Why ‘Harry Potter’ Is Based on a Terrible Decision~by Janara

Greystone shot on Crack.Com

Greystone shot on Crack.Com (Photo credit: Forsaken Fotos)

via Why ‘Harry Potter’ Is Based on a Terrible Decision

As much as we love the mythology of Harry Potter, it doesn’t take more than five seconds of thought to realize that no 11-year-old kid would leave his family to live with a giant man-stranger presenting warm cake and promises of magic times ahead. Not even an abused orphan would take that pedo-bait.

This starts off the article, courtesy of humor site Cracked.com. Mainly, the article is about Harry Potter giving magic the middle finger and moving to America in a series of short movies.

But let’s go back to the main part of the article: why would an 11-year-old boy accept an invitation to some magical school?

Let’s go back and remember that children can easily go missing at any time and not be missed until it’s too late. The concept doubles if the child is a victim of abuse, such as Harry here.

Let’s say that Harry goes off with the strange man and within a few weeks of him disappearing with the stranger, his body is found lying in a ditch somewhere. (I know it’s sad, but I know it’s also realistic. Just go with it.) What do you think the Dursleys are going to tell the police when they are questioned about Harry’s disappearance? “Uh, he went off with some giant-man who talked about a magical school?”

Yeah, like that’s going to work with the cops.

Then push comes to shove and before you know what’s happening, they are arrested for child abuse and Dudley is sent to a foster home.

There you have it, folks. Harry potter was a victim of kidnapping and now he’s dead. There is no Hogwarts, he was not a famous wizards with gazillions of fans. He was famous simply for being a murder victim.

Yeah, what a sad ending to a big story.

Now, tell this one to your kids.

Kids, no matter if you want to learn about magic, NEVER go off with a stranger (not even if you’re an abuse victim). You will end up dead or suffer a worse fate.

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How Harry Potter Really Ended (Snowglobe Edition)

anti-Harry Potter stamp

anti-Harry Potter stamp (Photo credit: claireviolet82)

(WARNING: this blog post contains the infamous snowglobe ending as it was featured on St. Elsewhere…)

—–

Harry: I’m about to take down Dumbledore. Who’s willing to fight with me?

Jacquel: Well, before I answer that question, there’s something you need to know: you have a horde of angry people standing right behind you.

Harry: Say what now? (He sees Eragon, Arya, Saphira, Charlie Bone, Edward Cullen, Bella Swan, and Artemis Fowl standing behind him) Oh, this bites!

Eragon: Yeah. You’re nothing but a jerk and a loser!

Harry: Well, your story sucks!

Bella: So does yours!

Harry: Well, I never killed Cedric…

Percy Jackson: LIAR!! We all saw what you did in Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire! You killed Cedric and you know it!

Charlie: Get him!!!

(For the next few minutes, the song that was played during the stampede from The Lion King plays as the characters chase after Harry. Ron glares at Jacquel)

Ron: Did you seriously HAVE to resort to this???

Jacquel: Why not? It’s not like anyone would like him anyway.

Ron: Well, I have some bad news: your cousin Sean killed Voldemort.

Jacquel: I knew that would happen.

Hermione: Yeah, it’s all over now.

Sean: Nope! It ain’t over until the fat lady sings! (Just then, a very fat woman shows up and starts singing End of the Line.) Jacquelyn, it’s time for you to say goodbye to Hogwarts and leave now. (Jacquel sighs and goes to her room to pack her things. Just then, her autistic sister, Joanne, shows up and joins her. Snow is seen falling from the sky.)

*****

(The scene switches to a penthouse in present day New York. A woman is sitting in an easy chair. A little girl is sitting on the couch staring into a snowglobe. Just then, a man and a teenaged girl walk into the room.)

Irina: So, how was your day, you two?

Arexus: We finally finished editing the seventh issue of Fantasy & Science Fiction Weekly today. I’m beat.

Jacquelyn: Well, I have to make up a fantasy story for English class. Right now, I’m fighting with John Kelvin Rollins; he wants me to put witchcraft in my story. When is he going to learn that witchcraft is bad and witchcraft is wrong?

Irina: I think we need to have a chat with that boy’s parents. He is too out of control. Now, go wash yourselves up; dinner is ready. (She goes into the kitchen to make the plates. Jacquelyn follows her. Arexus goes to fetch Joanne.)

Arexus: Joanne, it’s time for dinner. Let’s put that snowglobe away and get some food, OK? (Joanne looks up from the snowglobe and stares at Arexus.) You know something, Rina?

Irina: What is it, Rex?

Arexus: I am never going to understand this autism, Rina. We try to talk to Joanne, but she never seems to hear us. She just sits there, staring at that snowglobe all day long. What is she thinking about?

Irina: We’ll make an appointment with Dr. Jensen tomorrow. (Takes snowglobe from Joanna) Now, let’s have our dinner. (She takes Joanne and they go into the kitchen. Arexus puts the snowglobe on the highest shelf on the bookcase and leaves. Inside the snowglobe is a replica of Hogwarts. Just then, the camera slowly pans around the Ritterwolf family and settles on a very tiny kitten that is sitting on a nearby table. The kitten lets out a triumphant meow.)

The End!!!

~~~~~

Now, I know you’re all wondering why I ended this story the way I did, but I had to find a way to end the story without ruining the story altogether.

The fact that scores of characters from other series don’t like Harry Potter isn’t anything to laugh about, but it’s true. (Besides, why would you want to write a story about how Harry getting along with those other characters in the first place?)

And now for some questions that I know that you’ll all be asking me:

Why did Ron and Hermione bail on Harry?

Good question. The reason why they bailed on him was that after seven years of hanging out with Harry, you’d think that Ron and Hermione would stick by him. But realistically, I’m not too sure if they would want to, given the way that he was raised and isolated from the world until he turned 11 years old, I’m kind of not sure if I would stay friends with him, let alone them. Harry has either yelled at everyone or shut them out, two factors that cause me to drop a friendship. I mean, Harry does become a bit of a bully in later books.

So, who really killed Lord Voldemort?

Uh, did you not read the last part of the story?

I thought that Jacquelyn was an orphan and she never had any siblings! Who is Joanne and why is she here?

Well, maybe I chose not to include everything about Jacquelyn. Nobody has to know EVERYTHING about her.

So, you’ve implied that the entire Harry Potter Series took place in Joanne’s head. Were you trying to pull a Tommy Westphall moment?

Well, I’m glad you noticed that.

And what was with the rivalry between Jacquelyn and that one student?

That harkens back to the days when Harry Potter was accused of promoting witchcraft.

And why the meowing cat at the end of the story?

Interesting you should ask, because I have a story regarding the cat.

As we all know, there was once a cat called Mimsie. She was the mascot of MTM Enterprises as a parody of the famous MGM lion. She was featured at the end credits of various TV shows, such as The Mary Tyler Moore Show, St. Elsewhere, Hill Street Blues, and Newhart.

But in the year 1988, after the controversial series finale of St. Elsewhere, the cat was flatlined at the end of the closing credits and it died. That act angered millions of people, especially cat owners, and NBC was hit by millions of angry letters regarding that tasteless joke.

And the ending of this story with the family cat meowing in the end is a sign that Mimsie will return to rule the world once again. (And you wonder why cats rule the Internet)

Now you know.

Look for another blog post tomorrow.

 

 

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A Victim’s Guide to HPWS :: HPWS information, interaction, rehabilitation

via A Victim’s Guide to HPWS :: HPWS information, interaction, rehabilitation.

What is HPWS?

It’s short for “Harry Potter Withdrawal Syndrome“. This psychological problem is the result of what happens when a person withdraws from the world of Harry Potter. According to the website, HPWS is caused by an addiction to the immensely-popular Harry Potter series, and the books (which was written by J.K. Rowling) are read and beloved by billions of fans around the world.

So, what causes HPWS?

A prolonged exposure to anything relating to Harry Potter.

What are the symptoms of HPWS?

  • Interest in Harry Potter (by rereading the books, watching the movies, writing fanfictions, drawing fan art)
  • Thinking that Harry Potter is above all other books and hating (or shutting out) any other book that poses a “threat” to Harry Potter (such as Eragon, Lord of the Rings, Twilight, the Hunger Games, or the Percy Jackson series)
  • Spending countless hours on Harry Potter-related forums
  • Attempting to “convert” people to read the Potter series.
  • Getting angry with and/or bullying people who dislike Harry Potter
  • Spending countless hours “trapped” in the world of Harry Potter (includes daydreaming)
  • Even worse, trying to inject yourself into the world of Harry Potter (yeah, that was me!)

Treatment options

According to the website, here are the following treatments:

  • Ten-day treatment plan, which includes withdrawing from Harry Potter over a period of 10 days
  • Thirty-day treatment plan, which includes withdrawing from Harry Potter over a period of 30 days
  • Purging: after following the 10 or 30 day treatment plan, a purging includes withdrawing from ALL Harry Potter-related websites, putting the books and DVDS away (or giving them away), getting rid of anything such as posters or other things.

However, there are those who are deemed “Incurably Corrupt”, which means that they can never be “cured” of their Harry Potter obsession. (At this point, you might as well say a prayer for them and hope for the best.)

Despite the treatments, HPWS can come back, so be on your guard at ALL times!

Well, HPWS isn’t a real disease, but it sure is spreading like one!

Ideas To Explore in a Next-Gen/Future Harry Potter Story or Roleplay – Springhole.net

via Ideas To Explore in a Next-Gen/Future Harry Potter Story or Roleplay – Springhole.net.

I found this on Springhole.Net and decided that this could be useful for when you want to do a Harry Potter story set in the future(or maybe not)

Harry Potter’s story takes place during the 1990s. But we want to write a future story. But according to the article, this could be a problem for the following reasons:

  1. You can’t bring your Smartphone into Hogwarts. OR you can use magic to make your Smartphone work. No matter what, there are no Muggle-made devices allowed at Hogwarts. (Or wizards could ban Muggle things altogether.)
  2. Secrecy is harder, as Muggles could film someone doing magic with their Smartphones and upload the video onto YouTube.
  3. Muggle-born wizards and witches’ lives are ruined by Hogwarts (plus, going to Hogwarts compromises said Muggle-born’s future in the Muggle world)
  4. Even better, Muggles seem to have it easier than wizards; since Muggles are technologically advanced and wizards are a century and a half behind.

Maybe that’ll discourage you from writing Harry Potter next generation fanfiction, or at least make you rethink the world of Harry Potter altogether. (I was already rethinking Harry Potter long before this list came out.)

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And the debate goes on

JK Rowling Autograph

JK Rowling Autograph (Photo credit: baslow)

Yesterday, the Internet nearly imploded upon J.K. Rowling admitting that Harry/Hermione should have been a couple and not Ron/Hermione. (My opinion: I support NEITHER couples!)

Well, here are some more articles that discuss this rather useless revelation:

Anyway, here are some fake comments that are filled with anger towards the thing that she had just said:

It makes me sick. Who will be the one to decide between the anticipated maelstrom of criticisms? J. K. Rowling sums up a lot that’s wrong in society, the kind of person who thinks she is a success because she has lots of money and Twitter followers. She also gives the impression she would literally do or say anything to get more followers. ~ Ealnor

This is all the most mealy-mouthed and stupid joke. I speak from some experience!!!!!! Eff off, J. K. Rowling. And all who sail with her. ~ Hailer

It’s simple. Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive. J. K. Rowling is a childish fraud. We have enough of those already. Please take her back. ~ Caycee

One step too far. I’m not holding my breath. Calling J. K. Rowling: You are required to partake in a reality check as soon as you are able. ~ Janara

Plenty of heat on this one, but it’s time for some light. Most nuts are in denial. What makes me more sad than the fact that the posts were made is that J. K. Rowling lacks the rationality to admit that she was erroneous and that an apology should be forthcoming. ~ Drijad

The difficulty we have is that you can’t have your cake and eat it. Eff off, J. K. Rowling. And all who sail with her. A clear sign that the old saw, ‘the end is nigh‘, is idiocy. ~ SuperSaiyanStar

No!!.. Eff off, J. K. Rowling. And all who sail with her. This is the last time I’ll read a thread on the issue until the next time. ~ Fonura

Plenty of heat on this one, but it’s time for some light…is it 1st of April? Eff off, J. K. Rowling. And all who sail with her. ~ FallenLordDoom

I don’t want to make this personal, but this is a piece so totally flawed that it should be deleted. J. K. Rowling wants to blow off steam…Fine…But it’s not newsworthy. They can stick this in their pipe and smoke it as far as I’m concerned!!! ~ LemurWriter

Sounds like the guest bloggers on this blog are very unhappy about this issue, and I don’t blame them at all. It seems like Rowling just cannot let go of her story or the fame that comes along with the story. I say it’s time for her to slowly and gracefully fade away and let the next big writer take her place, one who will be sensible and not tell readers what they should or should not think about their story.

That is all.

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JK Rowling Is Now A Harry/Hermione Shipper | Forever Young Adult

via JK Rowling Is Now A Harry/Hermione Shipper | Forever Young Adult.

Well, this definitely doesn’t make ANY sense at all!

Just as we had safely forgotten about Harry Potter, J. K. Rowling once again rears her head and says that Harry and Hermione should have ended up together.

I disagree with the statement.

Harry and Hermione were meant to be “just friends”. OK. Let me say this again. Harry and Hermione were meant to be “JUST FRIENDS”!!!

OK, moving on,

What Rowling did was truly unforgivable. I never liked Harry/Hermione and I think that Harry should have died instead of married Ginny. Ron should have easily married some other girl and Hermione should have ended up alone. There was no need for this to happen.

My reaction to the above-mentioned article: How sad that this woman just can’t let her story go! Also, Hermione and Harry never should have married ANYONE at all! Why can’t the hero and the heroine end up alone? I’m beginning to wonder if the story should have been written in the first place.

Let me know what you think of this issue.

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Happy New Year!

After an exciting new year of NOTHING HARRY POTTER RELATED, we now will kick off the new year by doing more things having to do with Tyler Potter, the Harry Moffer parody series, and even finding a way to do the short all-in-one story called “This Story Just Makes No Sense“.

So yes, it’ll be a new year, but will anything on this blog make any sense? I don’t think so!

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Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever book trailer

Here is the trailer for my book, Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever, which is currently available on Amazon.com:

Harry Potter References in “Janette Lennox”

The Hall at Christ Church in Oxford, England.

The Hall at Christ Church in Oxford, England. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In my 2013 NaNoWriMo story Janette Lennox, we have to wonder how many Harry Potter references are in this story. I know that there’s quite a few references, such as:

  • Janette being left at the church=Harry being left at the Dursleys
  • Janette being bullied by Tyson=Harry being bullied by Dudley
  • Janette being friends with Malinda and Silas=Harry being friends with Ron and Hermione
  • Janette leaving Bethsaida Chapel to attend Gamaris Academy of Alchemy & Magic=Harry leaving the Dursleys’ home to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry

There are several profound differences between Harry Potter and Janette Lennox; the main difference is that Janette is going through a mild form of PTSD after Tyson beats her for not attending his birthday party. Plus, Janette feels inadequate at times and she avoids the other students, especially those who have parents. As far as we know, Harry doesn’t even suffer the ill effects of being locked away in a closet for ten years, nor does he suffer from depression because he was living with people who did not like him or treat him well.

I could go on describing the differences between Harry and Janette, but that’s not this blog post. I have written Janette to be a darker version of Harry Potter with a few Twilight-like elements thrown in for good measure. There is the “Golden Trio” of Malinda, Silas, and a new boy named Garrett, but none of them are actually good; in fact, they plot to kidnap Janette and rid her of her magic. All of this tension will actually make a better story than Harry Potter ever was.

Now you know.

Link to this story on Smashwords:  (Janette Lennox)

NaNoWriMo 2013 story

The boarding school at sunset. Several dormito...

The boarding school at sunset. Several dormitories, a kitchen, and dining room are visible. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here is my story for NaNoWriMo 2013: Janette Lennox!

Summary:

This thrilling new fantasy series features 14-year-old Janette Lennox, a girl who doesn’t seem to fit in with the children at her church boarding school. Janette would rather hide in the school library and read books about magic, unaware that she herself is part of a secret magical legacy.

Janette is shocked when a wizard comes to take her away from her home and brings her to the famed school Garmaris School of Alchemy and Magic. There, Janette learns that her parents, who had vanished ten years earlier, had been among those who stole the famed Book of Magic from the wicked Gray Witch during the Magical Wars.

Janette finds herself facing a difficult challenge – finding the Book of Magic and protecting it. She plunges herself into the task of searching for the book with an unlikely group of companions. But she has no idea that the Book of Magic is the least of her concerns. A group of powerful witches are determined to find the book and seize the world as their own, and are willing to stop at nothing in order to see her fail. The young spellcaster soon finds herself fighting against overwhelming odds – and the fate of her school (and the rest of the world) hangs in the balance!

How Janette outwits her merciless enemies makes an exciting story, packed with thrilling action, magic, and humor.

Well, I guess I better hop to it; this story isn’t going to write itself!