Pooter instead of Potter. Thank you for pointing that out.)

Just mosey on along.

Why ‘Harry Potter’ Is Based on a Terrible Decision~by Janara

Greystone shot on Crack.Com

Greystone shot on Crack.Com (Photo credit: Forsaken Fotos)

via Why ‘Harry Potter’ Is Based on a Terrible Decision

As much as we love the mythology of Harry Potter, it doesn’t take more than five seconds of thought to realize that no 11-year-old kid would leave his family to live with a giant man-stranger presenting warm cake and promises of magic times ahead. Not even an abused orphan would take that pedo-bait.

This starts off the article, courtesy of humor site Cracked.com. Mainly, the article is about Harry Potter giving magic the middle finger and moving to America in a series of short movies.

But let’s go back to the main part of the article: why would an 11-year-old boy accept an invitation to some magical school?

Let’s go back and remember that children can easily go missing at any time and not be missed until it’s too late. The concept doubles if the child is a victim of abuse, such as Harry here.

Let’s say that Harry goes off with the strange man and within a few weeks of him disappearing with the stranger, his body is found lying in a ditch somewhere. (I know it’s sad, but I know it’s also realistic. Just go with it.) What do you think the Dursleys are going to tell the police when they are questioned about Harry’s disappearance? “Uh, he went off with some giant-man who talked about a magical school?”

Yeah, like that’s going to work with the cops.

Then push comes to shove and before you know what’s happening, they are arrested for child abuse and Dudley is sent to a foster home.

There you have it, folks. Harry potter was a victim of kidnapping and now he’s dead. There is no Hogwarts, he was not a famous wizards with gazillions of fans. He was famous simply for being a murder victim.

Yeah, what a sad ending to a big story.

Now, tell this one to your kids.

Kids, no matter if you want to learn about magic, NEVER go off with a stranger (not even if you’re an abuse victim). You will end up dead or suffer a worse fate.

Enhanced by Zemanta

How Harry Potter Really Ended (Snowglobe Edition)

anti-Harry Potter stamp

anti-Harry Potter stamp (Photo credit: claireviolet82)

(WARNING: this blog post contains the infamous snowglobe ending as it was featured on St. Elsewhere…)

—–

Harry: I’m about to take down Dumbledore. Who’s willing to fight with me?

Jacquel: Well, before I answer that question, there’s something you need to know: you have a horde of angry people standing right behind you.

Harry: Say what now? (He sees Eragon, Arya, Saphira, Charlie Bone, Edward Cullen, Bella Swan, and Artemis Fowl standing behind him) Oh, this bites!

Eragon: Yeah. You’re nothing but a jerk and a loser!

Harry: Well, your story sucks!

Bella: So does yours!

Harry: Well, I never killed Cedric…

Percy Jackson: LIAR!! We all saw what you did in Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire! You killed Cedric and you know it!

Charlie: Get him!!!

(For the next few minutes, the song that was played during the stampede from The Lion King plays as the characters chase after Harry. Ron glares at Jacquel)

Ron: Did you seriously HAVE to resort to this???

Jacquel: Why not? It’s not like anyone would like him anyway.

Ron: Well, I have some bad news: your cousin Sean killed Voldemort.

Jacquel: I knew that would happen.

Hermione: Yeah, it’s all over now.

Sean: Nope! It ain’t over until the fat lady sings! (Just then, a very fat woman shows up and starts singing End of the Line.) Jacquelyn, it’s time for you to say goodbye to Hogwarts and leave now. (Jacquel sighs and goes to her room to pack her things. Just then, her autistic sister, Joanne, shows up and joins her. Snow is seen falling from the sky.)

*****

(The scene switches to a penthouse in present day New York. A woman is sitting in an easy chair. A little girl is sitting on the couch staring into a snowglobe. Just then, a man and a teenaged girl walk into the room.)

Irina: So, how was your day, you two?

Arexus: We finally finished editing the seventh issue of Fantasy & Science Fiction Weekly today. I’m beat.

Jacquelyn: Well, I have to make up a fantasy story for English class. Right now, I’m fighting with John Kelvin Rollins; he wants me to put witchcraft in my story. When is he going to learn that witchcraft is bad and witchcraft is wrong?

Irina: I think we need to have a chat with that boy’s parents. He is too out of control. Now, go wash yourselves up; dinner is ready. (She goes into the kitchen to make the plates. Jacquelyn follows her. Arexus goes to fetch Joanne.)

Arexus: Joanne, it’s time for dinner. Let’s put that snowglobe away and get some food, OK? (Joanne looks up from the snowglobe and stares at Arexus.) You know something, Rina?

Irina: What is it, Rex?

Arexus: I am never going to understand this autism, Rina. We try to talk to Joanne, but she never seems to hear us. She just sits there, staring at that snowglobe all day long. What is she thinking about?

Irina: We’ll make an appointment with Dr. Jensen tomorrow. (Takes snowglobe from Joanna) Now, let’s have our dinner. (She takes Joanne and they go into the kitchen. Arexus puts the snowglobe on the highest shelf on the bookcase and leaves. Inside the snowglobe is a replica of Hogwarts. Just then, the camera slowly pans around the Ritterwolf family and settles on a very tiny kitten that is sitting on a nearby table. The kitten lets out a triumphant meow.)

The End!!!

~~~~~

Now, I know you’re all wondering why I ended this story the way I did, but I had to find a way to end the story without ruining the story altogether.

The fact that scores of characters from other series don’t like Harry Potter isn’t anything to laugh about, but it’s true. (Besides, why would you want to write a story about how Harry getting along with those other characters in the first place?)

And now for some questions that I know that you’ll all be asking me:

Why did Ron and Hermione bail on Harry?

Good question. The reason why they bailed on him was that after seven years of hanging out with Harry, you’d think that Ron and Hermione would stick by him. But realistically, I’m not too sure if they would want to, given the way that he was raised and isolated from the world until he turned 11 years old, I’m kind of not sure if I would stay friends with him, let alone them. Harry has either yelled at everyone or shut them out, two factors that cause me to drop a friendship. I mean, Harry does become a bit of a bully in later books.

So, who really killed Lord Voldemort?

Uh, did you not read the last part of the story?

I thought that Jacquelyn was an orphan and she never had any siblings! Who is Joanne and why is she here?

Well, maybe I chose not to include everything about Jacquelyn. Nobody has to know EVERYTHING about her.

So, you’ve implied that the entire Harry Potter Series took place in Joanne’s head. Were you trying to pull a Tommy Westphall moment?

Well, I’m glad you noticed that.

And what was with the rivalry between Jacquelyn and that one student?

That harkens back to the days when Harry Potter was accused of promoting witchcraft.

And why the meowing cat at the end of the story?

Interesting you should ask, because I have a story regarding the cat.

As we all know, there was once a cat called Mimsie. She was the mascot of MTM Enterprises as a parody of the famous MGM lion. She was featured at the end credits of various TV shows, such as The Mary Tyler Moore Show, St. Elsewhere, Hill Street Blues, and Newhart.

But in the year 1988, after the controversial series finale of St. Elsewhere, the cat was flatlined at the end of the closing credits and it died. That act angered millions of people, especially cat owners, and NBC was hit by millions of angry letters regarding that tasteless joke.

And the ending of this story with the family cat meowing in the end is a sign that Mimsie will return to rule the world once again. (And you wonder why cats rule the Internet)

Now you know.

Look for another blog post tomorrow.

 

 

Enhanced by Zemanta